The Creme de la Creme of 2008

1. Finally (from Stirrup Queens): The author writes the post that she has been waiting many years to write: a book is finally getting published. This book, which was created with the help of almost 1500 bloggers and blog readers, is closure on an emotional road of both infertility and writing.
2. The Day We Said Goodbye (from Here We Go Again): A post on the anniversary of her loss about what she lost and gained through her miscarriage–a permanent hole in her heart, but also a circle of friends. A beautiful post about community and looking for sweetness amongst the bitter.
3. In Which L Gets Negative (from An Equation of Hope): An angry post circling through all of the feelings of secondary infertility: the frustration that others are pregnant and don’t want to be when you are trying to hard to have a child coupled with the self-hatred from wishing so hard for another child when you already have one and others have none. A post that everyone–primary or secondary IF–will be able to relate to as the anger is almost tangible.
4. Birthday Presence (from Weebles Wobblog): On her birthday, the author welcomes all of her selves, from various stages of life. A beautiful about change and constants.
5. Everything I Wanted and Nothing Like I Thought (from Drama 2B Mama): After getting everything she ever wanted, the author finds herself in a terrible depression. Her toddler daughter is sucking all of her energy during the day and her newborn son is crying all night. It is an insightful look into the elusiveness of happiness once all dreams are realized as well as finding peace with a new life that is not quite what you thought it would be.
6. The Hurt That Comes Out Of Nowhere (from I Think I Hear Your Mother Calling): Written on the eve of becoming foster parents, the author acknowledges that the space open for fostering comes from the loss of her own dreams to parent. That fostering is about stepping into the role of parent without the certainty that comes from other paths to parenthood and letting a child into your heart even knowing that you could possibly get hurt from loving someone so intensely. A must-read post to learn about the heart of a foster parent.
7. The Bacheloregg-Reality Show Taking Place in My Uterus (from Portraits In Sepia): A hysterical post imaging the meeting of egg and sperm like an episode of the Bachelorette (the Bacheloregg!) where the author muses: “Surely in a room full of two girls and about 60 million guys, the girls will find somebody they’d like a second date with.”
8. A Prayer (from Two Hot Mamas): An emotional post where a non-Jewish woman explains how she feels attending shul with her wife, especially in regards to the warmth and encouragement she receives from singing “Mishaberach,” a healing prayer.
9. Show and Tell: Bridge (from Baby Smiling In Back Seat): I cried when I got to the end of this post and you will too when you consider your own personal bridge as well as the author’s story of where she sends away all of her negative thoughts.
10. Why Now and Not Then? (from An Older Version): A moving explanation for why it took the author so long to seek treatment of her infertility and PCOS. A post about moving from a place of darkness to a place of light and why everyone needs to find their own path out of the negativity and mourning.
11. Our Hand (from Our Slow Journey to Parenthood): The author, deeply depressed after a failed IVF cycle, compares her need to continue to a game of cards and explains why she can never fold. She manages to keep her sense of humour even when she loses a hand.
12. Shattered Security (from Sunflower Seeds): A mother asks if our little ones every truly heal as she goes through a particularly trying evening with her son, a ten year old adopted from Russia, and connects it to a series of behaviours that stretch back to his experience at birth. This is a family where the loves runs deep and strong and you can see the care within his mother’s words.
13. Rainy Friday – A Place of Belonging Edition (from Mrs Spock): A moving, important post about how we care for people in our society. Starting at the personal with her uncle, Bobby, and moving to the greater public–a world of forgotten people who are grappling with mental or physical illness and are removed from their homes in order to receive care–the author explains why we need to do something to change the system.
14. The Face of Infertility (from To Baby and Beyond): A battle cry of a post that is a fantastic read for every single person who has ever thought of themselves as a statistic and realized with deeper consideration all they have to offer the world–the good and the bad.
15. Rough and Tumble (from Finding Maddie): Promising not to sugar coat international adoption, a mother tells of a day when all she wanted to do was return home from the Ukraine with her daughter and all her daughter wanted to do was spend time with others. And how it broke her heart but also (I am willing to bet) was one of the moments that turned her into an incredible mother who feels so deeply for her daughter and herself.
16. Is There More That I Can Do? (from Stop The Train I Wanna Get Off): A moving post about how one reader processes loss in the blogosphere and turns all of the emotion she feels when reading another person’s story into good in her own world.
17. Still Here (from Indi’s Human): The author sees her life in fragmented moments from the time she learns her baby has no heartbeat until her returns to the doctor to “discuss her options.” You will cry along with the author as she stares at her baby on the ultrasound machine and memorizes the parts of his/her body.
18. The Shallow End Sucks, Too (from I’m a Smart One): The author reminds that things are not always as they seem and goes through her infertility history despite the fact that she is now a mother of four and a successful gestational surrogate. In fact, it was her experience with infertility and finding a community online that made her decide to become a surrogate. The post ends with an important question about how we give support outside our personal experience.
19. My Cross Pollination Post (from Sell Crazy Someplace Else): An honest, gut-wrenching post about depression from a beautiful woman [I get to say that as the editor of this list because I know her] who has spent time in the darkest of dark places and explains so the rest of us can understand.
20. Star’s Story (from Our Crazy Life with Twins after IVF): The author recounts the loss of her first baby, Star, from how the baby got her name to the aftermath of losing her. A touching tribute to her first child.
21. Opinions Are….. (from Mission:Impossible): Extremely sage advice on parenting newborn twins–what you need, what you don’t need, and all the things in between. A go-to list for anyone who sees two heartbeats on the sonogram.
22. Thoughts on Father’s Day (from Life as Dad to Donor Insemination (DI) Kids): Refusing to minimize the role his sperm donor played in the creation of his children, the author thanks the man who provided the means for him to reach fatherhood. A gorgeous post on Father’s Day from a dad who has lived the idea that it takes a village to raise a child–sometimes from preconception to adulthood–with the fantastic final thought: “So on their behalf I wish him a Happy Father’s Day and I say to him thank you for allowing me to do the same.”
23. Unconditionally Happy (from Elana’s Musings): A post that is about being unconditionally happy for another couple who conceives and how the author believes it is the reason she has become pregnant herself. It is about making room in your heart for possibilities.
24. My Sweet Little Angel (from Empty Nesting): A note to the baby she lost promising that she will not remember the life she thought would happen but will instead consider the life that did happen. She tells her child that she will take her time to mourn and that her baby should take her time to leave her body behind, allow the miscarriage to happen, and gives her permission to let go. You will not be able to read this post without crying.
