Throwing Open the Doors of the Virtual Lushary
(Melissa finishes polishing off the bar with a shammy, snaps it, and tucks it into her apron waist. She takes several glasses down from the hanging rack and inspects them before filling them with the French martini she just mixed in her shaker. Melissa startles, suddenly remembering that she (1) has no knowledge of how to actually mix drinks and (2) rarely drinks alcohol herself. She straightens up, looks around in confusion for a moment and then remembers that this is a virtual bar, therefore, there are virtual drinks and virtual drunks vomiting at regular intervals in her virtual restroom. Order in the universe is restored.)
It has once again been a month since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. As always, pull up a seat and I’ll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life. Maybe you have good news to share and we’ll all toast you with an imaginary glass of wine. Or maybe you just need to vent about your RE. Or a terraversary has just passed. Or maybe you just need to have a good, long cry. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person’s blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.
I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.
So if you have been a lurker for a while, sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don’t have a blog–gasp!–you can always leave an email address if you’re looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you’re a regular at the bar, I’ll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I’m glad you found this virtual bar.
For those who have no clue what I’m talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation.
Drink specials this month for all stirrup queens or sperm palace jesters who just personally took a first step on a new path (whether it is a new protocol with treatments or treatments themselves, adoption, third party reproduction, pregnancy-or-parenting-after-infertility-or-loss, or living child-free).
0 comments
Wow I am the first one here. I had to stop in early because I wasnt going to pass up my drink special. You see, I am leaving in about 10 min to go to my first appt at a new clinic. I have decided to get a new opinion. Wish me luck……
Meghan
Ok, I think I’ll have an Irish Coffee since it is the Monday morning after springing forward and I just can’t seem to find any energy! I had a horrible dream last night that has me wondering how I can get my brain to stop thinking about infertility so much. Honestly the only way I think I could stop thinking about it so much would be if I wasn’t. So, I guess I’m SOL!
We are doing our first UNMEDICATED cycle, ever. I know, we’re backwards, but we’re really excited about this. We’ve switched donors, and in preparation for the “deed” I’m going to Florida for a week, and we’re having a huge party.
I also don’t drink much but have fallen in love with the Brazillian Caipirinha. I’ve decided to be on a bender till insemination date. Can’t hurt.
I’ll take a mimosa please. Got a long day in the office where I’ll be surrounded by three very pregnant women, two men on the verge of welcoming new babies and one man who is just two weeks into his new role as daddy. It’s a small office — just 35 total employees. I’m only one of two infertiles — I know this because there is only one other man in the office who, like me, has no kids. Oh heck, just send the bottle over, please…
A Blueberry Martini for me, please. (Just discovered these little devils and they are deadly, let me tell you.)
Just got the protocol for my first IVF cycle! We’re alternately excited and just a bit freaked out over here. (What if it doesn’t work? What if it doesn’t work??!!! What if it doesn’t WORK???!!!!) Need a bit of hand-holding at this point until I lose the shakes.
I’ll take a non-alcoholic special of any sort…just nothing too sweet, thanks…maybe something with a little ginger as my stomach is not liking these meds…
We are 6 days into our IVF protocol…like adrienne, we are both excited and freaked…i’ve been trying to stay completely positive but sometimes that’s an effort…this is our ONE kick at the can as we have maxed out our line of credit on fertility treatments (please say a little prayer that our furnace and roof will hold out for another 3 years or so!)…aaaaaanywho…that’s where we’re at…i have a tonne of questions about the meds, how i’ll feel, etc…we’re doing a micro lupron flare so any suggestions/warnings/words of comfort are more than welcome….
i’m feeling a little groggy this morning so i’m not at my most loquacious (sp?) or witty…maybe i’ll pop back in later…
thanks mel…always feel better after hanging out here…all the best to everyone, wherever they are on this crazy IF journey!
peace
shlomit
Hmmm . . . I gave up drinking for Lent, but I suppose that doesn’t mean I can’t engage in some VIRTUAL drinking! Bartender! One mojito, please.
I’m excited and nervous because we just started our first injectibles/IUI cycle. I didn’t really have any side effects on Clomid– other than killer periods– but the Follistim is already kind of kicking my butt. Tonight will be my 5th dose, and all weekend I felt like I might cry at the drop of a hat. I’m also a little bloated already, and very tired.
