Posts from — April 2012

Washington is a panda-obsessed city.  We have two of them at the National Zoo — Mei Xiang and Tian Tian — and they have a large and frequently-trafficked habitat.  The twins and I always stop by to visit them while we’re at the zoo (though, admittedly, we spend the bulk of our time with the tree shrew in the small mammal house.  You have never seen a child love a tree shrew so intensely until you have spent time with the ChickieNob and her small mammal friend), and we have many photographs of panda bear bums since they are frequently sleeping with their faces turned away from the masses.

The Washington Post announced today that they may replace Mei Xiang because she and her mate, Tian Tian, have only produced one child, Tai Shan (who was born when the twins were one).  It’s a case of secondary infertility, meaning in this case, an inability to get pregnant after prior success with fertility treatments the first time around.  Tai Shan was an IUI-baby.  Since his birth, she had five prior failed inseminations, and they are currently waiting to see if this last one took.  It was performed Sunday when the two pandas were unable to have sex.

I read the news this morning and it made me feel strangely sad; disproportionally sad, maybe because I anthropomorphized them and identified so clearly with their plight.  I am an infertile woman who was successful with treatments the first time around.  And I am an infertile woman who has not been able to get pregnant again since.  I couldn’t help but believe that I knew what Mei Xiang was feeling; two girls unable to get to implantation.  And beyond that, I took on the message that was being inadvertently given by the researchers who want another cub: that Mei Xiang is worthless if she can’t reproduce.  She is replaceable in the largest sense of the word.  They are considering sending her back to China and getting a new panda for the zoo.

The comments are exactly what you’d imagine for a story like this: suggestions of Barry White and wine and soft lights and porn.  Maybe I can’t take a joke; or maybe their situation hits a little too close to home for me; makes me wonder how the rest of the world views me as a woman since I too am unable to reproduce.  I too am of little worth?  As one commenter states, “Critters that don’t want to get freaky and make babies don’t deserve to survive. No matter how cute they are.”  And it called forth all the times someone has cruelly pointed out that maybe there’s a reason I can’t reproduce; maybe it’s nature’s way of saying I shouldn’t produce offspring.

National Zoo, save Mei Xiang.  Please.  I know that “Scientists there have been deeply disappointed because they have focused intense research on panda reproduction.”  And if that is the case, I know that Mei Xiang is not fulfilling your need.  But on behalf of all the women in Washington experiencing secondary infertility, whether it comes after a successful round of prior treatments or after an easily conceived first child(ren), I implore you to consider the message you are sending to the public in the name of research.

We are not as obvious as primary infertility or living child-free.  We are, in fact, quite invisible, blending with the other mothers in the car pick-up lane at school.  Unless you know our personal story, you would never guess that we are unable to reproduce without assistance.  But we are just as infertile as women without children.  Infertility is a condition that isn’t cured with children; the disease remains whether you are family building or not.  All infertility is devastating, even if that woman has a prior child to hold.

And sometimes it makes us hear a completely innocent story about a panda at the zoo and identify deeply.

Photo Credit: Marit and Toomas Hinnosaar via Flickr

I used to teach a women’s studies class to middle schoolers at a progressive school. We had an ongoing project called Powerful, Positive Women where the girls researched and presented a woman each day to the rest of the class. Sometimes these were well-known women such as Hillary Clinton and sometimes they were neighbours or aunts or grandmothers who had impressed the girls for one reason or another. That was the beauty of the project – it taught the girls that all women are powerful and have the potential to make positive change in the world.

On Friday, I attended part of the 18th Annual National Issues Conference held by the Democratic National Committee’s Women’s Leadership Forum (hence why the Roundup was so late.  I was totally sidetracked in the morning before I left by the nonuplets). I was there to cover the President’s remarks at the end of the day but arrived early in order to hear some of the speakers. It was the best example of the personal becoming political, with each speaker drawing from their life in order to explain why this upcoming election matters.

The focus was women’s issues and the speakers primarily women prior to the President taking the stage. The topics ranged from health care to economics to education, with each topic building on the next. At our most basic level is the body and our need to keep it healthy. Adding to that is economics, our work, and our usage of said body to contribute to society. And lastly, the mind is necessary to nurture if we want to keep making great strides in STEM fields.

I found myself wishing that the ChickieNob was there, not that she would have understood the issues at seven years old (and more likely than not, she would have zombie walked), but to have felt the energy of the space. The room was filled with emotion because politics touch on emotional issues: our ability to take care of ourselves and our communities. The world we wish to leave for future generations. It was impossible to hear all of those powerful, positive women speak and not be moved to tears as Lilly Ledbetter discussed the role her personal work experience played in moving towards equal pay for all women. Or when Debbie Wasserman-Schultz vowed that when it comes to women, no one will outwork us.

