Creme de la Creme of 2009

For the fourth year running, the ALI community kicks off the new year by celebrating our best posts of the last year.

So what is the Creme de la Creme list if this is your first time here? It was started as a response to the many blogging awards that are given out each winter. I expanded the idea of presenting “the best” to include a post from every blog in the ALI (adoption/loss/infertility) world*.  Every blogger has a personal best that deserves recognition. As editor of the list, I create the small blurbs after the title which serve as a doorway to the post. I hope they will help you find what you are seeking to read as well as show definitively the diversity of experience and emotion within the ALI community.

Listed below are the best posts of 2009. If you have a blog that chronicles your family building experience with infertility* and you’re not on this list, please read this post and follow the instructions to send in your submission. This post is open until March 1, 2010.

In the meantime, happy reading! And leaving a comment on these older posts is not a “may I?” but a “please do.” Comments are how an author knows their words are appreciated. Comments about the Creme de la Creme in general can be left on this post.

The Creme de la Creme of 2009

1. The Question Has Been Asked and The Question Revisited (from Stirrup Queens): Two posts that go together about the day the author’s children finally asked her about death.
2. Open Adoption Parenting, Part 73 (from Weebles Wobblog):  A gorgeous post offering a concrete how-to lesson on being a good listener when your child speaks; a post about open adoption that applies to any parenting situation.
3. Images (from In This Storm): Remembering her pregnancy with her daughter, Madelyn, who died shortly after birth, she writes so powerfully, “I realize I am not on the outside looking in. This is my life.”
4. Grace and the Odds (from Four of a Kind): A beautiful post that will make you cry knowing that the author is currently holding the baby discussed in this post.  A post about still having hope after being on the wrong side of the odds more than once.
5. …and the curtain closes (from Life On The Other Side Of The Hill): A loss, written in the form of a play script, wondering whether the mourning is for the child or the dream, or–is the answer simply both?
6. Ch-ch-ch-changes! (from The Idle Mind Of Beth): A sunny post about finding peace and happiness with life as it is.
7. Dreams (from Baby Wanted: Apply Within): The author has been dreaming about being pregnant and attempts to hold onto the happiness found in the dreams even when she isn’t feeling optimistic in the waking world.
8. Failure to Thrive (from Drama 2B Mama): Consumed with grief after a failed IVF cycle, the author talks about willing herself not to live.  It’s a hard–but important–post to read, especially because situational depression is so pervasive in our community.
9. You Can’t Take It Back (from MeAndBaby’s Blog): The author writes movingly about how you can’t unring a bell and her regrets about sharing her family building plans with a friend–especially one who offers no support after she learns about her loss.
10. Perspective (from Here We Go Again):  A beautiful post putting a finite moment in time into perspective for the author as she remembers others in the blogosphere.
11. My Memory of ‘D-Day’ (from Caring for Carleigh):  You will cry as the author walks you through the day she learned that her baby was missing most of her brain and skull, found during a routine ultrasound.  As the author states, “it wasn’t supposed to be like this, and yet, it was”–coping with inevitable loss.
12. The Awesome-ness of Being an Adoptive Mom (from Production, Not Reproduction):  A gorgeous post celebrating motherhood via open adoption.
13. A Letter to My Family (from Bean Stalk Ballads): A heartfelt open note to her family during her younger sister’s visit with her newborn child explaining how seeing this child and her family’s reactions affect her.
14. Milestones (Part the Second) (from Hobbit-ish Thoughts & Ramblings):  I cried with the final line: “This little wayside pause isn’t the end of the road.”  An important post about the ways we mark our lives and remembering even fleeting happiness.
15. Shadow Women (from Our Little Tongginator): A celebration of women who sit in the shadows on Mother’s Day, a world where the author has one foot as well as the power to shine light and bring understanding to the rest of the world.
16. Infertility Revisited (again) (from Natsukashii): While the emotions of infertility can bring out ugly responses, the author explains why these characteristics should not be swept under the rug because they have a positive side as well.
17. Show and Tell: Living in the land of IF (from Dragondreamer’s Lair): It is the tear on her face as she stares at the child she never thought she would have that makes the viewer cry as well.
18. Walking to Remember (from sweet | salty): Memories and the speech from A Walk to Remember.  The author begins with a fellow walker, a sixteen-year-old girl who is surviving after her loss and continues with an explanation of how the human heart goes on.  You will not be able to read this with dry eyes.
19. A Note To My Birth Mom (from Full Circle): A note to the “the bravest person [she has] never met.”  An adoptee and hopeful adoptive mum writes a note to her first mother thanking her for life.
20. Treatment and Rolling the Dice (from Life in the Cat Pad): An incredibly moving–albeit painful to read–post about feeling as if the harder she works, the less she has to show.  The feeling that her prayers are not only going unanswered, but that infertility is damaging her relationship with G-d.
21. Soldiering On (from Late for a Very Important Pregnancy): The author explains how and why she is hunkering down in the trenches and giving her all to this war against infertility.  A great post about how it is sometimes better to sit still and keep chipping away at things rather than race into battle or run away.
22. All the Colors of the Rainbow (from We Got Hitched. We bought the 4 bedroom house. Now What???): Prior to infertility, the colour that defined her world was the whiteness of a smile.  And now, her life has become a mishmash of colours, from the deep sadness of blue to the hope-filled yellow, and all shades in between.
23. So Close: Online Book Shower (from The Conceivable Future): Using Tertia’s book, So Close, as a jumping off point, the author discusses the span from when they first started trying, to their first loss, to the months after being diagnosed with recurrent loss.
24. Gah!!!!!! (postscript) (from Lisa Carries On): A beautiful post about not wishing for parenthood, but instead focusing on the need for closure if a pregnancy is not forthcoming.
25. Jeopardy! (from Manapan’s Space): A tongue-in-cheek beginning gives the punch to the gut when the author explains that she has experienced another pregnancy loss.  A wistful, moving post.
26. Claiming Our Own (from Life From Here: Musings from the Edge): How the adoption process creates a shift in thinking that moves the child to a central point rather than focusing on any adult’s view point.  A very interesting post that will make you rethink terms of ownership.
27. Asperger (from My Pathway to Motherhood): After reading a book about Asperger Syndrome, the author wonders whether she’s on the spectrum, whether labeling it matters, and how one determines who will be a “good” mother.
28. Month Twelve (from Benjamin Penguin): Marking the first year of her child’s life, the author writes: “So the first year of your life was one big, long lesson in what happens when you finally get what you want.”  A beautiful post about the birth story and first year after family building through infertility.
29. Offerings (from Life and Love in the Petri Dish): A trip to Japan and rituals within Buddhism give the author the ability to mourn her losses, especially one that occurs right before she leaves for the trip.  A beautiful post about finding peace.
30. Cartwheels (from Still Life With Circles): A gorgeous post about losing and trying to find the child who bravely turned cartwheels, trusted her body, and knew of her own beauty.
31. My Father (from Gemini-Girl): An amazingly honest post explaining her difficult relationship with her father that gives insight into what truly matters to a child.
32. A New Lexicon (from Womb For Improvement): A fantastic post presenting the infertility lexicon.  My two favourites might be “make love to the camera” and “unicycle.”
33. Errand (from Project Progeny): A love note to “that grieving woman I was 2 years ago.”  A beautiful post about memories sparked by returning to the OB’s office to drop off some books and how she wishes she were pregnant again.