25. Searching For A Way To Let Go Of The Familiar Path (from The Surprise of Unfolding): Just as the author delicately reframes her own words, this is a post about how dreams change. It is about letting go to sadness again and again and again as things change and how that sadness seems to always emerge once you are inside the car and facing the road ahead.
26. A Piece of Me (from Tears Are For Babies): The author reflects on a poem she wrote years earlier about infertility in a private journal and explains why she lets hope in month after month. Like the story about the poem itself, the post twists in midstream and ends on a buoyant thought of the future.
27. That’s Interesting (from Our Family Beginnings): After her blog is found by her father, the author states that she makes no apologies for how she fixes what is broken in her life. A rallying cry for why writing heals, she gives the disclaimer: “I don’t write this blog to tell you things or to make you feel more or less comfortable. I write this blog for me and for perhaps another woman who may one day walk in my shoes.”
28. Musings on the Second Time Around (from Slaying, Blogging, Whatever…): The author fills the nine year space between her two children and explains the difference between being pregnant the first time and being pregnant after IVF. A beautiful post about secondary infertility and what we lose and gain through the long wait between children.
29. Happy Birthday (from Our Wish Come Two): In a post barely longer than a haiku, the author conveys the elation she feels now that her twins are finally here.
30. Reflections (from The Fertile Infertile): A fantastic post that finds the silver lining behind her losses; that speaks about the support she draws from community and her sisters-by-choice.
31. Thankful for Infertility (from Sticky Feet): On the eve of returning to the RE for another round of let’s-make-a-baby, a list of all the reasons she is grateful for infertility including the ways it changed her as a mother, the way it strengthened her relationship with her husband, but most of all, for her son, Bo. Without infertility, it would have been a different child and a different life.
32. The Big O (from Dear Gherkin): A celebration of her eight day festival of derangement, the author explains how she does the two week wait on the few times a year that she ovulates. A very funny post about a not so funny topic.
33. The Ache (from Fertility Challenged in Florida): A story about how much she loves her sister reveals also the deep ache that comes from when life plans change. She thought she’d have children around the same time as her sister so the cousins could play together. The post ends like a good cry; with a release of emotions and a determination to return to the fight.
34. WFW – Isaiah 40:31 (from Musings of a Teacher): Explaining how a passage from Isaiah fits into her life, the author tells a story about a time when she was certain she was pregnant but the blood test revealed no hCG and how she finds the strength to keep trying to reach parenthood.
35. I Can Spot Them a Freakin’ Mile Away (from Facing My Giant: The Infertility Edition): The author explains the different ways women glance at those who are pregnant and how the same image can mean something very different to two different people.
36. I Want to Be Normal (from The Problem With Hope): After not struggling with the concept of infertility when they were trying to build their family, the author cannot understand how infertility is bothering her now during parenthood. And yet, her perspective has been changed and she is learning how to navigate this new normal. A very interesting perspective on how infertility can change the way you view the world.
37. Picking Myself Up Off the Floor (from Destined to Be An Old Woman with No Regrets): A beautiful post about discovering in the midst of chaos that everything will be okay.
38. Rough Patch (from Life from Here: Musings from the Edge): A favourite holiday changes from nostalgia and thoughts of the future to simple sadness at being the only childless couple in the pumpkin patch. There are days when it doesn’t matter what the future holds but instead the focus is on the shape of the present. And this is a perfectly captured moment that shows the ache of her current state.
39. This Medusa (from The Shifty Shadow): A fragment of thoughts on the topic of faith after the loss of a child. The post begins: “When holding your daughter as she is dying, and after she has died, you find out if you have faith. I found out I do. What exactly that faith is, or is in, is still quite unclear. But I believe.” And it just becomes even more profound from there.
40. The Infertile Identity (from Faith In Fertility): This post contains a gorgeous thought: “Rather than drowning in a lake of infertility, I am sailing on it. It is going to take me to a place that otherwise I would never get to.” It is a post about how we define ourselves and how we don’t have to define ourselves.
41. Looking Back (from The Not So Secret Life Of Us): A post about finally finding the one place in life where determination cannot make a dent. A post about experiencing multiple losses and coming to the realization that she is not a failure–if anything, she is a success story about the human spirit.
42. God Gives All Chances to Fools!!! (from Woman Anyone?): A post questioning why those who don’t want to become pregnant do and those who do want to become parents experience infertility and where G-d stands in all of this.
43. Moments (from Building Heavenly Bridges): The what ifs used to devour her, but now she is focused on the other moments that come–both good and bad–without any warning. A beautiful post about parenting after a loss.
44. Great Expectations (from Stacey’s Thoughts on Infertility): Even though the expectations change over the course of the author’s life, the disappointment when expectations are unfulfilled are a constant. Still, she can see how the losses fit into the bigger picture and feels thankful even for expectations unrealized.
45. Enough (from Life After Infertility & Loss): Musings on the word “enough” and how each person defines their limits, the reasons for what they do, or how they know the next step. A beautiful post about family building, loss, and the balance of the two.
46. Seeing Clearly (from BagMomma): The author writes: “A failed cycle is so short in the grand scheme of things, but put all the failed cycles, testing, losses, and breaks together and many of us miss entire years of our existence” and this is the basis for a post which is not just a cry to live life, but also the amazing things you can see when you remember to look for them.
47. If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, maybe babies are from Pluto? (from Life and Love in the Petri Dish): A fantastically written post summing up their journey to become parents.
48. My Script Was Stepped On (from Missed Conceptions): Every person wakes up each morning with a script that they’ve written and wish to act out throughout the day. This is a post about what happens when someone steps on your script, doesn’t follow their lines, or rips up all of your hard work. A very interesting concept that will hopefully turn on the lightbulb for you as brightly as it did for the author.
49. You And Me, Or, NST #5 (from The Liminal Universe): As you read through the birth of the Chieftain, you will feel as if you are there in the room, watching the monitors and feeling the contractions. A very moving post about a child who finally arrives.
50. The Maiden and her Lupron (from Hope Springs Infertile): A hysterical post about a missing bottle of Lupron, a trip through the trash bags, and expired medication as well as discovering the Lupron’s hiding spot.
51. Oh My Aching (from The Idle Mind Of Beth): A lovely post about the time she spends with an understanding friend’s children and how much she loves it as well as feels wistful once the night is over.