With sponsorship from the Democratic National Committee as well as the group Women for Obama, there was an obvious partisan lens through which the view point was filtered, but that doesn’t negate the strides the Obama Administration has made on behalf of women.  The Affordable Care Act has brought health care services to 45 million women.  He signed into law the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Restoration Act ensuring women receive equal pay for equal work.  He has forced employers to create space and time in the workplace for expressing breast milk for breastfeeding mothers.  And he didn’t just recognize women as part of a campaign slogan — he appointed eight women to cabinet-rank positions, appointed a woman to be third in command of the country, and nominated two women to the Supreme Court (a branch of government which has only had four women total in its 220 year history).

All of that was on my mind as Senator Barbara Mikulski took to the stage to introduce the President.

It is fitting that Senator Mikulski preceded the President before he spoke about women’s issues because she is not only the longest serving female member of Congress, but she is the first woman elected to the Senate (others served before her, but they succeeded a male family member such as a husband).  In her first of many rallying cries, she told the crowd,

I didn’t want to be the first… I wanted to be the first of many!

She explained that women who want to run for office need a “MOM”: money, organization, and message.  And she empowered the women in the audience to get involved, using the story of the Lilly Ledbetter vote to rile up the crowd.  Back then, when it looked as though the bill wouldn’t pass and women would once again be paid unequally for the same jobs performed by men, she drew from the strength of her fellow female Senate members and told her supporters,

This is an Abigail Adam’s moment.  We’re going to start our own revolution.  And I said, “Women of America, suit up!  Square your shoulders!  Put your lipstick on!  The fight has begun!”

What was true then is obviously still true now as she continued to speak about the idea of caring for women; of showing women and children that their country — not just their families — love them.  In a moving twist on the popular put-down, ObamaCare, for the President’s health care plan, Mikulski admits that she likes the term.

I love the word Obamacare because our President does care.

Soon after, the President took to the stage not to look back at his accomplishments so far, but instead to discuss what still needs to be done.  In fact, his only reference to his accomplishments was to point out that the fact that his first law passed directly applies to women, serving as proof of his commitment to women in America.

And as long as I’m President, we are going to keep moving forward.  You can count on that.  You don’t have to take my word on it – you’ve got my signature on it.  Because something like standing up for the principle of equal pay for equal work isn’t something I’m going to have to “get back to you on” – it’s the first law I signed.

He pointed out that though we are sometimes discussed as such, women are not an interest group.

Women are not an interest group.  Women shouldn’t be treated that way.  Women are half this country and half of its work force.  You’re 80% of my household if you count my mother-in-law… and I always count my mother-in-law.

And in saying this, pointed out how there are no such things as “women’s issues” because what affects women affects many other people.  If we don’t earn enough money, we’re not spending it in stores, and therefore, equal pay is an economic issue, especially for businesses.  If we have discrepancies in health care coverage, it affects the people who depend on us, becoming a family issue.

His understanding of the bandwidth of women comes directly from observing his wife, the First Lady, as they tried to balance raising their daughters with two careers.

Once Michelle and I had our girls, we gave it our all to balance raising a family and chasing a dream.  And it was tough on me, but let’s face it, it was tougher on her.  I was gone a lot.  I know that when she was with the girls, she would feel guilty that she was giving enough time to work.  When she was at work, she’d feel guilty about not having enough time for the girls.

After the speech, I rode down the Convention Center escalator with some of the several hundred women who attended the conference.  One mused that her take away from this day was that nothing has changed from who Obama was in 2008 to who he is today.  “He hasn’t changed one bit.  He still has that lovely energy,” she commented before we parted ways.

But my takeaway from the conference was that women’s issues are important because they affect the very fabric of our society.  That America will come apart if we ignore the needs of 50% of the population.  But more important than that, every single woman has the ability to make a difference.  Every single one of us has a vote, and we need to use it to support the candidate that best represents our vision for America.  And more than that, we are all powerful, positive women, and we all have a unique voice to add to the whole.

In the words of Senator Mikulski,

How will you get involved in this upcoming election?

Cross-posted with BlogHer

Welcome to MFA Sunday School, a once-a-week, free, online writing workshop. MFA Sunday School posts are uploaded on Sunday mornings, though you can read them or participate any time — the comment section is always open for people to post a link to their work or ask a question. You can subscribe to blog posts via the RSS feed, or look for them under the category heading “MFA Sunday School.” If this is your first time in “class,” you may want to jump back to the first post in the series in order to understand how things work.

Last week, you practiced writing by examining the fine details of your project and your writing motivation — which are the sort of things you need to always be considering within storytelling in general.  In that sense, you were the character in the story last week, and in order to complete the project, you needed to figure out a few things: namely, what and why in that six question scope (who, why, what, where, when and how).