34. Status Updates (from My Words Fly Up, My Thoughts Remain Below): A fantastic rant about In Your Facebook and navigating the pregnancy status updates, belly pictures, and emails from well-meaning friends asking when you’re going to finally have a baby.
35. Play It Again, Sam (from I’m a Smart One): A post that will make you cry and smile at the same time.  On the 2nd anniversary of her first surro-baby’s birth, Kym–an infertile woman and now surrogate–wishes to help another person have a child again.
36. All babies are miracles, even the ones who aren’t (from Tuesday’s Hope): A must-read post for all people to better understand stillbirth because, as the author points out: “There are almost as many stillborn babies as there are breast cancer victims each year. But why did I only learn about these tragic stats after the fact?”  The story that doesn’t make it into the newspaper amid the articles on miracles.
37. Obsessed? A post in response (from Al/right Already): A brilliant post popping the term “obsessed” in regards to family building like a needle into a balloon.
38. Guilty (from Life After Infertility & Loss): Chills went down my arms when I first read this post.  An internal monologue of life after a hysterectomy, when family building is finished, yet the heart still remembers both what it once wanted and who grew beneath it.
39. The Yips (from GuestWomb): Using the phenomenon of the Yips–the sudden inability to perform a task you were always able to perform within a sport–the author explains how his wife (a surrogate) was suddenly unable to give herself the lupron shot one night.
40. A True Love Story (from MoJo Working): An absolutely gorgeous post about marriage–especially a marriage strained by infertility–that contains this thought: “love is a choice. It’s not something that happens to you, something you accidentally fall into or out of. It’s a decision, a commitment.”
41. Pinker Shade of Pale (from Parenthood for Me): After the sadness of the loss, observing the deep grief that comes from an ectopic following IVF, you will find a gorgeous closure to the post that will take your breath away with its brilliance, simplicity, and beauty.
42. The Usual Refrain (from After Iris): The author asks, “How many ways can I write ‘My baby died, I never knew her, I wish I did.’” yet the answer is contained in the post in that it is a limitless amount of times to try to grasp that which is so ephemeral, so wanted, so missed and mourned.
43. Love Happens (from Trying to Get Knocked up by Another Man): After seeing the movie, Love Happens, the author compares the main character’s coping mechanism to her own methods for getting through both her husband’s deployments and infertility.  A post that brings such deep understanding to the experience that ends with a beautiful line.
44. Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, so how did we manage to come to Earth? (from Woman Anyone?): The author and her husband process infertility differently, from the way they view their future to the way they process their past.  An aching post that explains how different it can be for the one carrying the embryos inside her body.
45. Irrelevancy (from Infertility Rocks!): Finally understanding why her friends were obsessed with the small details of planning their dream house, the author astutely explains: “Sometimes, irrelevancy is a choice.  It is a distraction amid a world of not-quite-rights and maybe-extremely-wrongs.”
46. The Baggage we Bring to the Island (from Our Someday Family): Turning the idea of like-father-like-son in multiple directions, the author explains how they processed her husband’s MFI diagnosis and depression.
47. The Monster in the Closet (from BagMomma): A chilling, heart-stopping post where the author recounts a scary dream and what it means to her in the waking hours.
48. Question: When you look in the mirror… (from IF You Only Knew): A gorgeous post about looking in the mirror and truly seeing yourself, not just the scars of surgery or the way the body changes from fertility treatments, but the accomplishments, the emotional wins, the beautiful traits that make us unique.
49. Lengths We Go (from Where the Wright Day Takes You): A quiet and contemplative post on how infertility has changed the author from her early, eager, trying-to-conceive days.
50. Feeling Tense (from Baby, Interrupted): The author explains that though people along the infertility continuum have a lot in common, they are not the same, and comments that state otherwise upset her.  How understanding fades with time, even for those who have been through the same experience.
51. Hope (from One Who Understands): Five years into the journey, and the author expresses that while hope has faded from her life, there is good in knowing where things stand.
52. Exercise, Weight, and IVF (from The School of Hard Knocked-Up): A very useful post about exercise and IVF-cycles as well as curbing weight gain.
53. Open Adoption Roundtable (from Clio): A fantastic post about open adoption, explaining that it is more of a state of mind than a concrete set of truths.
54. Where is the end? (from Making Me Mom): In the weeks prior to starting treatments, the author contemplates how far away she is from ending treatments and choosing a different path to parenthood, and not knowing where that line is in the sand is terrifying.
55. Rage (from The Shifty Shadow): A difficult to read–but important to read–post about the rage that accompanies neonatal death and continued loss.
56. My Skin (from Eye Heart Internet): Words are unnecessary to understand how deeply the author grieves after watching this short video set to music following an IVF cycle that resulted in a loss.
57. Soul Evolvement (from Wheresmy2lines): After a brief background about reincarnation, the author explains that her soul chose infertility so the question, “why me” becomes meaningless.  A very thought-provoking post.
58. 16 weeks and 3 days – An Invitation (from Little Footprints): A brief post serving as an invitation to her future children for her FET that will make you smile; made all the more sweet that one of her future children accepted the invitation and she is currently pregnant.
59. A Natural Progression (from When Golden Pigs Fly): A post about the change that has taken place in her group of IF friends, and how she needs to distance herself while still holding on to the deep roots of the sisterhood and all the support she has taken from that space.
60. Orange You Glad To See Me? (from Mission Impossible? Infertile Multiple Parenting Sans Excessive Doolally): A very funny post about a hair-dyeing incident gone awry.
61. Greener Grass. Greener Pastures (from Conceive This!): A clever explanation for why she doesn’t play the Pain Olympics–because there are no true greener grasses when it comes to examining other people’s predicaments.
62. Come For a Walk With Me (from Burble): A beautiful story, told mostly in pictures, about life after loss and the final resting place of her son, George.
63. Best Day of My Life (from The Adventures of Taderbaby): A very emotional post about losing the birth experience she always wanted to have due to infertility.  The author states: “It took away my ability to call the day I met my children the best day of my life.”
64. Outraged (from Sell Crazy Someplace Else): From movies that mock obesity to adoption agencies that refuse to work with people above a certain weight, the author points out society’s willingness to mistreat people based on weight.  A rallying cry for examining overall health instead of making judgments about weight.
65. Loss, Regret, Guilt and Hope (from I Can Haz Bebe?): Even though they went into the arrangement with the expectant mother knowing “he is her son, yet he was our dream” it does nothing to protect the heart during an adoption disruption.  A post about letting herself trust and open her heart again as she builds her family.
66. In The Present (from Viva La Vida): The thought that she should have her child with her right now kicks off a decision to live in the present; to not wait for another time to do things, but to enjoy the here and now.
67. One Week (from I Never Thought it Made Sense Anyway): After a loss, the author asks: “How do you get the courage and hope needed to try this again?”  A beautiful post about grieving and trying to move forward.
68. The Desire of Motherhood (from Finding Joy in Every Journey): At first questioning why she needs to navigate such a strong desire to be a parent, the author learns to embrace and see the positive side of such deep longing.
69. Birth Story (from Elana’s Musings): A very scary birth story that will make you hold your breath even though you know the author and babies are fine before you begin reading.
70. 4 Days (from Alana-isms): Reflecting on four days when the author knew she was pregnant, she processes her early loss by examining all aspects from the support that came from surprising places to thoughts about the future and trying again.