52. I Know (from Walking the Journey): An apology; a post of forgiveness; words of understanding–a stunning post, simple in form, that reads like a sigh and hug at the same time.
53. Infant Loss and Miscarriage Remembrance (from Two Kayaks): A reminder of how wrong people can be in their assumptions as well as a call for empathy on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
54. Where is the Line? (from Hope & Despair Mingled Together): The author questions where the line is drawn between too much hope and not enough hope. On one hand, the dreaming is what keeps her going month after month and on the other, it is what makes the end of the cycle so incredibly bitter.
55. I Don’t Hate You (from Apron Strings For Emily): An honest and raw note to the author’s SIL explaining why she keeps a blog and what she gets out of writing about her experience; on how their journeys differ and how her SIL will never quite understand where she is coming from.
56. Staying Alive (from Get Pregnant): The author explains why giving up isn’t an option; how stopping will never get her to the place she needs to be and how she will keep trying until she reaches her goal.
57. The Post on Praying (from Wheresmy2lines): Excellent questions on the power and purpose of prayer; a post about what message is being sent when prayers are going unanswered.
58. Sarah Laughed (from A Beautiful Uterus!): Calling forth the story of Sarah from the Bible, the author explains why she also laughs when people give her advice on infertility and how she doesn’t quite believe that she will ever have a child as much as she works towards that goal and never wants to doubt.
59. The Garden of Life? (from Loving Thee… and more): The author uses a story about her garden to wonder about how to deal with the weeds of life–those people and events that wish to bring us down.
60. Girlfriends (from Maybe it’s Just Me…): A fantastic story about a reunion of five high school friends who grew apart and then came back together nine years later.
61. The Little Yellow Pill that Wouldn’t (from The Maniacal (wanna-be) Mommy): A very funny story of the magical reappearing Prometrium capsule giving a whole new meaning to the 5 second rule.
62. And The Urologist Says… (from Conceive This!): Whipping out her infertranslator, the author points out the cruelty in the doctor’s words as well as his judgment and ends with an excellent piece of advice: “relaxing does not cure genetic mutations.”
63. Becoming Me (from Coming2Terms): 18 months after deciding to live child-free after infertility and nearing on her 45th birthday, the author reflects on her life, where she thought it would go, and where it is now.
64. Hope Floats (from Bella And Her Fella): A sweet and brief post reminding the reader to give a new journey time to sort itself out and allow hope to float to the surface.
65. One Year Ago… (from Eggs Benedict Arnold): A very powerful post about being in the delivery room for the birth and discovering several days later that the woman intends to parent. The author wonders how and if they remember her and the role she almost played in their lives.
66. Don’t Tell Me What God Meant, I Already Know (from There are some days you can’t help but ask… I got out of bed for this?): The author reprints thoughts on infertility written from an anonymous source, though the true meat of this post is in the disclaimer which explains how a person can be exceedingly happy with their life and mourning at the same time.
67. I Said I’d Never (from Lilyanasmom): A very funny story of a woman who has metamorphosed into the mother she claimed she’d never become complete with a pyjama-wearing-in-public, sticky mess of a delicious little girl.
68. Love (from Burble): On a day when, in her own words, she is okay, she describes the incredible love she has for her fiance and partner in loss, Ray.
69. He Loves Me . . . (from It’s Not the End of the World): A beautiful reminder to herself that her husband loves her and has never not loved her, an important thing to remember when you are traveling a hard road.
70. Muppets From Space (from The Maybe Baby): An adoptee wonders if her future children, who will be created through egg donation, will have the same longing to know their origins. She writes so astutely: “If they do, I will need to remember that this particular kind of curiosity and longing does not go hand in hand with rejecting the life, or family, or love that you have. It really does coexist.”
71. If I Had to Impart Any Words of Wisdom to Prospective Adoptive Parents Wishing to Adopt in Ukraine, It’d be This (from Privyet!): Required reading for anyone adopting from Ukraine; this post explains the process, what to expect, and prepares every adoptive parent for their journey.
72. She’s Having a Baby, I Had a Miscarriage (from Barren Is the New Black): Two women become pregnant around the same time; one has a baby and one has a miscarriage. The author wistfully discusses the concept of her friend’s child as a measuring stick to the child she never knew.
73. The Hulk in Me (from Reproductive Jeans): Though the author doesn’t often get angry, this post is about riding out a wave of the emotion after receiving a negative for her IVF cycle. The anger is almost tangible in her words and reading the post is as emotional as throwing plates against a brick wall.
74. Investigation Update (from Womb For Improvement): A very informative post about her HSG, but also, a warning: I spat the coffee I was drinking at 9:31 am.
75. Infertility Musings (from The Musings of a Princess): The other end of the age spectrum with infertility–the author writes about being 20 and infertile and the commentary she receives due to her age. An eye-opening post as well as wonderful musings on guilt.
76. I Really Want a Baby (from Crazy Lady Ramblings): A wonderful post where the author points out that she sometimes forgets the big picture as a coping mechanism, her mind instead focusing on getting from one step to the next. But at the end of the road, what she wants is not to have a positive beta or a pregnancy or a birth–what she wants is a child to parent.
77. Still Positive After All These Years (from You Just Never Know Where Hope Might Take Ya): A very moving post about how infertility has affected her life. While she is not thankful for infertility, she still gives a nod to all the ways it has influenced her outlook and life experience. And in turn, she gives weight and love to her loss.
78. Controlled and Focused Anger (from The Angry Infertile): An open note to an anonymous commenter who didn’t understand the anger behind the words–a rallying cry for everyone fed up with infertility.
79. To My Cyst (and the response) (from Fertility Alphabet Soup): If you think your Aunt Jane comes up with terrible advice, try taking it from the cyst in your left ovary–funny and sad at the very same time.
80. Holding it Together, Falling Apart (from The Road Less Travelled): The post begins with a story: the author remains calm in the crisis only to breakdown once the crisis has been managed. And this is a small window into the world of stillbirth–of not only staring a what if in the face, but wading through it for ten years–and understanding why the emotions bubble back up time and time again.
81. Two Years Ago (from Not The Path I Chose): A very moving account of the ectopic pregnancy she experienced two years earlier and the loss of her left tube.
