382nd Friday Blog Roundup
I read about this movement to create tiny honour-system libraries on people’s front lawns. Nothing more to say about it except that I am seriously considering creating one.
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Babble rounded up a list of the top 50 ugliest names according to Twitter. By which I mean, the people who utilize Twitter. I clicked over to see if my name was on the list, and then immediately asked myself why the hell I would care. Why would it even be interesting as to what you think is an ugly name (that would be the collective, disembodied “you”)? Even if you thought that my name was the ugliest name in the world, there isn’t anything I’m going to do about it. If the twins names had been on the list, they still would have been their names. And if the name we’ve already chosen for a third child was on the list, I would have still used it.
The opinions of people I know carry some weight, but that disembodied “you” of the Internet? That you’s opinion doesn’t mean a lot to me.
But still, I saw a few friend’s names on that list, and part of me felt like I should write them a note today. Let them know I do like their name.
Rather than tell you the names I don’t like — because how shitty would you feel if I said your name — I’m going to tell you the names I do like that we can never use. This is actually a helpful practice because you may hear a name that you (1) didn’t know prior to this point or (2) hadn’t considered.
I like talking about things I like.
So names I like the sound of: Prudence, Jesse, Ramona, Tabitha, Jakob, and Henry (Josh nixed this one by saying in the most incredulous voice, “Henry Ford? Henry Ford, Melissa?”).
What names do you like the sound of, even if you’d never use them?
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There was a winner for the mishloach manot giveaway. Random number generator spat out #162: Kristin! So sugary love is on its way to you.
And thank you to everyone who participated and spread love across the Internet this week in the form of comments. So much more fun than your usual giveaway.
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And now the blogs…
But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week as well as the week before. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:
- “Adoptees Place in Both Families” (Insert Bad Movie Title Here)
- “Flattened” (Too Many Fish to Fry)
- “How to Help a Friend” (Eggs in a Row)
- “Left Behind” (Where Love and Chaos Reigns)
- “There Goes My Baby” (Mrs. Spit… Still Spouting Off)
- “Meaning” (Mommy Odyssey)
- “More on the Adoption Tax Credit” (From IF to When)
- “To Be Alive” (She Laughs at the Days)
Okay, now my choices this week.
Miss Conception has a post about marking her twins’ birthday. She sets up candles and flowers that they can look at in remembrance, she makes gifts in their name to several organizations dealing with infertility and loss. She writes, “I haven’t done much crying today yet, but I’m sure there are a few tears yet to come. I feel so much love in my heart for those little spirits. I have been smiling as I think of them and have given myself permission to open their nursery door and go inside. Maybe I’ll sit in the glider-chair with their bears before bed and talk to them for a few minutes.” It is a post not about loss but about being in love.
The Elusive Second Line has a post about a recurring dream she has about the same little boy. He changes in age, his features transform, but he is always her little boy. For a while, the dreams stopped and she missed him, but then suddenly they came back. These dreams which bring her such happiness when they occur are also the thing that is stopping her from being able to move forward with adoption, planting a “what if” in her brain: “Maybe this is why I’ve never completely embraced the idea of adoption. I want to embrace it. I want to go into it head first and never look back. It seems like it would take away a lot of stress from my life because in the end (even though it is not an easy path) there is a baby in my arms. With the current situation I can’t necessarily say the same. But if we do adopt we will adopt trans-racial. That is something I want to do. But then…it won’t be him.”
Fearlessly Infertile has a very honest post about contemplating stopping family building. When weighed against all they are giving up in order to become parents as well as the peace they’ve felt during this time period where little is happening in terms of forward motion, she has realized that the desire to become parents has become a want more than a need. I just love the openness of this post, especially her final thought: “Brandon and I have no doubt in our hearts that we would make good parents. We would love our child unconditionally. But sometimes because we question the process (especially the cost of the process) we feel like we don’t deserve that opportunity.”
Lastly, Three is a Magic Number has a post about compassion fatigue. She defines it: “It’s a common phenomenon amongst those whose professions surround trauma, like social workers and first responders and the like. You can’t deal with that kind of shit without getting some of it on you. That’s called secondary trauma. You might assume that secondary means that this brand of trauma is of a lesser degree, but that’s not what it means. It’s just as disintegrating and damaging and demoralizing. It just didn’t happen directly to you.” This post is brilliant because she deconstructs the difference between therapist and blog reader, namely, the walls we build vs. the walls we deliberately dissolve. I really feel this is one of those posts that everyone needs to drop what they’re doing and run over to read. Immediately.
The roundup to the Roundup: Tiny libraries are so cool. What are your favourite names? And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between February 24th and March 2nd) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.
20 comments
My name is on the list. It’s a weird feeling to know that my name is so disliked. It makes me feel protective of it. Like I want to hug my name and tell it that I still like it.
I LOVE the idea of Tiny Libraries!!! I’m wondering if I could start one. My name isn’t on the list (my name is not on any list good or bad). Names I like but we’d never use: Nora, Anna (with our last name, she’d sound like a German bar maid), David, William, Caroline, Charlotte, Laura. I love names. I pored over baby name books as a child when I wrote stories.
Well…I have to agree on La-a. That’s just obnoxious, and I would not be shy about saying so to anyone who did that to their child. Really? You couldn’t spell out those 4 extra letters?