71. So You’re Infertile, Why Not Just Adopt? (from Creating a Family): An open response to the standard comment suggesting that a person “just adopt” that commonly accompanies online articles about fertility treatments.
72. Preparing or Denial (from Sticky Feet): In a state between preparation and complete denial, the author, pregnant with twins, wonders how much her life is going to change once the babies arrive.
73. The Hardest Letter to Write (from Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed): An absolutely gorgeous and moving post, a letter to the child she’ll never have, that slowly morphs into the child she one day will have, and how all those cells and stardust swirl together to create new possibilities.
74. Rainy Sundays… (from IVF40+): A post about setting personal limits, about being at peace with the idea of living child-free when infertility changes your dreams.
75. Show and Tell: Our Stories in Our Bodies, Ourselves (from Mrs Spock): The story of how Our Bodies, Ourselves came to add information about infertility and pregnancy after infertility to their website.  A beautiful post about how the author’s life experience expanded her vision of pregnancy and birth.
76. A Pregnancy Scare of a Different Kind (from Wait, What?): Spinning the idea of a pregnancy scare during the younger years on its head, the author explains her own pregnancy scares ranging from the idea of never experiencing pregnancy to becoming a different person due to infertility.
77. I Dreamed That Angelina Jolie Was My Egg Donor (from Romancing The Stone): Perhaps one of the most amusing retelling of a dream ever–Angelina Jolie offers to be her egg donor and she has to make a hard decision before the insurance money runs out.
78. In Search of the Lone Ranger…part 2 (from Hopelessly TTC): A very funny post about a semen analysis…I mean, Test One.
79. Adoption and Loss (from Life According to Leah): The author contemplates an idea she read as she prepared for adoption; that every adoption contains a loss for all members of the triad.  A post about how this loss is informing and tempering her gain.
80. Broken (from Fishsticks and Fireflies): A gorgeous post arching over the idea of brokenness; turning the idea of detachment and loss into a beautiful look at humanity as well.
81. Shyla’s Birth Story (from Creative Joy): A moving post about the author’s daughter, Shyla, who was born still.
82. A Lesson from Susan Boyle (from This Cross I Embrace): I’ll admit it–I bawled reading this post.  The author discusses how over the years, she has related to different characters in Les Miserables, finally settling into the lost dreams of Fantine.  She ties in the story of Susan Boyle and the need for that affirmation from others that our dreams–as far-fetched as they might seem in the moment–are possibly attainable and where she draws that hope.
83. Judgment and Hope (from A Journey of Hope – Cesta Naděje): A rallying cry for hope and the need to be surrounded by friends who can listen without judgment, support without restrictions, and simply hope with them.
84. Deep Thoughts on a Wednesday (from Slaying, Blogging, Whatever…):  A post about wanting to be anywhere in time but now, but mourning the idea of time passing as well.  An emotional post about wanting to hold on to every moment tightly while also knowing that all is ephemeral, fleeting.
85. Dear Baby (from Baby Wanted): A beautiful open note to her future child from an adoptive-mother-to-be.
86. If Only Wishes Came True (from Crazy Lady Ramblings): The aftermath of a particularly painful cycle, looking back on fertility treatments up until that point and trying to figure out what the future holds.
87. Riding to Auckland (from Sprogblogger): An absolutely brilliant analogy comparing a long (and fucked up) bicycle journey to infertility and pregnancy loss.
88. Any Old Sunday (from Romancing the Stork): A twist on the traditional Father’s Day post, the author thanks the donor who made their child possible, and thanks him further still for donating without strings or visions of parenthood, allowing the couple to define their own family rather than have it defined for them via circumstances.
89. My Baby Had a Baby! (from Reproductive Jeans): The excitement and joy that comes from finally holding someone you have waited to be with for a long time.
90. On Anonymity (from a + b, waiting for c): An excellent post asking whether we can hold the general public accountable for their lack of understanding about infertility when those struggling with infertility keep their journey private?
91. If You Just Relax (from Baby Blakely): The author’s words are painted with frustration and hurt after a phone call with her mother yields the unhelpful advice of “just relax.”  A post about finding a lack of understanding coming from the person who is usually your support in difficult as well as happy times.
92. Couple’s Lov.emaking Session Sets House Ablaze (from Which Way to Baby?): A fantastic story of a lovemaking session that simply got too damn hot.
93. You Can’t Always Get What You Want (from Misconceptions About Conception): Recognizing her own limitations as a life planner who is facing the uncertainty of infertility, the author wonders how she can let go and accept that there are things outside her control.
94. Defining Me… (from The Infertile Sushi-loving Princess): A list that everyone should recreate in regards to their own life; the author reflects on who she is and who she isn’t.
95. Rambling (from Remember All the Way ): The author reminds the reader as she prays to be pregnant this cycle that “We are talking life-changing prayer here, people!” A post about the enormity of praying for parenthood.
96. Plenty of Time (from Praying for a Little One): A very good answer to the popular saying, “of course you have time” when someone young is diagnosed with infertility. How infertility in your twenties is still infertility.
97. The One Where I Try to Remember it All (from Creating Motherhood): A beautiful post about trying to absorb early motherhood, and while there is no room in her brain at the moment to remember the pain of infertility, she has space to remember the love she received from others experiencing infertility.
98. My Two Sons (from Life in the Phisch Bowl): How the insensitivity of a former co-worker still strikes the author years later as she looks at her own family formed via both pregnancy and adoption.
99. Nothing to Declare (from Irishdad’s Blog): An absolutely gorgeous thought contained in this post about pregnancy after a loss: “This pregnancy is like a smooth long-haul flight…we know that flying is generally safe, but we’re the jumpy passengers that freak everyone else out. Every rumble of turbulence makes us thing we’re going down.”
100. Railing Against the Human (from The Tragic Optimist):  The frustration that biology and time seem to often be at odds with one another in regard to being responsible and waiting until you are ready to raise a child.
101. I Know but Do You? (from Getting There): A must-read post for anyone wondering how they could support a friend who is experiencing infertility.
102. Compassion (from In the Present Moment…): A beautiful post about having compassion for all members of the triad as the author waits to be chosen by an expectant mother. A post about forgoing the Pain Olympics in favour of unconditional support.
103. Forever Grateful (from A Journey to Conception): At the start of their IVF cycle, the author thanks all the people who helped them get to this place.
104. Chuck Norris Does Not Sleep. He Waits. (from Busted Plumbing): A hysterical post about how an RE’s suggestion that she exercise an hour a day coupled with a television watching habit resulted in a Chuck Norris approved Total Gym showing up in her home.
105. Pick and Choose (from Banking On It): How one couple went through the process–both emotionally and logistically–in choosing a sperm donor. A great post explaining the journey.
106. The World Beyond My Front Door (from The Road Less Travelled): Just as no one truly understands what goes on behind the author’s door, she also admits that there is a world out there that she has cocooned herself from and barely knows exists. An emotional post about observing the other roads that one could have possibly traveled.
107. Three (from Epic Fail): Musing on the power found in the number three, the author recounts the death and birth of her son, Joel.
108. Still Moving Forward (from Infertility And Me): A beautiful post about coming to terms in his own time with male factor infertility.
109. Ours, and Adopted (from Write, Baby, Repeat ): A blunt question from a great-aunt kicks off a post explaining how open adoption has changed the way families come together and connects many hearts with threads of love towards this single child.
