Posts from — April 2010

On Wednesday, we went to the Crayola Factory even though it really wasn’t on our way home.  We had a whole other trip planned to use up spring break and that got changed so Plan B was to choose something fun between New York and DC, hence how a trip to Crayola was spontaneously proposed and executed without actually looking online to see what a trip to Crayola entailed.  We like our vacations to have as much room for mishaps as possible.

When we set out for the factory (which is really more like a hands-on museum; by which I mean that it’s more like someone has given you free license to use a plethora of Crayola products and they will clean up the ensuing mess of crayon marks and scrap paper), it was grey and drizzly and it matched my mood.  I was all grey and drizzly and cried for a small part of the ride and then sniffled through a large chunk of the ride.  I was manatee.   But not the good manatee.  I was all the negative traits of manatee (just to be clear).

But something happens to you when you go into the Crayola factory, especially if you are a synesthete (which probably explains how I remember so much), in that my entire mood changed surrounded by so many great colours.  We watched crayons being made and drew pictures of princesses with melted wax and made strangely shaped hearts out of paper.  And then we headed to the Crayola store where I was confronted with this wall upon entrance and fell so deeply in love that I could have married the lobby.

By the time we left the store, the grey, drizzly morning had turned into a sunny, warm afternoon and I had this huge weight off my heart.  I was jazzberry jam.  The energetic version.  When we got in the car, all I could think was how my experience has been that taking the long way has always paid off with something so much better than I had imagined before I set out on the path.  I’m glad we took the long way yesterday in more ways than one.

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The Weekly What If: what if Crayola called you and told you that it was going to let you rename one of its current crayons.  (1) Which colour would you choose (state the old name) and (2) what would you name it, taking special care to choose something or someone meaningful to you.

I would take neon carrot and rename it ChickieVog after the twins.

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The new IComLeavWe list has opened for the month of April.

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And now, the blogs…

Waiting for Sunflower has a post about parenting after a long wait.  They are physically ready with all the baby accoutrement, but are they emotionally ready after eight years of building expectations?  I love this post because she balances her husband’s expectations with her own.  It is a beautiful, reflective, insightful little post.

Baby on Mind has a post about the emotions surrounding her canceled cycle.  She asks: “How does one grieve over the loss of a canceled IVF transfer?  I’ve grieved my BFN from my first IVF.   But how do you grieve the loss of embryos that stopped growing?”  It’s not a question with a clear answer, but I think in reading it, you may feel less alone with your own grief.

I Never Thought it Made Sense Anyway has a post about feeling unsettled on her one-year IVF anniversary.  She writes, “I am on edge and feeling burnt out.  I’m a lunatic with unfinished projects.  On occasion, I’ll just completely lose it with M because something wasn’t done the way I wanted.  I want to control everything and nothing.”  The feelings in the post are both familiar and unique at the same time.

I love this post from Adventures in Baby Waiting.  She has an amazing second mother.

Lastly, Semi-Fertile has a post about how the calendar is like walking through an anniversary minefield.  She explains, “Every time I start to heal emotionally from a miscarriage, I end up pregnant and going through it all all over again. Like fucking groundhog day. And now the calendar destroys me, because every month is something – a would be birthday. A loss anniversary. A pregnancy anniversary. Mother’s Day. Father’s Day. A veritable minefield.”  It’s a heartbreaking post, but it’s also an incredibly moving post.

The roundup to the Roundup: taking the long way can be a good thing.  Answer the Weekly What If.  New IComLeavWe list.  And great blog posts to read.

Worst-tricks-to-play-on-an-Infertile-person list:

• Announcing a pregnancy as a joke: want to know something hysterically not-funny? Having to suck it up and pretend to be excited for a friend who claims she is pregnant and then find out after you’ve swallowed all your sadness and frustration (because while she is knocked up, you just had another negative cycle) and gotten yourself to a place where you are honestly happy for her, that it’s just a joke. Because fake pregnancies are funny!
• All your embryos arrested: having your nurse call to tell you that all of your embryos arrested overnight and your transfer has been canceled only to change her tune after your heart has dropped into your stomach by shouting, “April Fools! You have six beautiful blasts!”
• This cycle is on the house: telling a patient that the $12,000 IVF cycle with ICSI is being comped by the clinic only to tell her (after the huge sigh of relief) that you’re just kidding–the financial department would like you to cough up the cash by your next appointment.

What else would break your heart today?

(additionally, check out the penis and vagina fertility festival on my BlogHer post today.  “Some 40 grown men strain under the weight of a massive vagina while carrying it to the shrine in the main parade. They’re followed by two smaller vagina litters.” No joke).