82. Balloons….Everywhere You Look (from Helping Make Sense): An absolutely perfect analogy for how the visual reminders of infertility–babies, for one–can affect the viewer. A window into the experience for anyone open-hearted enough to look through it and truly see.
83. Starting Over (from Rebuilding Myself): A post that will send chills down your arms–the author compares trying to reach parenthood to a race, with some of the runners unencumbered by baggage and others trying to complete the race with heavy packs on their back.
84. Dear Sperm: Find the Goddamned Egg (from Knocked Up, Knocked Down): An open note to sperm which begins: “We, the undersigned, hereby issue this notice of formal reprimand for the following violation: not finding the goddamned egg.” A very funny, tongue-in-cheek post reminding sperm that they were hired for one job only, and a job for which they had an impressive resume.
85. Dear Santa (from Saucy Ova): A very fair letter to Santa, coming many years after her previous letters have been sent, asking not for things that are outside of Santa’s range of expertise, but instead of intangible courage to get through the emotions that tend to choke her during the season. A beautiful post and a reminder of how difficult holidays can be during infertility and loss.
86. Mother’s Day for the Accidental Non-Mom (from LaurieWrites): After reading posts from those child-free by choice, an accidental non-mom explains that her feelings are far from ambivalent and she has always wanted to parent. The author redefines wikipedia’s entry on being child-free, explaining that circumstances sometimes place you in categories you never wished to be. A beautiful post for Mother’s Day.
87. Getting There (from G-d Given Passions): A wonderful analogy to how it feels to have her husband moving slower emotionally through the adoption process and what she is missing herself when she is speeding along.
88. 6 Months Today (from It’s Unusual): A reflection six months after the loss of her son, Rogan. Her family gives her a bench where she sits and thinks and the inscription reads: “When tomorrow starts without me try to understand / an angel came and called my name, then took me by the hand.” A wistful, quiet post.
89. Labels (from Thinking Miracles): A very powerful post; the author reflects on all of the labels that have never bothered her over the years and the one that hurt her tremendously when she read it on her chart.
90. 60 Seconds Of Pure Magic (from The Other Side): A woman gets to set down her emotional baggage for sixty seconds and rest. While she knows other women get to experience pregnancy burden-free, she is just grateful for the short period of time where she was simply a pregnant woman just like every other pregnant woman and fulfilling the swimming daydream she had been mentally keeping for six years.
91. Make It Rain (from There’s a Baby at the End of This, Right?): The author returns to the worst day of her life–the last time she walked in the rain and the day she discovered that her IVF cycle didn’t work. A heartbreaking post of the emotional side of IVF.
92. Dear Me (from Getting There): A letter written back to her seventeen-year-old self where she gives sage advice including don’t forget that your parents are getting older as you are getting older and a promise that there will be trials in the future that she can’t tell herself about now. She writes: “I won’t tell you know because it will seem irrelevant and you will not understand. But you will get through it; because you are a stronger person than you can ever imagine.” I bawled reading that line and I’m still crying now as I write this blurb.
93. Can I Step Off This Roller Coaster, Please? (from More Than Dog Children): After the highs of putting on the baby’s first diaper and bonding with the family, the reality of adoption creeps in when the mother takes home the child for a week to think about the adoption plan. A moving post about being in a state of emotional limbo.
94. Two Weeks! (from Clio): A sweet post about the changes that have taken place in the first two weeks of her daughter’s life.
95. Dr ‘Speed’ (from We Say IVF They Say FIV): A story about “Dr. Speed,” the sonographer at the practice who moves women through the ultrasound line at lightning speed as well as a dream that somewhat comes to life inside the ultrasound room.
96. I’m Sorry I Was Mean (from Waiting for the Ukulele): An apology to a woman who asked a question and received the weight of stored anger from the author–a story of how what might have felt right in the moment makes her feel remorseful upon reflection.
97. Why do Old Habits Die So Hard? (from My Many Blessings): A moving post about mental health and pregnancy loss. After working so hard to control her anxiety attacks, the author has one while pregnant with her second son after many prior losses. She debates going back on medication and how the whole event makes her feel.
98. My Heart is Breaking (from A New Wheeler for the World?): The cry that comes regardless of what you already know when you receive the phone call that you’re not pregnant. A post about how our heart is always drawn towards hope and how it feels when reality brings it back to the present.
99. Enfolding (from Production, Not Reproduction): A beautiful post about open adoption that begins with a christening dress that has been passed down through four generations of women and a quilt that spent a commensurate amount of time being passed through her daughter’s first family and how these two pieces of fabric come together to create the whole picture.
100. The Difference an IFer Feels about Her Children (from The New Life of Nancy): While she states that the love remains the same from mother to mother, the author points out the changes that she has undergone in regards to her children due to infertility. She has learned what she would be willing to endure to have a child and infertility has made her a better mother in her eyes.
101. This is Too Much (from The Other Life of Nancy): Though the author loves being pregnant, moving deeper into the infertility world has made her conscious of the way she speaks and presents her current pregnancy. A post about circumspection and perspective.
102. Sorry, Can’t Help You (from Sunny in Seattle): A very funny post where the author imagines herself attending an alumni function and speaking to prospective students about everything that has happened since college.
103. Hard Horrible Days (from Mrs. Maynard-It’s Us Against the World): The author asks the eternal question: “how is a person supposed to have faith” when bad things happen to good people. A post written a week after her son’s birth who was born still, she describes the way her entire body cries.
104. Sharing (from My Pathway to Motherhood): The author wonders why she holds people at arms length when it comes to letting them into her journey to conceive. A quiet, inquisitive post that will make the reader consider their own relationships.
105. Maybe Some Day (from You’re Still Young!): The author muses on the return of her Shabbat ritual which fell to the wayside when the tears began encroaching upon the entire Friday night ceremony. The act of bringing back the ritual serves as a reminder of what she wants in her future.
106. What I Said (from Communique): A fantastic analogy to the author’s experience with running. When she first began running, she wasn’t necessarily the best, but she could keep up with the group. After she took off a bit to recuperate from an injury, she found that she could no longer keep up with the group. She has no intention of quitting trying to reach parenthood as she did with running, and the analogy gives her insight into her determination.
107. Creation (from Solo Trekking Through Recurrent Miscarriage): A very important post about following your passion, about noting what makes you happy and doing those things–not as a side note to life, but as life itself.