110. I Thought of a Song and Here it Is: How it Feels to Love the Duo (from Half of a Duo, Raising a Duo): A beautiful post about why she needed and loves to be there for her sons’ toddlerhood; about reliving her own childhood via her twins.
111. Big Day (from Fertility Challenged in Florida): A moving post about preregistering at the hospital where she will deliver her son.
112. On Pins and Needles (from Dreaming of Quiet Places): As the stress of her impending divorce becomes a physical pain in her body, she turns back to acupuncture to find release. A beautiful post about the importance of loving yourself.
113. It’s All Relative (from Yes, We’re One of Those Couples): The author provides an approximation of the letter she has sent to those grieving in her life and wonders why the same support doesn’t apply for those experiencing the pain of azoospermia.
114. Because (from No, I’m Not Pregnant, Just Fat): A grief-filled post about the many ways infertility has changed the author’s life.
115. Oh the Irony: Episode 2 (from Three is a Magic Number): Part of the author’s job as a social worker is to help women who have just given birth create or follow through with an adoption plan for their child. A moving post about helping one woman through this transition and how the author’s own infertility deepened her response.
116. Show and Tell – Beating the Odds (from On the Road to Baby): Using the analogy of a particular tree she found growing out of a river bank, the author weaves a reminder of our hidden reserves of strength.
117. Throwing Out the Calendar (from My Scarlet Baby): The practice of figuring out the possible due date each cycle wanes in the face of infertility until it stops altogether. The author resurrects the practice as a sign of hope.
118. On and On… (from A Garden for Butterflies): Trying to replace the author’s internal chant about her son’s death with a new internal chant about her enormous love.
119. Progress Report (from Faith, Hope & Poop?): An incredibly moving post about a disrupted adoption in which the author states: “And many times I am left wondering…if he will ever even know anything about us & how we loved him.”
120. Life after Death (from Wanna Bee): A fantastic post explaining how “recovering emotionally from a miscarriage is very much like being in love and getting dumped.”
121. Half Full (from Adoptive Families Circle): How an episode of The Biggest Loser causes the author to take stock in her life and view the glass as half-full rather than half-empty.
122. Trix are for Kids (from Wonderful Thing): A post about finding the balance between hope and reality, about being excited to have a plan in place again and taking those first steps to make it happen.
123. Let’s talk about sex, baby….. (from Barefoot and (Finally) Pregnant): After having sex turn into a chore during the early days of infertility, the author finds herself in the inverse position of craving sex during the early days of an IVF pregnancy and unable to have any.
124. Snowfall and Other Surprises (from Saucy Ova): Coming into the appointment with her chest tight from her previous medical experiences, the author explains the release she felt when she met with the right doctor; the one who treated her as a whole being and cared for both her physical and emotional sides.
125. The Uncertainty of it All (from Nothing Noteworthy): An explanation of why the diagnosis of unexplained infertility is so hard; the frustration of feeling as if you are blindly spinning a very expensive roulette wheel.
126. 11dpiui (I Can’t Wait to Go Home) (from Last American Girl Standing): A very emotional post that asks Jesus, who weeps with you, if he’s “tired of crying yet.” The author leaves church during her grandparent’s 50th wedding anniversary, deep in grief after seeing a negative test that morning.
127. The heart is a strange organ (from Long Distance Infertility): The author comes home with a bag full of newborn baby clothes because–come hell or high water–she is going to have another child to fill them. And that lack of wavering in her convictions is what gives her strength in the face of treatments.
128. The day I struck my mother blind with My Lady Business (from Maybe If You Just Relax): A hysterical post about having her lady bits finally return to her own domain only to be viewed by her mother during the terrible bathing incident of 2009.
129. Why? (from The Secret Life of Sass and Lex): A moving post asking about the fairness in a world where children are born into homes where people abuse them and where those who want to responsibly parent cannot. A post about the author’s decision to become a foster parent.
130. Why don’t you just kick me in the teeth while you’re at it? (from Birds and Squirrels): What just might be one of the most painful phone calls in the world. The author calls her friend to talk about her miscarriage only to find out while they’re on the line that her friend is pregnant with a child who will be born around the author’s unfulfilled due date.
131. He Didn’t Take Any of it With Him (from Return to Innocence): A post about the idea that “If I could teach my daughter just one thing in this life, it would be to find the joy in life, not in possessions.” How the things we worry about are fleeting and the true focus should be on the relationships we cultivate.
132. I Earned It (from Once an Infertile): An emotional post about finally receiving flowers for Mother’s Day and what she came through to get those flowers.
133. Just because… (from Back into the Fire): Taking a poem used to empower foster children, the author changes the words to fit infertile men and women and takes back some of the control lost to infertility.
134. A Wish My Heart Made (from There’s a Baby at the End of This, Right?): Testing out the power of positive thinking, the author talks about what she hopes will happen on her third IVF cycle, still keeping in check the terrible reality of her second cycle.
135. They Just Don’t Get It, They’ll Never Get It (from Infertility is the New Black): A post about two categories of the author’s friends–those who say they understand when they don’t and those who say they want to understand yet won’t do the leg-work to learn more about what treatments entail.
136. Things to be Thankful for (IF Version) (from Trying to Conceive): A post finding things to be thankful for through the lens of infertility.
137. One of those Days… (from Skytimes): People believe that because she has survived the death of her son, that the rest of life must never bother her having already experienced the worst. Except that as the author eloquently states, it doesn’t work that way.
138. You are Not in a Bubble (from Such A Good Egg): A post about how her mother’s perfect words came in the right place at the right time, calming her during the storm before a cycle.
139. Why I Am Open about My Infertility Journey (from To Baby and Beyond): The author talks about her infertility not just because her face reveals all regardless, but because she never knows the connection that might be made due to her honesty.
140. Why Do I Want to be a Mother? (from Donor Eggs Journey): Attempting to summarize what the heart and brain know, but is so difficult to verbalize nonetheless–why the author wants to be a mother.
141. Coming Out of the Infertility Closet (from I’ve Got News For You): Walking the thin line between making the journey harder by keeping silent and losing privacy by making it open; the author muses on why we feel comfortable talking to others online about our infertility and keep this news from our friends and family.
142. Daydreams (from Not a Fertile Myrtle): Listening to a child daydream about her future makes the author reflect on what she wanted in her youth and the parts that haven’t come true yet.
143. A New Chapter (from Everyone else but me): A post written in the breathing space that comes as grief lifts; an exercise in appreciating the good things in life despite having been through a loss.
144. Faith And IF (from IF In Big Sky Country): An absolutely brilliant, thought-provoking post about faith, with an analogy to how she sees G-d’s knowledge of her infertility.
145. A Realization (from Maybe Momma Some Day): A request for prayers as the author realizes that she needs to let go and stop trying to control an uncontrollable situation.
146. The Best of Intentions (from the state that i am in): The seven things the author wishes people wouldn’t say and the seven things she is hoping to hear.
147. “Mildly Retarded” is Not a Punch Line (from A Fifth Season): I bawled from the courage the author displayed in this story by putting her feelings on the line to gently educate someone in how to speak sensitively. A beautiful post that teaches as well as honours her daughter, Caitlin.
148. Dear Uterus (from Waiting Lisa): How can you not laugh at an open letter to a uterus that begins: “Message received. I hear you loud and clear. Trust me, the feeling is mutual. I hate you too.” And yet, it is a sobering, angry note as well, a goodbye to a uterus due to endometrial cancer.