One of the best pieces of advice that I got in my undergraduate writing program is to know what your character had for breakfast.  My professor would kick off the conversation about our story by asking a question of that ilk: what did Rachel have for breakfast.  And you were expected to answer without needing to think about it too deeply.  In the case of my character, Rachel Goldman, I can tell you that she eats yogurt most of the time, but she eats late in the morning — after she has been up for a few hours — and on occasion, she grabs a bagel or muffin.  So no French toast or scrambled eggs or even frozen waffles.  She doesn’t even eat cold, leftover pizza from the refrigerator.

Why is this important to know?  Because the reader subconsciously picks up on small clues (just as we do with the people we encounter in the face-to-face world) as they try to discern what sort of person Rachel Goldman is and predict how she’ll react in various situations (and try to figure out what will happen next in the story).  What do we know about Rachel from this?  Well, she works at home and has the time, but she doesn’t make a hearty meal for herself.  She doesn’t wake up and eat but chooses to do other things before she gets around to putting food in her body.  She goes for things that are simple and quick.  See, we just learned all sorts of things about Rachel just based on the way she consumes breakfast.  You’d understand her to be a completely different person if she woke up and set the table and ate scrambled eggs and bacon.  And a different person still if she ate an egg-white omelette with a few cantaloupe slices on the side.  Or if she didn’t eat breakfast at all.

But forget about you — as the writer, I need to know Rachel that well.  If I can’t even tell you with authority what she ate for breakfast, how can I expect to know what sort of decision she’d make when faced with something high stakes, something the entire plot hinges on? You need to know your characters inside and out, left and right, back and forth.  You need to be able to open their closet doors and know what you’ll see hanging from the racks.  You need to know what their locker looks like at school.  Even if you never use these small details outright, they will seep into the story in other ways.  Jimmy has a nasty locker filled with old, rotting bag lunches and last week’s homework that was never turned in crumpled under his coat?  That says a lot about Jimmy as a person and unless he’s going to grow a lot as a person and change drastically (and maybe that’s the story), he’s not the best person to throw into the role of class president or head of the environmental club (not with those bag lunches!).

We’ll talk more about character motivation in the future, but considering how your character approaches small daily tasks or their relationships with common people is a good place to start when talking about character development.  Your homework this week is to create seven character sketches.  Again, this hopefully isn’t busy work and you’ll be able to cannibalize from this exercise in the future as you start a story and realize that you’ve already created the perfect character to fit a part.

Homework: What I’d like you to do is create seven distinct characters — one for each day of the week until we meet again.  The more you can write about each character, the better.  You need to love your characters (even the ones that are traditionally unlikeable such as Voldemort) or we — the readers — won’t love your characters.  And you need us to love your characters so we’ll stay with the story.  The best way to show that love is to write effusively about them, examining them in the way a preteen examines Justin Beiber’s every move.

For every character, I’d like you to know the following facts:

• Name
• Age
• Physical traits (height, weight, hair and eye colour, scars, distinguishing characteristics)
• Basic familial relationships (are they married, have children, no siblings, two mothers?)

And then, specifically, one for each day of the week, I’d like to additionally know this next fact:

• Sunday: what did he/she eat for breakfast today?  Is this usual?  Unusual?  And why?
• Monday: what sort of relationship does he/she have with his/her parents?  Are they still alive?  Does he/she see his/her parents?  Why or why not?
• Tuesday: what is your character wearing at this exact moment?  Are these his/her normal clothes or are they wearing something for a special occasion?
• Wednesday: if your character is old enough to vote, how is she/he voting in the next election?  If your character is too young to vote, how closely do they follow political issues?
• Thursday: where would your character like to go on vacation?  Why?
• Friday: describe where your character lives.
• Saturday: does your character like him/herself?  What are their favourite personal traits?  What do they wish they could change about themselves?

Even if your goal is to write better blog posts or poetry or creative non-fiction, please try your hand at this lesson.  There is a greater point I’ll make about this next week, but that post (which is applicable to all writing) won’t make sense unless you try creating characters.

See you back here next Sunday (with your homework!) and another lesson.  Remember, if you end up posting this on your blog, please leave a link below so other students can go read it.

Welcome back to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations.

Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):

• The list opens the 1st of every month. It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere–blog writers and/or blog readers.
• Add yourself to the list by filling out this form: The list is closed.  The June list opens on 5/31.
  