108. Last Thoughts on that Bitterness Post (from Tragic Optimist): Musings on the idea of envy, especially as it relates to conception stories. Though she wouldn’t trade her daughter for the world and even loves the way she persevered through infertility, she admits that conception stories bring out her jealousy and she wishes she had one that she could tell with a wink.
109. Rainbows (from Of Love and Loss): The author finds greater meaning in the rainbows of life, their ephemeral beauty, and how we need to note these moments of unpredictable loveliness.
110. Taking Center Stage (from Ruminations): The author notes our human tendency to want others to acknowledge the things that are most important in our lives but also admits that it is impossible to reach the same level of passion if you haven’t personally experienced the situation. A great post giving nod to others while also requesting respect for her world view.
111. F*ck Normal (from Falling or Flying): The author’s concept of normal has changed so drastically that she is having a difficult time navigating her new space. Every moment hurts and she is essentially searching for a moment of peace, where she can rest and not consider everything she has gone through up until this point.
112. Making of a Parent (from Our Surrogacy Adventure): The author, from a blended family, writes: “My parents are my parents because they love me not because we share genetics.” An adoptee muses on the thought of using a surrogate and what makes a family become a family. An important post to read to gain a new perspective on when children push their parents away.
113. You’ll Be Blessed… (from What To Expect When You’re NOT Expecting): During the two week wait from IVF #3, the author cannot help but hope that the three embryos inside her will stick around and become the baby she always dreamed she’d have with her husband’s red hair and her green eyes. She waits, consumed by the what ifs, and hoping that she will one day have a house that is never quiet.
114. Praying for Grace (from Divine Secrets of the Infertility Sisterhood): A post about “answer envy”–that jealousy that comes when you hear that someone else who had the same wish as you had their needs met when you have not. The author speaks about the three pregnancy announcements she faced during the week and how hard it can be to be happy in the face of another person’s good news when you are sad.
115. In Which A Miserable Lunch Comes To Represent My Struggle With Infertility (from Working On It): The author has food allergies and a painful lunch out becomes analogous to infertility with the same isolating effect as others eat what they wish around her while her own option is a cold salad. A great post about how much we lose with isolating experiences when it comes to time within community and with friends.
116. Cheated (from Our Own Creation): The author deals with her enormous grief by listing all the ways she has been cheated by life when it comes to her path to parenthood from infertility to the loss of her son, Lennox. A very moving post written while her daughter, Zoe, was still alive, it is hard to read it without adding to the list and wanting to envelope the author in a hug. The anger is such a deep presence in this post and it becomes a cry for a modicum of fairness in life.
117. Tick… tick… tick… tick…… (from Option Adoption): Unlike the traditional two week wait, the period of time before the author learns whether she has passed her homestudy is experienced without searching for signs. And it is the lack of physical symptoms–in other words, the quietness–that is the hardest part of the wait.
118. Catching You Up…Childless (from On The Outside Looking In: My Struggle with Infertility): The word “childless” inside a poem serves as an anchor to the thought, a statement of the present as well as a fearful peek into a possible future. A spiritual post about finding peace inside a place of pain.
119. Sadness, Love, Joy (from Nonlinear Girl): After describing sadness as a heavy coat, the author explains the reasons why she has been able to shed her jacket and remain at peace during this last failed cycle. It is about finding happiness in the small ways people connect in the face of a crisis.
120. SOS from the Qantas Club (from Dr Barreness): The author, stuck on a vacation with family, learns that her brother’s wife is expecting again. Cramped in the back seat of a small car with her niece, she endures a long conversation about his happiness while silently considering her own sadness.
121. Our Story and Other Random Thoughts… (from Almost There…): When her church asks her to write out her four year struggle to build her family, the author isn’t sure that she can put the experience into words. But once she sits down to write it, the whole story flows. A tale about a family forming through adoption.
122. A Pep Talk of a Different Kind (from Musings of a Fat Chick): A very funny open note to the sperm that have just entered her body begging them to just swim towards the egg.
123. To My Baby (from EmptyHug): A not-yet mother writes a beautiful note to her future child, pointing out the difference between a child who is merely conceived in the uterus and one that is also conceived long beforehand in the heart.
124. A Nice Sort of Day (from Miss E’s Musings): The way the world looks when springs–both figuratively and literally–come around on the calendar. A sweet post about happiness after a long wait.
125. The Next Frontier (from Indyness): One of the most interesting and eye-opening posts I read all year: the author explains why they’ve chosen adoption as well as their limits within adoption. She writes: “Pregnancy fucks with her identity too much. I get that. Not getting pregnant seriously fucks with my identity.” And I think it is a beautiful post about respecting others as well as understanding that our unique vision is what makes us human and wonderful and that should always be honoured.
126. Love is Looking at Life in an Uncomplicated Way… (from The Unfair Struggle): For those outside the experience who ask “whose fault is it,” a post showing that infertility is a condition of the couple. A post about the strength of a marriage and a couple who stands together in the experience.
127. Seasons (from Indisputable Topcat): A very moving post from a wife to her husband who is battling cancer, who has battled so much else before this, and how much her heart needs a figurative spring to come again.
128. Dear Tammy (from Pixie’s Dust): A beautiful post about the Names in the Sand project. A woman tries to make sense of the losses she has experienced.
129. The Dreams Continue (from Heeeeere Storkey, Storkey!): The author recounts a nightmare which is more than just a dream; it is a reliving of a terrible hospital stay with her son. This is a post about the ways stress manifests itself inside the heart, mind, and body.
130. He Can Get it with a Scalpel to his Testicles (from Infertility Drama): After reaching the second trimester, the author discusses the concept of permanent birth control in the future after her mother-in-law suggests that they stop trying to have children after the birth.
131. Pineapples (from Ophelia’s Revival): An incredibly moving post that will send chills down both arms as you learn why the author can never eat pineapple again.
132. Grams and Pops (from All That She Wants): I don’t know why this post made me burst into tears, but the ending was so incredibly moving. A post about a family giving support in a quiet, concrete way.
133. What If (from I Want To Be A Mommy): The author stares a “what if” in the eyes and blinks. She recognizes that dealing with the fear is all part of the mourning process and that hope will return with the next cycle, but in the moment, all she can do is become lost in the thought.
134. Wearing Each Other’s Shoes — Sympathy vs. Empathy (from ISO the Golden Egg): Empathy, the author states, is trying on another person’s pain and the key to true empathy is being fearless. She muses on the origins of empathy and the examples of it that she has witnessed across the blogopshere.