149. Choosing My Battles (from The Other Shoe): Brilliant advice about how “raising kids is like the rest of trying to live a good life: we have to pick our battles wisely and in limited number.” A post about when ideals and reality collide.
150. Bleeding Heart (from Serenity Now!): A beautiful, imploring post asking the reader what to do with all of the emotion the author still feels for those in the trenches, knowing that she is unable to lift them out with her words and wishing she had the ability to change their world.
151. Moving On (from our own creation): A post about moving on after a negative beta on a FET cycle; about how she helps her heart to heal when it has been scraped and bruised so many times.
152. State of the Union (from Road Blocks and Roller Coasters): An important post to read about how children can change a marriage and how a marriage can flex and bend around the stress of life.
153. Trying to Find a Balance (from One Small Wish): The author’s wonder and fear over the quickly fading memories of infertility now that she is pregnant as well as the smart reminder that living in the moment trumps all.
154. Because it’s on my mind (from Journeywoman): A post that sent chills down my arms the first time I read it that has that power still–all the things that she wants those left behind to know in the event of the author’s death.
155. Inexplicable Good Mood (from Perchance to Dream ): The author captures a feeling of peace that comes with her final cycle, and while she admits that she doesn’t know how to give up the dream of a biological child, there is also the strength that comes from knowing the next leg of the journey.
156. Show and Tell: Views (from Baby Smiling In Back Seat): A beautiful post that serves not only as a reminder to others, but a reminder to the author as well when she writes: “I hear you, Universe. I will weather the storm, and we will all be okay. Together.” Life after the birth of her twins.
157. Doubt, Disappointment, Despair (from Bee In The Bonnet): A brilliant, philosophical post about how the long-time optimistic author approaches life including this thought: “Infertility does not simply hold our reproductive lives hostage. It holds our expectations hostage. We have no reason to believe that things will eventually turn out okay.”
158. How Did I Get Here (from A Woman My Age): A stark, emotional post that asks the question: “how did I get here.” The author recounts her emotional landscape after treatments and before adoption.
159. Left Behind (from The Therapist is In): An incredibly honest account about pregnancy and how one can want the child and not want the pregnant state at the same time. She writes so eloquently: “And I knew, once pregnant, my life would change. What I never took into consideration was how other people’s lives wouldn’t change.”
160. On the Dangers of Bright Lighting (from Semi-fertile): The convergence of a mirror and bright lighting send the author gasping as she contemplates how she has aged without knowing it. A post about an upcoming trip, the desire to be on the open road with her husband, and the sadness at seeing what could be the outward signs of her declining fertility.
161. How Infertility Has Changed Me (For the Worse) (from An Infertility Journal): An incredibly honest post about all the terrible ways infertility has changed the author.
162. Did You Always Know? (from Conception Deception): Somehow, the author always knew that she would end up needing IVF, though the route to their ultimate diagnosis was full of twists and turns.
163. Is it Always Going to Suck? (from The Unfair Struggle): The story of a celebratory happy hour that was ruined by coworkers stating that she should have a baby. A good friend talks her down when she asks if “it is always going to suck” and a good husband dries the tears when she gets home.
164. What Christmas is All About (from Crable Family Adventures): Choosing a different path to parenthood is what brought the author together with her children. A beautiful story about how life can change in a year.
165. Infertility (from An IVF Pregnancy): A frustrating night with her husband after she tells him that she is only willing to put herself through IVF once whereas he wants to keep going until they are parents. The quiet that descends when infertility barges into an evening out.
166. IUI#4 Tomorrow, Etc Etc (from Hoping For a Baby): An amazing post that explains how “just because I don’t know what it feels like to have a pregnancy, that I don’t know love for my child.” Because she does and her analogy of waiting for her future child is perfect.
167. What’s in a Word?(from LTF525: The Trials and Tribulations of TTC): A post wrestling with the term infertile and wondering how the word can apply to her when she feels so fertile and ready to have a child.
168. I Cry (from 1tsp_grace): An amazing post about her foster parenting experience and the root of all the tears she has cried since the child arrived in her home.
169. Two Revelations (from The Desire of My Heart): A post about letting go of the processes she can’t control, and taking back the good feelings she has about her body when she exercises and feels close to G-d.
170. My IVF Story (from edenland): Now parenting after IVF, the author goes backwards to document their IVF journey–from first child to vasectomy to the yearnings for another child that brought her to the clinic to build her family. Beginning with the happy ending swinging between them on the beach and bringing the reader back to the start, the author tell her story with great honesty.
171. Not Okay with the Status Quo (from All Grown Up): An explanation for why the author’s posts have been about all the distractions in her life; because if she opened the door to what is really in her heart, she fears she would drown in the words.
172. Dear Bean (from From IF to When): A very emotional letter to read, from hopeful mother to her future child, one week into the wait after her first IUI.
173. Ruffled Feathers (from Things get IF’fy): A response to an anonymous commenter’s assertion that those who have children already shouldn’t do ART because it is stressful for the existing child and they should “shut up and just be grateful.” The author, with grace and rationality, explains that gratitude and working with the cards you’re dealt are not mutually exclusive.
174. The Kindness of Strangers (from Taking the Statistical Bullet): When the author encounters a woman at the grocery store, clearly wearing her own mask after the loss of her grown son, she thinks back to the Christmas after she had her miscarriage and how she hid her grief from everyone at the table.
175. A Birthday Remembered and One that Never Was (from Destined to be an old woman with no regrets): While she states that her tears are from happy memories, not sadness, it is with a heavy heart that the reader gets to know the brother she lost to cancer 15 years earlier. A beautiful post asking her brother if he has met up with the children the author has lost, and how she often feels the three of them surrounding her in spirit.
176. Isaac (from Got Love, Been Married, Now Where the Hell’s the Baby Carriage): They had already settled on the name Isaac William when the author heard the story of Sarah again and realized the significance the story has with her own family building journey and possible future son.
177. I’ve Got The Blues (from In Due Time ): A post about the frustration she feels as life keeps moving and her goals of being a young mother are going unfulfilled as another birthday rolls around.
178. Regaining Faith (from Wistfulgirl’s World): When things got tough, the author let her faith in G-d slip from her being. An epiphany changes her mindset and she ends the post in a place of peace.
179. Love Letter to my Belated Baby (from The Great Big If): A beautiful note from mother to child in his first month of life; about how it’s an intense love that drives a person to put themselves through IVF.
180. 29 Days and Counting (from Justamere IVF): Written 29 days from her due date, a post about the cycle that almost wasn’t, which turned into the baby that is; how her daughter, Alexis, came to be.
181. Being Broken (from A Cop, A nurse, 3 dogs & Maybe Baby): The frustration of seeing what others can do so easily that you need medical intervention to achieve. A post about wanting another child and that valley of time before trying again.
182. Infertility and Dessert (from We Are All Mothers): I cried reading this post too–an analogy for infertility and loss, all contained in a night out at a restaurant where you are left waiting for your chocolate cake and get so much more instead.
183. Strength (from The Privileged Infertile): A post about the amazing friendships she has forged with 4 other women from a bulletin board who all support each other through infertility. A love song to the sisterhood.