The good news, though, is that the injections appear to be working! I had my first follicle check this morning, and everything is looking good. I go back this afternoon (twice in one day at the RE!) for a cervical check and mock IUI. I’m a little nervous, so maybe I should have another drink for the road . . . .
Wish I’d known about this place before! I’ll take a strawberry margarita please….. virgin of course! Much as I’d love a real one right now….
I’m 12dpiui#3 today. Negative on the hpt so far and feeling very discouraged. For some reason, I really thought this cycle was the one. I guess if I’m being honest, I think every cycle is the one, but this one had everything I was hoping for…. until the negative hpt. I know, it’s only 12dpiui, but I got my first positive with my daughter at 10dpo (she’s a Repronex/timed intercourse baby) so I really expected one by now.
Could definitely use some support and would love to know if anyone has gotten a positive hpt after a negative 12dpiui. Really feeling discouraged and not sure how I will handle another failed cycle. Is depression a given with infertility? I don’t know how anyone could go through this and not be seriously depressed!
Here’s a question for ya’ll – how do you explain to your 2 1/2 year old why Mama keeps crying? Poor thing is so confused! I feel like a horrible mother because she should have my full attention but my mind is so often elsewhere…..
I caught a nasty stomach bug this past weekend, so I think this morning I will have a gingerale, please.
We’re into stims now on our IVF cycle, and I can’t stop myself from imagining what the rest of the year will be like when I’m actually pregnant.
These daydreams feel so damn good – because I haven’t let myself think like that for a long time now. But it also scares me a lot. Like letting myself indulge in a pan of brownies every day and then realizing a month later my clothes don’t fit, you know?
Seems like my best coping mechanism is to pretend we’re not even going through IVF.
Ah, denial. It’s not just a river in Egypt. 🙂
Cranberry juice and fizzy water, please. I’m currently caught between worrying that this cycle didn’t work and hoping with all of my heart that it will.
Beta is Friday. Please, please be the “right” result.
Some ginger ale for me please…Although I am just barely into the adoption process, the wait is starting to get to me. Waiting for social worker to call me back, waiting for our profile to be completed. How will I feel once the “true” wait begins?! Argh!
Mel – Apple Martini please. I’ll be reading today if you don’t mind. Waiting for my RE to call and I’m feeling a little bit on the edge. Err…always waiting!
I’m not much of a drinker, but if you spike my juice to fortify my resolve to keep fighting my insurance company, and get over my fear of needles, I won’t complain.
3 weeks of insurance hassles leaves me officially on “Day 16” of my suppression cycle (the fact that it is CD39 be damned), and Lupron starts tomorrow for our very first IVF cycle (our very first treatment cycle at all).
And in the meantime I need to figure out why Lupron is classified as an infertility drug while Follistim is not, and reread the infertility clause of my insurance policy to a few more customer service reps.
I feel like something strong – anything strong.
Today:
1. Realized my keycards for my office are at my friend’s beachouse, with no way for me to get them.
2. I have a picture on my wall that crashed to the ground and shattered.
3. My recently-put-in-new-alternator-on-Thursday
car died again.
4. I am on day 4 of follistim shots – and could cry at the drop of a hat.
5. I have now officially gained 4 sizes in 1 year of TTC – from a size 4 to a size 10.
6. Did I mention crying at the drop of a hat.
Something strong please.
Apple Martini please–strong on the tini….I have AF here this week, so I have a reason to drink while I can!
Mook and I will have our first unmedicated IUI in 2 weeks….wish us luck!!
Can I get one of everything? I’m 10DPO (4th IUI, 1st cycle w/injectibles) and my temp fell hard this morning. Spotting too – fun! My LP is typically 5 – 6 days longer AND I’m taking progesterone so I’m hoping like hell it’s all implantation related. We’ll see.
H & I had a heart to heart last night about plans if this cycle is a bust. We’re going to COBRA a while longer and probably do another IUI. COBRA will cover 2 IVF cycles so I’m going to start doing some research on that although I can’t decide if I’m comfortable pursuing that or not. H would like to start IVF tomorrow if we can. I forget sometimes that he’s a part of this and wants a baby as much as I do.