135. The Best Part Of Being Married To A German (from Bee In The Bonnet): The author recounts a visit to an Oktoberfest celebration and tells a story that comes on the heels of a few too many beers. Though she has recently lost weight, she plays down this fact when speaking with another woman, insisting that she is still fat. The story becomes an analogy of whether infertility becomes part of our identity in the same way any formative experience can linger long after the fact.
136. Sad Day (from No Swimmers in the Tubes, no Bun in the Oven): The author takes home her twins from the funeral home and curls up in their room with the urn to mourn. A moving account of the aftermath of a loss.
137. Hello G-d (from Living Without Brenna): The author explains how deeply she has always trusted G-d and how betrayed she felt when she awoke after the birth and discovered her daughter was gone. Her child dying was never a thought she considered and when it occurred, it felt like all of the trust she had put into G-d during the pregnancy had been mishandled. The author comes to a place of peace, stating that while she may not be able to see the big picture now, that she needs to trust that everything has happened for a reason.
138. Raw Cookie Dough, Tortilla Chips & Queso Dip (from MeAndBaby’s Blog): The author, family building while single, wonders if she will ever have the child she wants and if she has made the best choice. A post written in the throes of frustration and sadness as part of the larger mourning process.
139. Dear John (from Tales from My Dusty Ovaries): The post that kicked off the most amusing meme in a long time–a long list of the common posts that crop up on infertility blogs. Count how many you’ve written yourself.
140. IF Is Like a Necklace (from In Search of Biscuit 2.0): The author comments on how infertility rears its head throughout her life–from the way she hears comments to the scheduling of work. A post about not being able to set infertility aside for a bit when it keeps returning to the space around her neck.
141. Journeymen (from The Echo of Infertility): Dissatisfied with the terms victim or survivor since they don’t quite fit, the author chooses the term journeyman, a traveler guided by hope. A post explaining the path she has walked.
142. Infertility Awareness Week (from Turkey In My Oven): With an image of penguins falling off an iceberg, the author explains how she has been able to mentally put infertility to the side for a bit.
143. Parenthetical Morning Musings Probably Best Left in My Head (from Lost in Taipei – Made in Taiwan): Though the author admits the musings were probably left best in her head, a period through prose poetry.
144. Anger (from My Scar Smiles at Me, I Don’t Always Smile Back): Though the post begins with an admittance that the author is jealous of those who can write about their anger, she comes into her own by the end paragraph, explaining just how hard it is to start family building when you come from a place of doubt rather than happiness.
145. A Sonnet (from Sluggish Butterfly): A gorgeous poem after a loss. The author states this was the only way to explain her grief and the reader must concur that she said it perfectly.
146. 9dp3dt – or, How I Survived Another Thanksgiving Without A Child (from Sprogblogger’s Weblog): A very clever satire drawing a line between the creation of a proper Thanksgiving dinner and a baby, with equally sad results for the waiting family members if neither come to fruition. A wonderful post that should become a Thanksgiving classic.
147. What It Was Like (from Twin Peas Blog and Podcast): Prematurity and infertility often go hand-in-hand and the author recounts the premature birth of her twin daughters for National Prematurity Awareness Month. A post that explains, as the title states, what it was like.
148. In Stirrups Once Again (from On the Road to Baby): The author explains the process of an IUI to the reader to distract herself on the first day of the two week wait.
149. Testing…Testing…1,2, 65 Million (from This is my Life…): A great post to read before your first trip to the RE. The author walks the reader through her first visit to the clinic where she was given the diagnosis of infertility.
150. The Unanswerable Question (from The Story of Me): The author asks if the pain of infertility ever fades–if yes, then when and if no, then why. She explains that even though she is now a mother to twins, she does not see herself as healed. A moving post about life after losing her husband and longing.
151. A Day in the Life of Male Infertility, aka Wakey Wakey Hands on Snakey (from The Great Big If): He had me with the subtitles. An informative AND funny post by The Great Big If’s husband describing the male side of fertility treatments.
152. I Know I Am Young (from Aurelia Ann): The author explains why the phrase “you’re still young” doesn’t bring her any comfort after three losses. A post about statistics and reality and the hope that defies both.
153. To Stress or Not To Stress (from The Therapist is In): A perfect way of explaining the stress of infertility to an outsider that asks the hidden question: how does one choose to not feel the stress of infertility?
154. Deathstar (from A Woman My Age): The author explains how she came to her blogging name, Deathstar. It is a moving story about a daughter becoming a caregiver and how the last two years of caring for her mother have affected her emotionally.
155. Why I’m Not Giving Up… Yet (from Rachel’s Scrambled Eggs): In a small series of thoughts, the author muses on what to do next in terms of family building. She describes seeing herself with a third child as “so clearly, it’s like I’m psychic, like I’m not seeing a fantasy, but the future.” A sweet post written on a day when she finally has a moment of quiet to think.
156. Father’s Day (from Henry Street): A wife writes about the pain her husband feels from his own childhood as well as the fact that he wants to be a father, tying in a tribute to Tim Russert and Father’s Day. By becoming a father himself, perhaps he could give his child what his father could never give him and his wife wants so badly to help him achieve that dream.
157. The Christmas Tree: A Story of Remembering and Looking Forward (from So these are the Days of my Life): The author describes her childhood Christmas tree as well as the one she created as an adult in her own home. Though her tree has a theme, she broke that theme to hang an ornament last year remembering the baby she lost. This year, she hung the ornament again along with one honouring the child born this year, Hailey. A post about remembering everyone through the tradition of the tree.
158. A Long December (from Common Misconception): December is the hardest month because, as the author says, a year closes regardless of your permission. A post about the baby she lost and the pain she still feels as she waits to become a parent.
159. What If You Knew You Would Never Be A Mom? (from In Due Time): The author’s mother asks her what she will do with her life if she never becomes a parent; why she isn’t planning for that possibility as strongly as she is planning on reaching parenthood one day. And the author’s answer is that it simply isn’t an option.
160. Equal Parents in an Unequal World (from Unwellness): The author addresses her own plea: “We have to be so, so careful not to raise yet another generation of children who see ‘dad’ as a secondary, unnecessary role.” A very thought-provoking post on how to break through the mindset that the parent at home is the expert.
161. Saved through the Fire (from Cherished): The author explains her belief that while she may pray for G-d to help her before the fire, she feels that G-d helps her inside the fire nonetheless.