184. Empty Spaces (from Two Hot Mamas): The author explains why she’s terrible at answering the phone or making calls. After her brother’s death she feels “as though I’m in one of those movies where there are two realities, and I’ve been wading through the wrong one.” A post about missing her brother and wondering if it is right to bring a child into this world when the reality is that all of us will die one day.
185. The end of the fertility journey (from Thalia’s fertility journey): A goodbye that is not really a goodbye, but perhaps more an acknowledgment that while there is a technical end to her family building plans, there is perhaps not a complete emotional end to that time period and the community that grew out of life in the trenches.
186. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde, Capt. Kirk, & Sonja (from Don’t Scare Easy): A great “what if” musing: would she drink the potion if one was made that eliminated her drive to parent. If it could rid her of all of her feelings surrounding her lack of uterus. Her answer may be surprising to you.
187. Is That Why The Tears (from Mommy In Waiting): After her husband asks if her tears the night before were due to her period, the author unleashes the reason on her blog; sleeplessness, her SIL’s baby, and fears about the future create a perfect storm for a downpour.
188. Still Hanging On (from CD1 Again): A beautiful post about finding strength in knowing that many do cross out of the trenches and one day the author’s turn will come too.
189. A Quieter Reunion (from Everyday Stranger): A chance meeting with Santa Claus, only seen by the author, is a touchpoint at the end of a hard year, a chance to take stock, and remind herself (and Santa as well) that she came through the storm.
190. Getting the Nursery Ready (from Adventures of a Dam Engineer): A great post about that limbo time between being on the books and having a child in your home, when the author doesn’t know what is stopping her from getting the room ready so they will be prepared when a child comes.
191. Nothing Wrong With Hallmark Holidays (from Our Family Beginnings): A beautiful new way to look at Mother’s Day; especially for those parenting after infertility who may have shunned the holiday in the past. As the author states, there is no single, perfect way to celebrate the holiday. It is up to each individual, each family, to make it their own and why it’s important for some to do so.
192. Tired of Being in Limbo (from Fertility Foibles): A post that will be very familiar to anyone who has spent time in the trenches–a bemoaning of the eternal wait. The author ticks off all the waiting points and admits that she is tired of the limbo.
193. For Unto Us (from The Other Shoe (Joy)): A wonderful post about how the baby himself isn’t bringing the happiness or creating the family, but how these things flow through him–and in actuality, as the author finally realizes, through all of them and it took a baby for her to see that she creates the change too. With the perfect line: “A son is given. He is a gift to us, not deserved, not earned, just: given.”
194. The US of A (from The Lucky Life): The fleeting hope the author feels as she reads about an alternative treatment overseas in America and her dream of conquering infertility and healing her adhesions.
195. Bills, Bills, Bills (from Coastal Confessions): A post about the bills rolling in from IVF, what she thinks was lost by the experience, and the work arounds they’ve discovered to keep the intimacy of the conception.
196. Dear Santa…are you infertile too? (from The Infertile Mind): The author notices elements of Santa’s life that only an infertile man or woman would pick up on. A sweet Christmas note.
197. Time to Make the Babies (from A Greater Yes): A beautiful post both embracing her donor embryos and also mourning what is lost by needing assistance to conceive.
198. Introduction! (from Creating HackSpawn): Reflecting on a very fertile family history, the author explains how she thought life would go when she was ready to become a parent. An introductory post to her new blog.
199. DE Musings (from It’s Either Sadness or Euphoria): A gorgeous post on what donor eggs can and cannot cure that contains this insightful thought: “But if you’re on the Titanic, you don’t say, if I can’t bring my suitcase I’m going down with the ship. You get in the damn lifeboat if you have the chance.”
200. An Introduction (from Trying to accept infertility. It’s not going well.): The author mourns the hopeful version of herself back from when they began trying to build their family and tries to reconcile herself with the fact that she may be at the end of the road of building her family in the way she hoped. A post about trying to come to terms with living child-free when all she ever wanted was to be a parent.
201. Do I Win the Pain Olympics? (from MLOKnitting): The author asks, tongue-in-cheek, if she has won the Pain Olympics, all the while explaining how we can all recognize each other’s pain without using comparisons or trying to convince others that we have it worse.
202. Aiden’s Story (from Teddy Bear Tins): An incredibly moving post written by the older sister about the day her younger brother lost his son.
203. Fertility Across Cultures (from Hubby, Baby and Me… Would Make 3): An eye-opening post where the author wonders about how fertility (or lack thereof) comes into play in other cultures, especially ones that engage in arranged marriages.
204. Day 2 – The Myth of Rainbows and Kittens (from Annabelle Arriving): Giving the reader every part of the international adoption experience, the author relays a time that her daughter was deeply grieving the loss of her foster family, and how this pain affects both the child and her mother.
205. Primal Wound Book Tour (from Open Adoption Examiner): The opening post to the Primal Wound book tour, with participation from adoptive parents, adoptees, and birthmothers.
206. A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Wherever I’m Going (from Infertile Ground): The author sees a woman that she remembers from the clinic and gets to learn the ending to that woman’s story.
207. Embracing Darkness (from The Egg Drop Post): An incredible post about darkness–both literal and figurative–and using the lightning bolts life throws at us to find our way back to safe ground.
208. My Seriously-don’t-read-this-if-you’re-still-in-the-trenches Ungrateful Mother’s Day Tantrum Rant (from unwellness): A fantastically honest post about how much her heart is wrapped up in having the perfect Mother’s Day. She writes: “I hadn’t known how deeply I wanted a stupid ass piece of jewelry that said MOM on it and that I was counting on that piece of jewelry to mend my broken heart.”
209. Are you sure he’s not autistic (from @ Home in the World): A beautiful post about what it means to fully give your heart to your child; to trust that you will be able to not only get your child through the road of life, but yourself down that road too.
210. What We’ve Been Given (from The Journey to 40 And Beyond): A beautiful post about being an advocate for children within the court system and musing on the turns our lives take–how we come to some roads and not to others.
211. KuKd Folk Music Series: Track 1 (from Knocked Up, Knocked Down): A trip to Portland, Oregon yields a new guitar, a receptacle for the songs that have been pouring out of her since the death of her son. This post includes a link to her incredible voice singing her original song, “For Sure.”
212. Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin (from Our Quest for Parenthood): A very funny post about that other side effect of PCOS–the stray hairs that pop up everywhere.
213. Ah-ha Moment (from Can I get some sugar with these lemons?): How Malcolm Gladwell’s book, The Outliers, made her see her approach to family building in a new light–one that gives her hope.
214. Feelings After 4th Miscarriage (from A Look Into My Life): On Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, the author remembers her four losses and explains what she needs in terms of support.
215. Tempering Hope and Reality (from Body Diaries by Lucy): The author tries to keep herself from running away with hope, able to see the realistic possibilities in the situation, but still needing the good thoughts to propel her forward.
216. What Might Have Been (from Twists of Fate): A post about grieving on the unfulfilled due date of the baby she lost. She writes: “Being healed isn’t always permanent. I wake up every morning and decide to heal again for that day.”
217. An Unwelcome Visitor (from The Pitter-Patter): The author laments the early arrival of her period, and tells a story that occurred during her day of mourning and release when she was confronted with the pregnant belly of the woman beside her at yoga and how the event itself is a mirror for the mixture of pains that accompany the start of a new cycle.