My link for the week is not a blog post, but it’s wonderful just the same. It also has to do with libraries.
I saw the list of ugly names yesterday. I found the comments to be more entertaining than the “story”.
I found this post by Hattie really poignant:
http://betweenthepapersheets.blogspot.com/2012/03/march-2.html
In it, she describes how she was born on her mother’s 30th birthday, and her dream was always to have a daughter on her 30th birthday. Then the dream changed to her 31st birthday. Instead, her SIL gave birth today, on Hattie’s birthday.
And I enjoyed this post by Alex at First Time Twins:
http://firsttimetwins.blogspot.com/2012/02/narrowing-down-longing.html
She put into words some things that I often think, but wasn’t sure how to articulate.
I live in Madison where they have the Tiny Libraries! While I haven’t used them myself, I have friends with kids who love to check them for books. One friend said her husband loves to put books in and see when they get taken. It makes it feel like there is a community of book lovers who want to share with others!
I had to laugh when I saw La-a. A co-worker’s sister taught a kid with that name and I’ve just been aghast with it ever since.
But names I love, but will probably never get to use because hubby doesn’t agree with them are: Prudence, Piper, Mason, Julien (I don’t like the way J’s sound in Finnish when it is an Amer/Eng name: y-ulien) and Lydia (that’s my car’s name, doh!).
I pick names based on how they would sound on my child’s bar/bat mitzvah invitation. For instance, I love the name Sterling, but can you really say “Mazel tov, Sterling!?” NO. I also love the name Francesca, but…not for a Jewish kid. That’s why I like names like Miriam, Natan, and Dina. All sound great with our last name. 🙂
In my parents’ village the honour library is in the traditional British red telephone box which no longer has a phone.
I bookmarked these two posts for this weeks roundup.
Living Our Life In Cycles had a wonderful post about coming out about their infertility on her pubic blog and the feelings that came with the release of coming out.
http://livingourlifeincycles.blogspot.com/2012/03/i-came-out-on-my-public-blog.html#comment-form
Also, Ike over at Bloggers For Hope posted a wonderful post about the elusive male point of view when it comes to male factor infertility. It hit a particular nerve with me because hubby and I are about to see our urologist for the first time at the end of the month and it covered many of our fears and thoughts.
http://www.bloggersforhope.com/2012/02/whos-your-daddy.html
I loved Mrs. Spit’s post today, “Be Very, Very Nice”: http://mrsspit.ca/?p=3307. It’s wry and wonderfully descriptive and gets at some of the unexpected ways that being kind (or not) can come back to you.
Names I love that would never get past N – Robin, Talisker (yes, it’s a whiskey, but doesn’t it sound lively? And Tal for a nickname?), Neva, & Juniper.
I love the idea of free libraries, and of the kind of love of books that spurred the movement. I’m glad they’re cropping up. But it does make me a little sad sometimes that people think that libraries are only about the collections of books. Services like readers’ advisory, help with locating information or job hunting, or using computers, research assistance, tutoring, & story-times are a big part of what libraries do, too. Not to mention online collections and spaces where communities can gather!
I love Henry too! But my husband also has totally nixed it. I also love Oliver and Sebastian, but I wouldn’t use them.
Names I love that Hubby vetoed: Henry, Max, Ruth, Miriam (apparently I like old-fashioned names, according to him).
Names I love but sound terrible with our last name: Gray and Graham
I spent a full month planning to use Henry. Then I found out that Harry is a nickname for Henry. Our family name is Johnson.
I’ve always liked Celeste and Bailey. But one is a pizza and one is an Irish cream.
Such a powerful post from anabegins.
http://ana-begins.blogspot.com/2012/03/reminder.html
I forgot… I also like the name Rhys. Which is (a) too hard for most people and (b) a peanut butter cup.
What about Harrison? Harrison Ford? 😉
I loved this post from Bloodsigns called “A Fold in the Universe”, about the confluence of grief for her brother-in-law, and how that has opened spaces for her instead of closing them. It’s about coincidences and healing words from a most unlikely source. http://bloodsigns.wordpress.com/2012/02/28/a-fold-in-the-universe/#entry
I’ve always loved the name Rose, but it rhymes with our last name, so it sounds ridiculous. There are also some nice names that have been totally spoiled because I associate them forever with a kid who I couldn’t stand. I like Claire, and Hannah, but I couldn’t use them now. Also, I would have loved to name my daughter after my Grandmother, but it is also my MILs name…NEVER going to happen. *shudder* .
I love the little libraries. My mom has a collection of children’s books that puts our small town library’s to shame. I love being able to access her ‘library’ whenever my kids need to read a certain book for class, or if I want a book on a certain theme or subject.
I was really touched by Chanel’s post about having a secret stash of clothes to wear when pregnant. http://justwaiting4myturn.blogspot.com/2012/02/my-secret-stash.html
Mo’s post about realizing that she needed to ask for help touched me very deeply: http://mommyodyssey.wordpress.com/2012/02/29/what-nadav-taught-me-ask-and-you-shall-recieve/
Also, Missy’s post about her (hopefully final) two-week wait as the due date of the expectant mom she’s been matched with draws near: http://myscarletbaby.blogspot.com/2012/02/counting-in-weeks.html