162. Adoption, In All Its Glory May Not Be the Answer (from Normal Is Just a Setting on My Dryer): A raw, honest post explaining why adoption isn’t a good fit for the author. It is an interesting exploration of the lens we use to see the world.
163. Our First Ultrasound (from Praying for a Little One): A story about the best day of the author’s life when she heard her baby’s heartbeat for the first time. The post ends with thankfulness, not just for the child but for her greater appreciation of the miracle of life.
164. My Feet Keep Me Running, My Wings Make Me Fly (from Joelle In Real Life): As she rounds on the fourth mile of the race, the author seeks the internal drive to keep running and finds it in the memory of her lost child who she always thinks about as she runs.
165. First. Most. Everything. (from OrdinaryArt): The intensity of love between mother and child and back again will blow you away, make you sit with the post for a long time and consider the simple complexity of the emotion.
166. Photo Down Memory Lane (from Fertilized): The author posts a picture of herself that made her sad when she first saw it; a reminder of a time in her life when she was deeply unhappy. She reclaims this moment by adding to it a picture of the child she finally had years after the original photo was taken.
167. One More Reason to Talk about Vaginas (from Eye Heart Internet): The author explains how the trauma of treatments has kept her away from the stirrups as she deals with the emotional fallout from the experience and how it helped set them on the path to adoption which had always been part of the plan.
168. Dear Self… (from Riding the Roller Coaster): On the eve of her beta, the author writes a letter to herself to read tomorrow in case she receives bad news. It is not only a wonderful post to herself, but a great idea for others to try as well.
169. Neon (from One Small Wish): After a woman confides that her husband doesn’t want children yet, she returns three months later with news of the 17th week of her pregnancy. A post where you will cringe for the author as she hears the news at work and needs to hide in the bathroom to have a cry.
170. Moon after Moon (from Dancing with Gaia): A beautiful and sad image of the egg and sperm floating beside each other in her body, simply side by side, month after month after month.
171. The Long Appointment (from Creating Motherhood): A post from an early OB appointment also detailing the insurance program she used to cover her medical bills. A sweet post because it comes after a long wait to get to that OB appointment and also helpful for anyone else finding themselves without insurance.
172. Memories to Last a Lifetime (from When Hello Means Goodbye): A gorgeous letter to her lost child that will move you to tears as you read it and see the joy captured on the expectant parent’s faces until the final picture of saying goodbye.
173. Falling for Hope (from Good Egg Hunting): Observing the students returning to school and the smell of fall makes the author want to sharpen her #2 pencils. For fourteen years, fall represents a new beginning with the start of school and standing at the start of her first IVF cycle, it is impossible not to wish for the innocence she once felt worrying about her math teacher or if her friend was in her class.
174. IVF is Not for Sissies (from Tales of the Phoenix): The author explains the other side to IVF, giving reasons why it isn’t the best choice for everyone wishing to reach parenthood. A reminder that just because a choice is there doesn’t mean a person needs to take it.
175. All About Genes (from It’s Either Sadness or Euphoria): Rather than brush her feelings to the side, the author addresses the loss she feels in not passing along her gametes while at the same time making plans to ensure that her child feels connected to family. A post that will make you think for a long time.
176. Anonymous Ignoramous (from My Journey to Mommyhood): An open note to the anonymous commenter who passed judgment after her miscarriage. The author explains her choices and reminds the reader that her blog is her space. And those who live in glass houses should never throw stones.
177. The Wise Ones (from Hot Mama Bear’s Premature Delivery- When the Water Breaks): In a beautiful post, the author reflects on two losses–the loss of her mother and the loss of her baby–and how both experiences are questions that hold no answers as well as events that make it impossible to return to who you were before the loss.
178. What a Day (from Our Journey to Adopt Grace): You will not be able to get through this post without crying: a family finally comes together after a three year wait. As the mother states, the last five minutes before you hold your baby are the hardest. A celebration of love.
179. Don’t Worry… You’ve Got PLENTY of Time! (from And This is Our Life…): Rather than asking for a child, the author asks G-d to remove her desire to have children; to feel pain over seeing a child and finding herself childless. She explains the need for their break and seeks comfort in taking back control of her life.
180. It’s Mine, It Is All Mine (from Wonderful Thing): Though the post starts out in an Anneish, happy place, it comes back to the heart of the matter which is a woman who wants a child and fears another loss. A sweet, sad, silly post where the author shines through her words.
181. Peace, Baby (from Infertile Ground): The author writes of her loss: “our bean’s heart had just recently stopped. Amazingly, my heart is still beating. Even broken it finds a way to keep me going.” A moving post about the peace she found even as the world fell apart.
182. If My Infertility Can’t Kill Me Emotionally, It Will Kill Me Physically (from This Cross I Embrace): A cringe-worthy post detailing a botched insertion of a mid-line catheter–the physical side to infertility.
183. I Survived….. (from Are We There Yet): After a long stretch of not holding babies for fear of breaking down emotionally, the author holds a baby and discovers wells of internal strength she didn’t even know that she had.
184. Saying No to Stress (from Birds and Squirrels): The conversations that can go horrible awry when good-intentioned in-laws collide with fertility treatment information. The author gets out of cooking a spontaneous Thanksgiving dinner and instead tells a story of a conversation with her in-laws when they tried to understand follicle scans.
185. I Think I’m Pregnant….But I Know I’m Not (from Little Pieces of My Life): The author explains why she thinks she’s pregnant but how she knows she’s not–essentially an ode to the body that makes us believe one thing while the heart believes another.
186. The Refining Fire (from A Fifth Season): In a gorgeous poem comparing her daughter’s death to a refining fire, the author explains how the event has burned away the debris and left a clearing with space for knowledge to grow.
187. I Wish I Were Alone (from Child of G-d): A beautiful list of how she wishes she were the only one dealing with the emotional affects of infertility, but it is precisely the fact that she is not the only one that also brings her comfort.
188. The Road Not Taken (from Firefly Dreams): The author writes of her trust in her faith and how she ultimately believes that one day she will conceive without assistance.
189. Becoming a Single Mother by Choice (from SMC Down Under): After seeing the world with two choices, the author’s view opens up as she realizes there are more ways to create a family. She takes the first brave steps to becoming a single mother by choice.
190. One Year Ago… (from Faith, Hope & Poop): A moving post written on the one year anniversary of the day the author received the call that would change their lives forever. They matched with an expectant mother and adopted a son soon after. A reflection on where she was one year earlier.