218. Bonding: Adoption & Childbirth (from Friesen Funny Farm): A mother who has built her family through both adoption and childbirth explains how she felt as each person in her family stepped into the puzzle.
219. Devestated (from Giving POF the PFO): A state of devastation after the author learns that she has premature ovarian failure and that none of the roads out of infertility fit exactly right.
220. And Then the Lights Went Out (from IF Crossroads): Looking for signs before her IVF cycle, the author notices 5 lights that all burn out in quick succession and wonders what it means.
221. Mel’s Show and Tell — A Cautionary Tale (from ISO the Golden Egg): An important post and cautionary tale on not getting sucked into the belief that biology will wait until you’re financially and emotionally ready. A post about the cold hard facts concerning aging and fertility.
222. It has been a year (from Trying for a Baby): Reflecting on a year of blogging as well as the end of 2009, the author states: “What have I achieved in this year? Fuck all, other than 2 laparoscopies, 6 months of ovary suppression, and did I mention fuck all!”
223. Today is August 15, 2009 (from Waiting In Sunshine): A beautiful post about how a mother gets the closure she needs after she loses her son in the fifth month of pregnancy.
224. 2009 ~ What a Year! (from Finding Her Way): An entire year encapsulated into a single post, tucking into all the nooks and crannies that make up a life.
225. What It Means to be Okay (from Two Plus One Equals Three ): A wistful post explaining that “okay is a place in the middle. I don’t feel like I can’t get out of bed and face the day…I don’t really want to, but I can face it.”
226. Unexpected Connections (from in all things, good): A gorgeous post about bonding with a man she meets at the People’s Garden and how her infertility has brought her sensitivity. She writes: “My womb is still unproductive, but I am not barren. I still have much to give, even if I cannot be pregnant.”
227. Our New Addition! #8! (from Home..Hands Full, Hearts Full, Quiver Full): A post expounding the author’s pregnancy via donor embryos.
228. Home…. (from Womb for 1 More…): The author, waiting for the beta on her donor embryo cycle, talks about transferring the embryos.
229. Oh, right! My barren womb! (from I, Digress: Tales from a Baby-Starved Wingnut): An absolutely brilliant post that begins as an update before a beta and ends up being so much more.
230. Infertility and Radishes (from The Maybe Baby (Babies)): An incredibly moving post bringing together gardening with the choices that must be made with a cycle and the hope that the choices you’re making will lead to the best result, without the benefit of retrospective knowledge.
231. The TPI Agency (from The Road to Happily Ever After): A tongue-in-cheek post about the toilet paper checking that goes on at the end of every cycle.
232. Rainbows (from Frustrated Musings of a Seemingly Calm Gal): After asking G-d for a sign while she was meditating, the author looked up into the sky after class to see a rainbow.
233. Maybe This is Enough (from Exploring Chaos): Dipping her toe into the pool of what ifs, the author comes to the conclusion that: “It’s amazing to think that two people, living 2000+kms away from each other could come together, meet, fall in love, survive a long distance relationship and complete each other so much that a life without children actually looks doable. It wouldn’t be my first choice but if it came down to it, I think, no, actually I know, that I would chose a childless life with him over any life without him.”
234. A Binder of Broken Hearts (from In Its Time): A powerful post about still mourning her losses even after holding a child in her arms.
235. Do You See It? (from Baby Steps to Baby Shoes): A fantastic post about that invisible mark of infertility that serves not only to separate this mother from others, but also to draw people to her as well.
236. Babies R (from A New Wheeler): A breathtaking post about the need to dream in order to endure the day-to-day.
237. Castles in the Air (from Stacey’s Thoughts on Infertility): A post about her innate need to daydream and plan, to be able to predict what will happen next, and also her understanding that sometimes castles in the air need to be rebuilt as new information is learned.
238. Where I Don’t Fit In (from You Call Me a Bitch Like It’s a Bad Thing): The author explains with great honesty how she views her loss, and how she feels as if this view separates her from others who have experienced loss.
239. Taming Fear (from Waiting For Sunflower): A beautiful post containing great advice (borrowed in part by Anne Lamott) on how to live life without fear.
240. Seeking Closure and a Little Pity Party (from Journey to the Center of the Uterus): A heartbreaking post, the day before a D&C, declaring her end of the road to parenthood.
241. Time Changes (from Okaasan Mommy and More): An incredibly astute post balancing all the wants and needs and coming out with an answer that while may not be perfect, connects to everything she wants out of life.
242. Flawed (from Kmina’s Blog): An explanation of why people envy others, stating: “So, dear pregnant ladies, forgive the rest of us who are not pregnant, but compensate this with a lot of negative feelings, sometimes misdirected. We are just people. We may be terribly unfair to you, but only because we envy you very much.”
243. Sans Regrets (from The Sweet Life): A beautiful post about how the support she received on the continuous pursuit of her dream allows the author to live regret-free, a thought which occurs after encountering a woman who changed her dream not by her own volition, but because she didn’t have the support to pursue it from her husband.
244. Abierto? Cerrado? (from 150 Steps…an Adoption Journey): A great post questioning whether the couple would rather have an open or closed adoption. He states: “It’s a decision with lasting, profound ramifications in the same way that choosing a name carries such weight that it can influence a child’s entire life. How does one choose?”
245. Lupron is a Dirty, Dirty Whore… (from Infertili- T & A): A very funny post about the unusual side effects that she has gotten from lupron.
246. My Lightbulb Moment (from Holy Moly Toledo(s)!): A great post about a blog’s natural transition to a new topic as the author’s focus moves with life’s changes. A post about moving from writing about infertility to writing about life with her twins.
247. If I could write a letter to Abigail on her first birthday (from Living in the Rainbow): A father writes a letter to his daughter on what should have been her first birthday, a year after she was born still. His year without her is a year of grief and learning.
248. Unplanned Harvest (from The Best Seat in the House): A beautiful post using the garden as an analogy for the larger experience of life–the waiting, the inherent loss, the chance for greatness, and the hidden surprises.
249. A Change Of Heart (from It Only Takes One Time…Not!): A beautiful post about changing her attitude. She writes: “It still hurts sometimes, but I believe adjusting my attitude could possibly change my karma.”
250. I’m Afraid (from Mission: Motherhood): An outpouring of all of the author’s fears, laid bare on the screen. And the reader can only nod along because we’ve all felt similar fears.
251. And then there was One (from Hope for a Baby Smith): A frustrated post wondering why so many factors transpire against making her dream a reality and why the universe would allow her to want this dream so badly if it is planning to put these obstacles in her place.
252. C&P From My IRL Blog (from Unquestionable Love): A joyous pregnancy announcement post that the author waited three years to write.
253. Day-dreaming in Donorville (from Think Outside The Baby Box): An expired carton of eggs in the refrigerator triggers the author’s musings on donor eggs.
254. Cutting The Strings (from Apron Strings For Emily): An aching, beautiful, honest post about the author’s decision to live child-free after infertility and her recognition of how her decision affects the people around her too. It is about closure and making room for new doors to open.
255. What I Think About When I’m Not Thinking About Peeing (from Bionic Mamas): From the woman whose pee looks like fancy beer, a funny post about an infertile woman’s urination obsession.
256. From the very beginning (from Lola Constance Evelyn): From pregnancy to death to funeral, an incredibly moving post as the author conveys the last days with her daughter.
257. Jeremiah’s Story (from Cradles and Graves): In response to the people who try to move her through her grieving or dismiss her losses, the author relays the details of her second trimester loss.
