I am not writing my blog right now because I want to spend time with the twins before they return to college. I scheduled these posts so the blog wouldn’t be empty and I could have space to best use the end of their break. A cop-out, but forgive me. Having them go is really, really hard. I need mental space to feel what I am feeling, help the kids through the transition, and sit in the quiet for a moment on the other side.

And for those who know, the first Virtual Lushary happened around this time many years ago…

Those lyrics feel like they were made to describe my infertility experience. I just want to go where people get it. And maybe this speaks to your feelings too–to be in a place where you’re not fighting upstream against sensational articles or have relatives telling you why you shouldn’t adopt. Where people care if the anniversary of a loss is approaching. Where you can set your mind at ease by reading that thirty other people are thinking the same thing that you’re thinking. At my bar, there is no pain olympics because “you wanna be where you can see, our troubles are all the same.” We are all on this island and it doesn’t matter if you’ve decided to forego fertility treatments and start immediately on the adoption path or if you’re in the middle of your third IVF attempt. You are hurting. And I am hurting. And we are all on this island.

At least, that is how I hope people feel when they come here.
Read the whole post (and comments!) here.

As I say every month, I’m shamelessly stealing this idea from Jessica Lahey. She has a recurring monthly date where she reviews all the books she reads that month. Book reviews are important for authors, and I want to get better at doing this.

So. I’m going to review them here and also online, but I’m going to do it a little differently. I’m only going to review the stuff I really liked. I don’t see a reason to spend my time writing about something I didn’t love; it’s just using up more of my energy. So only positive reviews.

These are the books I liked (or mostly liked) from December.

Helle and Death (Oskar Jensen): I really wanted to like this book. I mostly did, but I also had trouble connecting with the story. I didn’t believe the plot setup. And there were lovely moments, but there were also offensive moments. And those took you out of the story. I guess I would sum it up by saying it’s a solid mystery with some problematic features, which shouldn’t stop you from reading the book but may impact your feelings as you read it.

The City and Its Uncertain Walls (Haruki Murakami): This is a long book with an amazing payoff. The last part of the story is worth getting through the meandering portions where you don’t completely understand why you’re off on a tangent. There is a point to everything — every word in this book — and the story is like a lucid dream, one where you wake up understanding yourself better and feel comforted by what you’ve learned about the world. You will walk away feeling like you’ve been given a gift. The afterword just makes the book that much better.

The Blue Hour (Paula Hawkins): 3.5 rounded up. It was fine. I didn’t connect with the characters, which made it difficult to get into the story. It was well written, and I could see someone else liking it, but I couldn’t get into this one. But I’m leaving it on the list because if you like Paula Hawkins, you’ll probably like this one. But if you’re not a huge fan of Paula Hawkins, this book will probably not grab you.

Over My Dead Body (Maz Evans): I’m glad I ended the year with this book instead of the last book. This mystery was delightful. It was funny and campy, and I read the last page with a smile plastered across my face. Will you see every twist coming from miles away? Yes. Will you care? No. Because the point of this book isn’t really solving the mystery. The point — dare I say it — is the friends we made along the way. And I loved Miriam and Winnie.

What did you read last month?

Oliver Burkeman perfectly describes how I feel about writing. If I’m writing something — and I’m writing a new book right now — I find that it’s hard to get back into it if I take even a few days off.

The solution is to “write” even when I’m doing something like moving the kids back into their college dorms. I re-read a page and change a word or two to keep myself in the story. Or I take a chapter with me in the notes function on the phone, and I add one paragraph per day. It’s just enough that I put myself into the scene that I’m working on every 24 hours.

I don’t know why I’m this way with writing but not this way with other creative tasks. There is work I can pick up and put down and not think about in between, and it’s just as easy to do when I return to it. But not writing. Writing needs to be a continual flow; I need to act fast, as Oliver says.

I love this: “What action could you simply decide not to hinder today? I bet there’s something. Go on. Act fast.”

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

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I didn’t realize until I flipped over my planner page that Inauguration Day aligns with Martin Luther King Jr. Day. It may happen more often than I think, and I just haven’t noticed since we only have an inauguration every four years. Though looking it up, it has happened only twice before this: the second inaugurations of Bill Clinton and Barack Obama.

So maybe not that often if it’s only the third time.

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Are you also doing #MicroblogMondays? Add your link below. The list will be open until Tuesday morning. Link to the post itself, not your blog URL. (Don’t know what that means? Please read the three rules on this post to understand the difference between a permalink to a post and a blog’s main URL.) Only personal blogs can be added to the list. I will remove any posts connected to businesses or sponsored posts.

I found a fascinating piece on “money dials” via Modern Mrs. Darcy. The idea is that you can see what is important to someone based on how they spend their money.

Money Dials are an easy way to diagnose what you claim is important vs. what is actually important. In a nutshell, your money dials are the things that you are willing to spend extravagantly on by cutting back mercilessly on the things you don’t care about.

And to figure it out, he asks a question: “If you had $25,000 to spend on any of the above, which would you put your money into? Your answer—the one you instinctively came to within seconds—is likely your #1 Money Dial.”

Beyond necessities such as the mortgage, heat, and food, the vast majority of our spending goes toward the kids, especially their education. And when I say “education,” I don’t just mean college, though that is clearly our largest expense right now. I mean making sure they can pursue their interests or taking them places so they can have experiences.

After that, it’s books. As much as I use the library, I also buy myself books. Often. And books could probably be lumped under entertainment, including streaming services and our membership to the symphony.

So the kids and… let’s be fancy and call it “consuming art.” That’s what my spending shows to be my priorities.

What do you spend money on?