Cheers to everyone!
Wow, I leave the house early to pick up my damned BC script and all the lushes come out.
Another month child free. Thank God it’s over. R and I went through a lot this month, including a conversation that went from serious disagreement to deciding on custody of the dog (I would get her, since I’m the one with her all the time already). I think I overdid it two weekends ago when I went downstate, so how about adding a coffeeshop on the end of the bar so I can have a nice white-chocolate/caramel steamer?
This are getting right with the world this week. We had the stepson up this weekend, got new bedroom furniture (hand-me-downs from R’s grandma: the first furniture her and grandpa bought when they got married, we got the dressers, R’s aunt got the bed), we’re transitioning the dog to sleeping in the bedroom and not locked in her kennel (which was necessary until now, she can be quite the chewer when she’s bored), and we have come up with some wonderful low-cost plans for minor house remodeling (wooden ceiling with recessed lighting in the kitchen, it’ll be fabulous).
Oh, and R is doing all the research and about to start the paperwork to start his own business. It’ll be an on-the-side kind of thing at least for a few years, but I’ll be doing the bookkeeping and technology-free legwork. Finally a reason to spend all day on my computer (R doesn’t think reading blogs is a good enough reason). Little does he know, I’ll be doing exactly what I do now, with tiny bits of actual work thrown in during the day.
(now to read everybody else’s responses and offer hugs and congrats where appropriate)
I’ll take a drink special, since we saw a strong heartbeat on Friday. However, the only drinks I can stomach right now (even virtually) are milk or seven-up. But please don’t mix them. Ewww!
I need a shot of tequila. And keep ’em coming. Hell, just leave the bottle.
Between the miscarriage in January, my mom walking out on my dad after 31 years of marriage in February, and my enormously pregnant, easy breeder boss about to drop her third child any day now, my life just sucks. The only bright spot is that I’m about to start a testing cycle and I’ll soon have a game plan for moving forward.
If I start slipping off my barstool in a drunken stupor, don’t worry. There’s plenty of cushion on the backside to ease my fall.
Lots of luck Meg! Sometimes a fresh pair of eyes can make all the difference. I hope your new dr can help you make your dreams come true.
AAH0424: You can’t stop thinking about it, ever. I’m sorry your brain won’t let you relax. I’m 3 months into a 1-2 year break, and I still think about IF every day. You’ll have good days soon, it seems like the emotions of IF are on a rollercoaster, and good days are just around that next curve.
Everybody who ordered gingerale: I’m sending lots of “calm nerves and calm bellies” vibes to you all. Between the excitement and fear, it seems like bellies are always a little gittery.
pcosmama: I think you explain it just as well as you can explain to a 3 1/2 year old why step-mama is crying all the time (and why she cries every time bio-mama gets knocked up by her alcoholic bf). All you can do is reassure her that she is a wonderful little girl and spoil her on the days you don’t cry to make up for the ones you do. Take advantage of the good moments, use her energy and joy to distract you from IF for those few minutes that it can. (((hugs)))
Mai Tai for me, extra strong!
And I’ll drink to getting my damn period soon (14DPO, where aaaaare you?) and starting my second IVF. And while I’m at it, I’ll ALSO drink to the hope that maybe Tori will pick us for her baby. I doubt I get pg OR get picked, but I can still DRINK TO IT, right? Here’s to hope, even if she is a dirty whore!
I’ve just got home from my HSG. I can’t drink because I’m on prophylactic antibiotics. I want to drink rather badly. Not all is well in May’s interior.
Gah.
Good luck Meghan! Hope the new clinic is kind and has special tricks up their sleeves.
Hope all of those who need gingerale find something to calm the nerves.
I’ll have a margarita. On the rocks, no salt. And don’t skip on the good tequila.
The last few weeks have been rough. My baby brother (28, married with a 7 month old) got really sick and was in the hospital for 3 days.
We started a mind/body class for infertility last week and I didn’t love it. It’s an expensive class and the instructor made me crazy last week(he talks really.really.slow. and he singled me out in a negative way). We only signed up because several friends liked it and got pg in the months following. Hope it gets better over the next TEN weeks.