258. Realizing (from You Just Never Know Where Hope Might Take Ya): A gorgeous post about accepting the fact that she feels emotional pain for the rest of what she receives due to that passion. She writes: “I would rather have wracking sobs for my child whom I love and hate the idea of being away from, then not feel anything at all. I would rather feel this every day than not miss her when she’s not with me.”
259. Update Regarding Medication (from Journeymark): A post about taking oneself off medications and trusting that a higher power will help you with family building in a different way.
260. To Have Faith or Not to Have Faith (from Waiting for a Baby Bump): The author’s faith shaken to the core by her experience, explains that sometimes G-d does give a person more than they can handle and explores the concept of one person receiving a blessing and what this means for the other person whose prayers go unanswered.
261. HOPE (from Thoughts From a Blonde…): The author lays out all of her hopes for her journey to parenthood beginning with the path being easy and clear, and her marriage becoming stronger during the struggle.
262. Our Christmas Letter in Two Minutes or Less (from An Unexpected Life): The Christmas card the author wishes she could send as she receives the celebratory letters of others.
263. Barren Doesn’t Mean Empty (from Coming2Terms): The author takes the anger and frustration she feels towards fellow infertile women who get pregnant and turns it into strength and creativity.
264. A History of our First Expecting (from Expecting, Minus the Baby Bump and the Stretchmarks): A woman provides a picture of her new son via adoption.
265. Survival (from My Yellow Brick Road Has Potholes): A gorgeous post that contains this thought, “I believe it is not what happens to us that defines who we are. Rather, it is what we choose to do about what happens to us that defines our character. We are survivors”
266. Let the Baby Out of the Closet (from You Ask a Lot of Questions): A beautiful post that explains why we should talk about pregnancy in the first trimester and how those who miscarry deserve all the support we give to other losses.
267. With Devastation Comes Hope (from Waiting For Baby Witko): Horrible news which meant that her sister couldn’t be her egg donor opened the door to a different path to parenthood–donor embryos–and how the author opened her heart to that experience.
268. Rational thinking, what’s that? (from The Bushey Life): Research into her symptoms and conditions brings her possible answers, but also a lot of anger at the fact that a doctor didn’t connect these dots himself.
269. Left over embryos: What to do? (from Hard Boiled: A Donor Egg Blog): An important post about the author’s struggle with what to do with her remaining frozen embryos and what she ultimately decides. It is a post that everyone should read before and/or after IVF if they have frozen embryos remaining.
270. why is the sky blue? (from Fionn): During a time when she realizes that her son has been dead longer than he had been alive, the author reflects on the grief of losing her child and finding a way to actively parent when her child is no longer here.
271. Santa Baby (from A Bumpy Ride): With the heart positive that parenthood is just around the corner, this post is about all the thoughts that go through the author’s mind in the days before her period’s arrival.
272. Adoption Carnival: What No One Told Me About Adoption (from Grown in My Heart): 65 writers recount all the truths about adoption that no one told them before they became part of the triad.
273. Faith CAN move mountains (from Because I Can’t Have Babies): The author explains her enormous faith in adoption and that it will build her family over time. That while the wait is difficult, she goes through the wait with her convictions intact.
274. A Letter to Our Families (from The Subfertile Frugalista): The post she has always wanted to write and has composed in her head numerous times–the author gets to announce her pregnancy and thanks the people who supported her along the way.
275. A New Day (from Find Joy Now): On the eve of a new year, the author writes, “I have decided to do a social experiment, if you will, to see if I can find joy in life each and every day” and she explains just how she will go about finding that happiness.
276. Holy Two Lines, Batman!! (from Sparkly Things Distract Me): A friend’s absolute happiness in her friend’s joy over a positive pregnancy test; the glee of seeing a good friend leave the trenches.
277. Preparation (from Hope Worth Waiting For – Our Adoption Journey): On the threshold of their home study, the author explains how she is filled with hope again–and that hope both thrills and terrifies.
278. HSG Test Day… (from Beckies Infertility Journey): The author recounts her HSG test and how it didn’t live up to her worst fears.
279. Baby B: Our Miracle Baby is Gone (from Mary Katherine Kennedy): An incredibly moving post about learning that one of her twins has died while at an ultrasound with her four-year-old child. A post about processing grief.
280. How Do You Sum Up 10 Years of Pain? (and…Welcome!) (from No Oven For the Bun): A post about the day she learned she was born with MRKH–“You were born with ovaries, but you don’t have fallopian tubes, a uterus, a cervix…and most of your vagina is missing. It’s a blind pouch is all. You’ll never have children.”
281. Looking Back On 2009 (from Baby Dreams): The author reflects on her terrible year and says good riddance, looking towards the next year with hope.
282. Genesis 30: 22 – And God remembered Alesha, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb (from On The Outside Looking In: My Struggle With Infertility): A post thanking G-d for her pregnancy as she recounts the day she found out that she was finally pregnant.
283. Humbled and Amazed (from Thoughts by Kim): A post about how the author decided that she was finished with treatments and ready to start the adoption process, and how her strong faith moved her to action.
284. My Ordinary Life (from I Can’t Whistle): A breathtaking post about how anything can become ordinary–even the injections and scans. She ends with a beautiful thought, “Good old ordinary hope… without it, where would we be?”
285. What, there’s more? (from The Barreness’s Blog): A breathtaking post about trying to create life amid the death of the brushfires. A post about the lead-up to retrieval and wondering what will come next.
286. Happy New Year (from Park Slope Purgatory): On the eve of the new year, the author does a visualization technique and releases her mental embryos with the hope that they will return for a hello in the next year.
287. Belonging (from One Good Egg): A beautiful post about finding her place in the world of adoption, of connecting with those around her and being at peace with the process.
288. Sharing a Song (from All Aboard the Pity Boat): A stunning post about a song that speaks to the author. She writes, “It was a sad, lonely moment, lost in my infertility, but it was also not so lonely. Even if the song isn’t specifically about infertility, it is proof that others feel as I do.” And she shares it with the community, a group of people all struggling with the same emotions she is experiencing with infertility.
289. …more coming soon. This list updates daily until March 1st and I change the date under “today” on the right sidebar each time I update so you know if there are new links. If you are not on this list and wish to be added, please read this post and follow the directions to add your favourite post from 2009. Please help spread the word by telling others about the list and adding the icon to your blog. You can grab the code for the icon by clicking here (this is a new icon–if you have the old one on your blog, please replace it as this icon links to the posted list).

Blogs that Closed in 2009**

We’re so sorry to see these blogs missing from the blogosphere. Every piece of writing changes a person’s perspective of their own journey. The world was changed by their words.

One Must Continue to Believe

Angry Canadian Nurse

From Here To Maternity…And Beyond

Cheese and Whine

A Sibling for Celia

Antigone Lost

Girl [Un]scripted

Past Creme de la Creme Lists:

• The Creme de la Creme of 2008
• The Creme de la Creme of 2007
• The Creme de la Creme of 2006

*I aim for inclusivity, therefore, if you think you belong on this list, you probably do.  From the newly-diagnosed to the treatment vets, from those still filling out paperwork to those with completed adoptions, from those who are trying to choose a donor and those parenting DI or DE kids; those who are completely confused on what to do and those who are peacefully–or not peacefully–living child-free.  Biological infertility or situational infertility, being a single parent by choice, straight or gay, young or old–this list is about difficulties while family building, pure and simple.