#MicroblogMondays 86: Whine

by Mel

23 comments

1 One and Done? { 04.18.16 at 5:46 am }

I think I read a magazine article recently where the author was trying to go 30 days without complaining. The author had a comment that was somewhat striking to me – talking about how people relate better when you complain compared to when you try to take a happier view on things. I don’t know if it’s an American thing and/or a situational thing but I have seen it in action. When people ask how I am doing and I say I am doing well the conversation kind of ends there. If people ask how I am doing and I mention some sort of pregnancy related thing as a complaint, like being tired, the conversation keeps going as the person usually relates some story of their own (their pregnancy, friend, whatever). Misery loves company?

2 Beth { 04.18.16 at 6:36 am }

I am pro-complaining but try to keep it adults only, meaning I’m making a conscious (not always successful) effort not to complain a lot in front of my kids. My 5 year old is a worrier and tends to see the negative side of things lately so my hope is to stay as positive as possible in front of her and help pull her out of this cycle of seeing only the down side of things.

3 Mali { 04.18.16 at 6:45 am }

I am both for and against complaining. It’s all about context and who you are with. I am trying not to complain at the moment – it’s been a horrible year so far, and I fear if I started I’d never stop.

My mother used to make me read the Pollyanna books about being glad. So for years I have tried to be conscious of my complaining. Sometimes, though, you just need to let it all out.

4 a { 04.18.16 at 7:58 am }

I am tired of complaining because I listen to it ALL DAY LONG. Life is just not that terrible for that amount of sustained ire. If it were a few minutes here and there, I wouldn’t mind at all. You can usually work some jokes in, and end up leaving the conversation feeling better. But when you don’t stop and no one can relate, it is wearisome.

5 Middle Girl { 04.18.16 at 8:07 am }

I complain. Not a lot, but it happens. I think it is important to give folks an opportunity to correct errors, impressions, or what have you.

I also think it is possible to complain without whining.

6 Catwoman73 { 04.18.16 at 8:30 am }

I am very pro-complaining. But only in a couple of situations. First of all, complaining about an ugly situation which you can do nothing about can help get frustrations off your chest, and help you move forward and be more productive. Secondly, complaining about a situation which you can and will do something about can help to define exactly what you want, and exactly how you want to achieve it. Complaining just for the sake of complaining, or complaining over and over about situations that could be fixed with just a little effort irritates me to no end. And yes, I am complaining about such complainers. 🙂

7 Lori Lavender Luz { 04.18.16 at 9:01 am }

I’m both, which some may complain about.

I do think complaining can act as a pressure valve. And complaining sometimes leads to change of something that needs to be changed.

But I try to be aware of getting stuck in complaining. At some point — and one must try to tune in to when this point is reached — complaining is the opposite of useful. It brings a person down instead of improving anything.

You made me think!

8 Traci York { 04.18.16 at 9:23 am }

Definitely pro-complaining – it’s one of my most practiced skills! I agree that complaining can bring people together – I’ve seen it time and again in a long line at the checkout, while in the waiting room of a doctor’s office, or leaving the movie theater after a stinker of a show. It can be a very bonding experience. But I do agree that when it becomes repetitive and whining, it can have the opposite effect.

9 loribeth { 04.18.16 at 9:41 am }

Some people do nothing BUT complain, and that can become tiresome to be around. I try not to be one of those people — but I do love a good vent now & then. 😉

10 anks { 04.18.16 at 10:06 am }

nope.. against complaining… totally!

11 Tigger { 04.18.16 at 10:08 am }

I was informed recently by my youngest SIL that I “complain too much”. This, from a woman who pretty much doesn’t hold any conversations with me and only sees what I post on FB…which is a place for me to both celebrate the happy and complain about the negative so that it goes away.

I am both for and against complaining as well. I’m all for it if it relieves stress for you and you have a listening ear who understand you just need to talk about the thing. FFS, most of us have blogs and you see a lot of whinging on them, but they are a way to say thing and vent a bit and still have a record of what was happening at a certain point in your life.

That being said, those who do nothing but complain are exhausting and no one wants to be around them. They cause drama and no one has time for that!

Complaining also depends on context and perception. For example: I play MMORPGs, and one of my guildmates has recently accused me of bullying her because I called her out on her behavior – privately. She spends a lot of time complaining about everything from her health to her finances to her job…and then engaged in behavior that would only make it worse, so I called her on it. She complained to people that I was bullying her and ended up leaving the guild for good…and no one really misses her. The guild is better for it, because there’s not that dramallama around. 🙂 And see? You may view all that as me complaining about a thing that happened whereas I view it as sharing a story. It’s context and perception and people’s stress levels!!