Last week was also the one year suckaverary of our short-lived first (and so far only) pregnancy and miscarriage. To commemorate we spent the day with my crazy 2 yo nephew who decided it was time to start using my name. Gah.
To lighten the mood we crashed a baby shower for my cousin and his husband and their brand new (5 week old) baby boy. Their adoption journey inspired us and gave us hope, but it also made us question our path (IVF this summer).
It’s been quite the roller coaster emotionally and I’m hoping for quieter times soon.
I am sick with strep throat so NOTHING sounds good today. I am sure tomorrow I will feel better and have a STRONG rum and coke.
AF should be here any day. I am waiting and waiting and waiting. This will be our first IUI period along with our first time on Clomid and injectibles. I am trying not to have huge hope.
Oh my due date is next week and family will be here. THANK GOD Jamaica is in 3 weeks!
6 copper camels please – I just failed my biology test in a big way. There goes my hopes of becoming a genetics counselor and solving the problem of infertility!
* 1 oz Bailey’s irish cream
* 1/2 oz Butterscotch schnapps
Mixing instructions:
Add Bailey’s to shot glass and and add Buterscotch on top.
OK, screw the coffe drink, I want some of those camel things Tigger is talking about. I think I’ll be safe as long as the vodka stays at the other end of the bar. 🙂 Ooh, and maybe my copy of the pics will come today and I’ll have a big reason to celebrate (and R would suddenly be less sleepy than he was when I brought him lunch at work).
Started with a happy morning… slept late, B got up with the dog, went to yoga. BUT then I got a call from the IVF coordinator. The donor who looked so promising according to the egg people turns out not to be so good at all. We are back to square one on the donor search. Don’t know whether to pay the extra and take our chances on an unproven donor or keep waiting for a proven one who has a good track record. AAARRRGGGHHH!
Saw something on the food network about a Boston Cream Martini (Baileys, Absolute and Godiva Chocolate liquere.) Think I’ll have one of those (virtual drinks are calorie free, right?)
~Mary
Hummm…. Might need a Red Death here (mainly because it has been YEARS since sharing one with my gal pals from college at the local college bars…).
Well, my terraversary of my last miscarriage is coming up on March 21st. But, I am better able to deal with it these days – had a bit of an emotional “ah-ha” experience about two weeks ago. If I continue on this pace, I might be able to throw my hat back into the infertility ring come June…
Well, what kind of specials do you have my dear?
We should know the results of our first Clomid/IUI on ST. PATTY’S DAY! I’ll take anything Irish that ya got!
Nothing’s really going on, but I wanted to poke my head in and say “Hi.” Pass me something in the “expensive red wine” category. Hey – it’s virtual, right, so I can indulge in a drink I couldn’t afford in real life, right?
I looked into being an egg donor. I figured my eggs were proven, and the clinic knows how I respond to the meds. However, I am too old by two years. It is always so freaky to me that I am “too old” for anything.
Tina you reminded me of a favorite drink – A MIND ERASER please!
Those are wonderful – numbing.
The RE still hasn’t called. Feeling so stressed! And all I want is a MONITORED IUI! I’m not asking for a miracle here – or anything impossible.
Head in hands! So frustrated with all of this BULL!
Drinking as fast as I can so that I may forget.
Whoo-hoo!!! I’ll take a nice glass of Porto! (Bogle Port if you’ve got it – I love that stuff!!)
After a really rough year (2 m/c, 1 chemical, 2 failed IVFs) things are FINALLY looking up (doubling beta for Steph’s recent IUI) and I’m gonna enjoy it for as long as I can!! I figure we’re due for a little luck in all of this crap, right??
Breathe in, breathe out… nice and slow. Pour me another – I’m celebrating!!!
Geez, it’s busy in here. I’ll have a hot chocolate with two marshmallows please.
Nothing much going on. Waiting for my FS appointment to see where our next journey may take us.
Looks like it’s been busy during the last last day! I’ll go for a decaf vanilla latte. I’m taking BCP for the start of what will be third and final IVF cycle, which is scary enough that I wouldn’t mind a stiff drink but I’ll be avoiding alcohol from now until… I’m also trying to cut down on the caffeine and already had my morning tea.
