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Pre-Care and Post-Care

We’re nearing the end of the first year of college. The twins will both be home this summer, working and doing projects. I cannot wait to see them daily, though I’m already dreading the end of summer.

You can never be too early!

Carolyn Hax gave advice recently in regards to a breakup that applies universally to all endings. She explains the difference between those who mourn ahead of time (me) and those who mourn after the fact (also me).

Some people do their hard work and grieving as the loss is in progress. They’re the ones who emerge from a wrenching breakup almost giddy with relief … they pre-care, from the moment they sense something big is coming to an end.

The other option: “Living more in the moment, so your grief-and-hard-work clock starts upon the fact of a loss.”

She does not cover those of us who mourn in equal amounts ahead of time and after the fact, taking a double portion of mourning. The clear message is to choose a time and stick with it.

March 27, 2024   No Comments

And I Guess We’re Done With That

In 2021, 2022, and 2023 (I didn’t write about it again), I received thoughtful messages from businesses and organizations giving instructions on what to do if I wanted to opt out of Mother’s Day messaging.

I didn’t choose to add myself to the “do not send” list, but I appreciated being asked. But I realized as Mother’s Day passed in the UK and is quickly approaching here that no one sent this message (yet) this year, though Debrett’s updated their post. I realize they still could, but it’s interesting that after three years of sensitivity and thoughtfulness, people didn’t feel like they had to keep sending the message of sensitivity and thoughtfulness.

It feels a little hollow in retrospect. I mean, the thoughtfulness felt real at the moment, but is the disappearance a sign of times changing? Did they receive feedback from people that they don’t enjoy being given the option? Or was it a statement they tested vs. a conviction to be as inclusive as possible?

Who is to say? I’m trying not to see it through a skeptical lens. It’s odd to receive zero emails after receiving several in the three prior years.

Did you receive any opt-out messages this year?

March 26, 2024   2 Comments

#Microblog Monday 482: Handsome Podcast

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

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I am extremely late to the game because the Handsome podcast started back in September, but my friend told me about it a few weeks ago. And as they say at the end of each episode, “Tell your friends.” So now I’m telling you.

I am not a podcast person—I don’t have a lot of time to listen to things, and I generally like quiet—but I have made an exception for the Handsome podcast. It’s Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune Feimster talking about whatever is on their minds that week and answering guest questions from other celebrities, such as Brett Goldstein or Sarah Silverman.

At least one point in each episode, I burst out laughing. I’m bouncing between listening to the most current episodes each week and returning to September to listen to all the old episodes I missed. It’s such a fun hour.

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Are you also doing #MicroblogMondays? Add your link below. The list will be open until Tuesday morning. Link to the post itself, not your blog URL. (Don’t know what that means? Please read the three rules on this post to understand the difference between a permalink to a post and a blog’s main URL.) Only personal blogs can be added to the list. I will remove any posts connected to businesses or sponsored posts.


March 25, 2024   3 Comments

Helpful Things To Say To Yourself

A few weeks ago… months ago?… Mari Andrews had an essay about anxiety, and it contained a few things she says to herself when she is panicking. They were so helpful and thought-provoking that I turned some into a virtual sticky note on my laptop.

The thoughts that resonated the most:

This thought is unpleasant, but it’s safe

Thinking about it more won’t bring relief

It could be true or not true

The other sayings were helpful, but these three stuck out to me because they are always true. Thoughts can be unpleasant, but a thought is not the same as something actively happening to me. Sometimes, ruminating on something can help me feel better when I’m actively problem-solving. Still, many times, I hit a point where continuing to think about something without having additional information is no longer bringing relief. And I always have to acknowledge that a thought I’m having has a chance of being true and a chance of being not true, no matter how sure I am in the moment that it is 100% factually true and a situation is likely to happen. Maybe it won’t.

Passing this essay along in case it help anyone else.

March 24, 2024   No Comments

979th Friday Blog Roundup

The twins were home for spring break. We went to the aquarium to get our fish on (everyone in the house hates it when I say that, and they refuse to respond when I shout, “Let’s get our fish on!”) and ate double ice cream by the river. Lest you think that means we ate a double scoop, I want to clarify that we ate a double scoop and then decided that we needed more ice cream. So we got it again.

The ChickieNob asked me to save the Netflix show One Day until she was home so we could watch it together. We love David Nicholls’s books, and while we usually quote from Us, we do like to say to each other, “You didn’t even ask if she was there Moriarty!”

So, we climbed into my bed each night and watched a few episodes. It was perfect. It helps if you’ve read the book because they have to gloss over some big parts to fit it all in, but the two actors capture the characters perfectly. The episodes felt like a countdown to when the kids would leave: 12 episodes left, 9 episodes left, 5 episodes left, 2 episodes left… always knowing that we would probably watch the final episode or two on the last night.

Knowing the plotline made it already difficult to watch, but feeling like it was a creative countdown clock made it a little bit harder.

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Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second, helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. To read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

Okay, now my choices this week.

Hopelessly Infertile and Surrounded by Fertiles has a post about being in the right place at the right time with the right people. I laughed with the therapist’s response, and her comment: “These are our people.” It’s funny but it’s also true that finding those connections makes all the difference in the world.

Lastly, No Kidding in NZ has two great quotes. Fully agree with her: “I love finding that someone has perfectly, succinctly, eloquently expressed an emotion I have not previously been able to articulate. Or when I read a quote that has expressed a feeling or belief I have had, and I see it validated in print.” They are such good thoughts, too.

The roundup to the Roundup: Spring break. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between March 15 – 22) and not the blog’s main URL. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week. Read the original open thread post here.

March 22, 2024   2 Comments

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