12 katherinea12 { 04.18.16 at 10:38 am }

Both, depending on the situation. I think there are times that there just isn’t a happy spin to put on the situation, and sometimes I’ve found myself resenting it when people want to tell me some variation on “it’s not that bad” when the situation is, in fact, objectively horrible. On the other hand, I do try to find things to enjoy or be happy about and sometimes, that means actively focusing on the good.

13 Jessie Francis { 04.18.16 at 11:48 am }

I tend to be pro-complaining and venting. Hell, my career is based on it. :-p But I also find it useful myself. At the same time, I worry that I’ve been doing too much of it and that all I can think about is finances or infertility

14 Emily { 04.18.16 at 12:03 pm }

I’m all for complaining up to a certain point– but after that point hits, I need to stop. It can easily go from healthy venting to unproductive wallowing.

15 nonsequiturchica { 04.18.16 at 12:31 pm }

Complaining is okay but some people do it all the time which is annoying. Others do it on the same topic over and over and over which is also annoying. If you are going to complain fine but if you do it on the same topic and don’t try to change whatever is bothering you stop complaining about it!

16 Shail { 04.18.16 at 12:40 pm }

For. A good complaining bout and the thing is off your chest. But I am not for the broken record type of complaining which tires the listener too much.

17 Turia { 04.18.16 at 2:51 pm }

I am pro-complaining if it serves a purpose (i.e., if it helps you to see the way forward to solve the problem, or if it helps you to release emotional energy by getting it off your chest). I can’t handle people who complain over and over and over again about the same things and never, ever, take steps to fix the source of the complaints. But I definitely think complaining has its place.

18 Kasey { 04.18.16 at 2:59 pm }

I think Turia wrote exactly what I was thinking.
Complaining has it’s place, but it’s hard when you hear people complaining the same thing for years.

19 JustHeather { 04.18.16 at 4:01 pm }

Like many, I’m a both-er. Complaining does have its time and place.
A recent good complaint from me: I bought a snack for the kids, I tasted them before giving the kids the snacks and they tasted gross, imo. Whether they were supposed to taste that way or not…I didn’t like it and wouldn’t feed it to them. I emailed the company and ended up with a 10€ gift card within a week or two, tops. I’ll still buy from this company, just not that flavor.
Whining on the other hand…I’ve had enough of whining from my boy to last a life time and I am sure there is more to come tomorrow and several more earfuls to come from our girl once she can talk/whine.

20 Stephanie (Travelcraft Journal) { 04.18.16 at 5:29 pm }

I’m against articles that say you absolutely should (or should not) do something that isn’t that big of a deal either way.

To me, complaining is all about context. I do love a good complaint about traffic or the heat as an ice breaker. And I totally relate to those unexpected vent sessions you described. I try not to bring up petty complaints about work to someone looking for a job, etc. But, for the most part, I think it’s up to what’s doing your heart good. Sometimes, it’s a relief. Other times, I’ve felt like I’ve gone so far down the complaining rabbit hole that it’s affecting my ability to feel gratitude, so I try to cut back. But I wouldn’t make a blanket statement that it’s always good or bad.

21 Jess { 04.18.16 at 7:48 pm }

Hmmmm. I think it’s healthy and natural to complain, the whole venting-so-you-don’t-blow thing, and honestly I think it’s human to talk about the things that bother you rather than the things that are going well. The bothers are often so much more interesting and relatable. I do, however, hate when facebook becomes a place of complain complain complain and people want points for having the most things to complain about or something. It’s good to balance the complaining with some good stuff, both for your own mental well being and so people don’t want to just do an intervention for you because your complaints don’t change and remain the same. 🙂 I love me a good bitch session, but I also have been trying to come up with as many things that I am happy about to balance it out. But, to each their own.

22 Cyn K { 04.18.16 at 8:57 pm }

Sometimes complaining produces results. I know I’ve been in the middle of kvetching about some problem and the listener comes up with a solution. If I had kept my churlishness to myself, I would have suffered needlessly. I also enjoy being the one who helps solve the problem. I’m not just looking for a free ride here.

23 Suzy { 04.19.16 at 6:17 am }

I think we all complain. And a little complaining is therapeutic. Nice post.