I’ll have a Lychee Mojito please! Something to soothe me before I get back in the game. Finally starting IUI#3 after being benched for uncooperative ovaries. Thanks for the company. Lovely crowd.
We’re starting IUI # 2… And for some reason I’m exhausted no matter how much I sleep. So, can I have a Red Bull please?
Ummm, a Gin and Tonic for me please!
What a fab, crazy arsed idea! Love it!
1 little “Babies” as he calls himself (nearly 3). DH and I discovering what secondary infertility is about. (Babies not biologically related to DH) DH and I just recently decided to wait no longer!! Onto IVF#1. Appointment with Doc on 26th! Yay…moving forward!
Coming out from behind the counter to have a drink myself. Can someone pour me a cup of tea? I don’t know if I can handle much more than that.
This morning I woke up feeling mildly strange. I stood up and suddenly felt this intense pain in my stomach. The only thing I can liken it to is a burst follicle–the stabbing pain and the waves of pain and the faintness. But the pain was definitely higher–in my stomach. I could barely breathe and Josh asked me how much pain I was in. When I couldn’t answer, he finally asked–“is this more painful or less painful than the HSG?” Which is just such a sad fact that it’s our point of reference. It was less than the HSG (I had a really sucky HSG). And it passed after fifteen minutes. The pain just disappeared. Very strange. But now I’m left with that post-pain-and-feeling-drained feeling. It’s a reading sort of a day. I doubt I’ll get any writing done so I might as well throw in the towel and go with this assumption and be at peace with it.
I’m trying to adopt two philosophies that go completely against my hardwiring. One is to let go of the things I can’t control and the other is to “not borrow trouble” as my therapist called my pre-mourning ritual of worrying and crying BEFORE anything bad happened. So not stressing over wasting a writing day is part of testing out that first philosophy. What do you think of them? Can a Type-A, anxious, neurotic woman like me find peace by letting go?
Only time will tell.
Must get back behind the bar and continue serving. Feel free to have another drink or two since I don’t think I’m up for doing much more than pouring drinks and reading today.
Mel, I hope you feel better and get beyond the exhaustion of the random-pain-that-disappeared. Go ahead, sit down, I can tend the bar for a little bit while you relax. You really do take on so much: blogging, writing a book, keeping track of all of us other bloggers, and now a bar.
So, what kind of tea would you like? We have both hot and cold, flavored, white, black, green, decaf, chamomile, jasmine, anything you want. Oooh, how about bubble tea? It’s cold- green tea mixed with fresh fruit juice with these giant balls of jello/gummibear stuff. Once you get past the weirdness of chewing your tea, it’s comfort food you eat with a straw (a giant straw so that the balls of gummistuff can fit).
Ooo, drinkies time again, wonderful! I’ll have a large hot chocolate with marshmallows and chocolate sprinkly bits on top and a glass of wine to sniff (I’m reduced to sniffing wine as I can’t drink it!). Well, I’m off to my second scan on Friday (now 13 weeks pregnant) and beginning to stress about that, but clinging to NBHHY (nothing bad has happened yet, useful phrase created by Tertia, I believe). My husband has also had 2 job interviews in different countries so we could be moving. I’m also beginning to think about primary schools (ridiculous!) because you have to put a child down for a primary school at birth in my area, and it gets more complicated as we are a multi-denominational family and schools tend to be one denomination or the other. It feels very strange to be barely pregnant and already thinking about schools!
Thanks for providing a fantastic bar!
Oh man…
Here’s the deal. I’m in such a mental quandary over alcohol use. Last semester we took time off from actively ttc while I started grad school; I took up social drinking with glee. Now it’s hard to change the habit. I rationalize it b/c my doctor (GP) said alcohol is harmless during the first few weeks of pg anyway, plus I generally assume I’m not, even during the 2ww. What’s the “rule”? It seems like there isn’t one, other than if you KNOW you’re pg you abstain. What are the benefits of abstaining from alcohol while ttc? Does it depend on your diagnosis (or lack thereof)?
Here’s the really dumb thing – sometimes I say yes to a drink just b/c I don’t want people to THINK I’m pg (that was how I guessed early on 2 friends).