191. Dear Me… (from Find Joy in Every Journey): Inspired by a song she heard on the radio, the author writes a note to herself on her wedding day, giving herself insight into the years ahead.
192. Cheers to you! (Hic) (from IVF on the Down Low): Kicking 2008’s ass out the door and raising a glass to 2009 despite the fact that stormy weather is on the horizon.
193. I Think Someone Needs to be Hit with the Sensitivity Stick (from …Into the Womb): An example of what not to say or do; the author recounts a conversation (with requisite baby holding) with friends who give her advice on relaxing during fertility treatments.
194. To My Dear Friend on the Day After Her Wedding (from One Good Egg): I cried hard reading this post. It is an incredibly well-written letter-never-sent to a best friend the day after her wedding. It is all the things the author wishes for her, and, in turn, also all of the things she hopes she never has to experience.
195. A Very Interesting Heart… (from Three of a Kind Working on a Full House…): A gorgeous post about reading her daughter’s autopsy report. Upon learning that the doctor wrote that Molly had a “very interesting heart,” the author explains this need to learn everything she possibly can about the daughter she will not get to watch grow up.
196. Happy Tummy Moment (from There’s Hope): A sign at a restaurant reminds the author of the happiness she felt after seeing the double pink lines.
197. 2008: The Year I Let Love Win (from An Accident of Hope): A beautiful post about reclaiming sanity and happiness, reflecting on the choices before her. After letting emotions run their course, the author explains how they need to make their choices out of love rather than a will to conquer infertility.
198. What I Wish I Had Known (from Patiently Waiting): A fantastic post of advice the author wished she had received about infertility; written to a friend still back in the trenches while her heart was hurting.
199. For Your Entertainment… (from I Am The Genetic Mule): A very funny post about people who have been struggling for so long with something other than infertility…
200. Support (from Bio Girl): Gratitude not about infertile, but about the support they have to help them through the crisis. From family and friends to sites such as Cyclesistas–the author explains how knowing people have your back is just as important in knowing how to give yourself an injection.
201. The Bond (from I Won’t Fear Love): A beautiful and moving post about a bond between brother and sister–one above ground and one buried below–and how a child processes loss in her own unique way.
202. Ok (from Elm City Dad): On a blog written by a couple, the words of Elmcitymom, explaining that even if she looks fine, beneath the surface, she is anything but okay. And, as she explicitly states, that’s okay.
203. Dear Judaism, I Am Here (from Journeywoman): A gorgeous post about the deeply honest letter the author is planning to send to shuls she is considering joining. Most importantly, it raises some very real issues that every clergyperson should read in order to create a more inclusive community that retains members.
204. He Maketh Me to Lie Down in Green Pastures (from Restoreth My Soul): With the start of the blog, the author muses on the space she thought she would create and wonders about the space she will create.
205. September 2008 (from The Real Bean): One of the most heartbreaking stories you’ll ever read; the author gives birth at 20 weeks to three perfect sons who live briefly and are deeply loved.
206. One Year Later… (from A Sibling for Celia): On the one year anniversary of her transfer, the author muses on the path taken and the son now asleep beside her. The most moving line of the post is a statement that many will understand: “How something so awful can bring such joy in the end, I’ll never fully comprehend.”
207. Apology (from Infertile. Who, Me?): A beautiful letter to her body which serves as a reminder to herself that she is so much more than her infertility.
208. Bellies (from Beatitude of the Mundane): The author, an adoptee, describes how she views family building and observing her friend’s first moments as a parent.
209. But Even If He Does Not (from Becoming A Different Person): A post about finding faith; about praying not for the positive but the ability to handle the negative.
210. Cycle 3, How I Love Thee… (from Making Me Mom): An ode to the author’s self back at the 3rd cycle of TTC, when she felt hopeful and excited. It is a post about the ways we change and the coping techniques we pick up along the journey.
211. I Have a Secret (from A Maybe Story): A heartbreaking post that begins with a secret–the author’s hatred for another person–and then works backwards through the story. It is a post about self-forgiveness and our secret fears.
212. Universal Ache (from Elm City Dad): On a blog written by a couple, the words of Elmcitydad, explaining how he is not angry at G-d in the face of his son’s death. You will cry with the final thought about how sad he is that his son is not here and how he believes G-d is too.
213. Our Real Life (from A Real Life): An ode to real life, with all of its messiness and disappointment and grief. As the author flips through Christmas cards with her husband, they come to the same conclusion that they would much rather have the life they live than to present their life as anything other than the full truth.
214. Giving Thanks (from Fertile Fantasy): A list of thankgiving–for her health and husband and the twins that have finally begun to kick.
215. Trying….. (from Our Journey of Love, Patience, & Perseverance): On a cycle which may be her last for a bit, the author reflects on how life has changed–from a fear of needles to waiting anxiously for injectables to begin. Written at the beginning of the cycle, she talks about the emotions that start her off down this path.
216. Message to My Baby (from Lifeslurper): A beautiful post written to her not-yet baby explaining how much they already wish he or she were here.
217. Emotional Download (from The Olsons): The author tries to process the deep emotional pain that comes after a loss. A wonderful post about taking everything out of your heart and laying it out on the screen.
218. This is What I Want Lil M to Know (from To China and Back…and Beyond): A fantastic post telling her daughter all of the wishes she has for her including “I celebrate who you are. I want you to celebrate who you are.”
219. Anguish & Grief (from Child Free after Infertility): A post that reminds that having great grief over infertility does not mean that you do not also have great faith. Drawing from the story of Hannah, the author explains how her brokenness makes her feel closer to G-d.
220. Two Months Down (from What Wuz I Saying?): An adoptive mother-to-be wonders about what the expectant mum is feeling over on the other side of the world as she is halfway through her pregnancy.
221. Insights From the Mat (from Inside the Parsonage): The author discusses a passage from the Bible that has informed the way she views faith and the gratitude she feels helping others as well as being helped herself.
222. The Last One (from Adventures of Jen & Tiff): A doctor admits that the author is the last one in a group of women who he has been treating that has not been able to become pregnant, and she sits with those words, wondering why things have turned out this way for her.

Blogs that Closed in 2008**

We’re so sorry to see these blogs missing from the Blogosphere. Every piece of writing changes a person’s perspective of their own journey. The world was changed by their words.