I need opinions!!! Assvice! Meanwhile, I’ll have a virtual Saranac Black Forest (I’ll put it in the fridge unopened until I figure out what “rule” to officially adopt)
I could use a large glass of white wine, perhaps a Chardonnay? It’s the best thing to calm my nerves. I feel like we’ve been doing so much for moving this adoption forward, and I want to go as quickly as possible. Saturday at synagogue, I was told that the Atlanta immigration office is ridiculously slow in putting I-600A forms through and making appointments for fingerprinting. We’re about to hit a very large wall that sheer force of will isn’t going to get us through. I hate having to sit patiently and do nothing!
In the TWW, again!
Trying to sell our flat before summer which is really hard work coz every time someone comes for a viewing i have to once again tidy the house! I wish they’d all come on the same day, anyways, hi to everyone here, nice to catch up on everyones news 🙂
Artblog
Don’t know if the bar’s still open, but I definitely need a drink. Martini, straight up, dirty. Filthy, actually.
I just got back from seeing the new baby of a 45-year old coworker who got pregnant after one month of trying (after I had been trying for two years). While I was over there, another coworker announced that she is 9 weeks pregnant (also happened the first month! What a coincidence!). While I was blinking back tears, a woman from another team who is due THIS THURSDAY stopped by and stood next to me, rubbing her belly. That is when I excused myself.
And no, I didn’t make any of that up.
You know what? Make it two martinis.
I don’t know if you saw my post today, but I need a seriously strong drink. I mean, I was going to go for the mojito, but a girly drink is clearly not going to cut it. I think I need a single-malt, neat. Everything else is for wussies. So I really, really, really hope the bar is still open.
Most importantly, I hope your mystery pain hasn’t come back. Doesn’t sound like any fun at all. I get a lot of kidney stones, so I’m completely used to horrible random debilitating pain that comes and goes without warning. It’s anything but pleasant.
Uhmm since the virtual bar was so very helpful last month – I’ll take one of those copper camels – actually make it 3… between the anniversary of my dad’s death on Monday, the pregnancy that is in unchartered territory – (it’s virtual I can drink and since they won’t sedate you for 9 months I’m thinking a virtual drink is in order) and then of course waiting for an u/s and trying not to have DBT’s… sometimes being a habitual aborter really stinks – this is one of them… because for some reason you don’t get to lose your memory of when things go wrong and you don’t know how to act when things go right…
So for those who are still trying and those who are waiting to find out if this all worked and to those who are in the unchartered waters of pregnancy – may your drinks be plentiful, your friendship abundant and know that there are wonderful people out there that are rooting for you…
I’m with Karaoke Diva. Leave the bottle of tequila; I’ll help myself.
Did I ever tell you about the last time that we had a party? My MIL got into the Cosmopolitans (we had a pitcher)? She has Alzheimers, and she DOESN’T have a lot of impulse control, and she drank them all (approximately 2 and a half glasses worth) in one sitting. And then proceeded to tango (in her walker) accompanying herself by singing TUNELESSLY and at the top of her lungs.
(We rushed her to the doctors the next day, who said she was fine but, ahem, didn’t recommend we let her drink in the future.)
And on the IF front, we’re on a break, waiting until my husband or I gets insured to continue with any treatments. (We have gone broke, actually, trying to pay out of pocket).
sendings hugs and positive vibes to all.
i will have a liter bottle of baileys and a pint glass… next cycle is 2 years of secondary IF and right now i’m 4 dpo into a cycle and feel like crap. if this is ‘the’ cycle it will be due the same time as my first born!
I’ll take my tequila straight up with a lime. The good stuff please. I like the idea of having a shot and no hangover- and if I am mid-miscarriage this week then I seriously doubt the alcohol is going to do anything but numb the cramping.
I am having a seriously crappy week. I thought bfn’s and cancelled cycles sucked, I think I can add to the list now. Maybe I should sit near towncrier and see if some of the “let it go” rubs off on me.
I rather like the idea of crying in advance of bad news– kind of takes the edge off.
Mel ~ sorry to hear about the mystery pain. And… if you ever figure out how to NOT borrow trouble, I’ll pay you to share your expertise.