• Click here to cut-and-paste this bit of code to add to your sidebar (if you have the old code from another month, remove it and replace it with this one). You need to add the icon or a link to the current list on your blog (see below) and will not be added until it’s up.
• Commenting kicks off every month on the 21st. Please mark it somewhere (calendar, post-it note taped to your computer…), though I will be sending out an email reminder on the 20th. Commenting week runs from the 21st to the 28th. Every day, leave 5 comments and return 1 comment for a total of 6 comments. You are highly encouraged to choose the blogs you comment on from the participants list below, but this is not required.
• I will send a second email on the 28th to remind you to remove the icon from your blog.
• Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commenters.
• The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch our breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.

1. Stirrup Queens (twins, books, writing)
2. Adrift on a Dandelion Breeze (stillbirth, secondary IF, IVF)
3. A Page In My Book (humor, boys, special needs)
4. Llife As I Know It (twins, toddler, life)
5. Breathe Gently (IVF #1, TWW, PCOS)
6. The 2 Week Wait (infertility newborn humor)
7. Follow Every Rainbow (male factor infertility)
8. Feeling Beachie (life, humor, family)
9. Emma in Mommyland (motherhood, baby after miscarriage)
10. I’m Just Ducky, Thanks (RPL, adoption, surrogacy)
11. Our Pathway to Parenthood (IVF, infertility, hope)
12. Lessons from an Infertile Social Worker (adoption, parenting, breastfeeding)
13. Somewhere in the Middle (infertility, DIA, waiting)
14. Waiting For Baby (pcos, vasectomy reversal, ttc #1)
15. Baby-Making Merry-go-Round (IVF#1, TWW & results, teaching)
16. Modern Medicine Miracle (military, donor sperm, pregnancy loss)
17. Syringe Sisters ((fet, ttc #1, ramblings))
18. Our Growing Gardunn (secondary rpl, clomid, septum)
19. My Pathway to Motherhood (SMC T42 life)
20. When ‘We’ Becomes 3 (infertility, injectables, iui)
21. Within Reach (pregnancy, twins, toddler)
22. A Woman My Age (adoption, infertility, parenting after 40)
23. A Blanket 2 Keep (IUI, life, hope)
24. My Bum Ovaries (premature ovarian failure)
25. The Elusive Second Line (TTC #1, miscarriage, PCOS)
26. It Is What It Is (Or Is It?) (pg w donated embryos, ttc#2, pg over 40)
27. Journey with Endometriosis (endometriosis, ectopic, ivf)
28. Bébé Suisse (miscarriage, ttc again, switzerland)
29. Created Family (unexplained IF, acupuncture, social worker)
30. Waltzing in Galoshes (adoption, waiting, infertility)
31. The Bickerstaff Blog (loss, coping, life)
32. Infertile Myrtle (parenting after infertility)
33. From Gutter to Stars (therapist, infertility, how to deal)
34. Nest Building 101 (life, hobbies, infertility)
35. The Road Less Traveled (infertility, baby #2, parenting)
36. MRKH Musings (born infertile, surrogacy)
37. The Brooding Woman (ttc, weight loss, anejaculation)
38. The Idea Girl (kids, crafts, cookery)
39. Creating a Family (infertility, adoption, parenting)
40. My Onederful Life (only child, hypophosphatemia, parenting)
41. Glitter & Rainbows (infertility, pcos, what’s next?)
42. The Daily Miracle (parenting a singleton and twins after IVF, trying to adjust to being a family of five )
43. Inconceibable! (donor egg, step-parenting, life)
44. The Hopeful Pink Lady (infertility, IUI, hope)
45. Bloggers for Hope (donor, loss, adoption)
46. Return To Go (PCOS, medicated cycles, unemployment)
47. all i ever wished for… (if, ivf, life)
48. Baking & Babies (ttc, infertility, baking)
49. Tales from the Waiting Room (IVF, TTC #1, unexplained IF)
50. Wanted: Family of Three (ivf #1, MFI, hope)
51. Living With Endo (and Infertility) (infertility, endo, life)
52. Not All Dreams Are Free (preparing for IVF, male factor infertility, miscarriage)
53. Doping For Baby (ivf, yoga, gratitude)
54. If You Don’t Stand For Something (MFI, geekiness, general life ramblings)
55. The Childless Mom (ivf-icsi-fet, humor, pregnancy #1)
56. Tiny Bits of Hope (IVF, TTC #1, teacher)
57. Lori Does Maryland (IVF, multiple losses, parenting after loss)
58. Marilyn and Thetan’s little Angel (ivf, hope, pregnancy)
59. She’s Gone Crunchy (parenting after infertility, greener living, cloth diapers)
60. The Walk (endometriosis, implantation failure, IVF, failed treatments)
61. The Pussy Palace (TTC#1, IUI, life)
62. from IF to when (adoption, infertility, waiting)
63. MissConception (FET#1, twin loss, PCOS)
64. Dragondreamer’s Lair (parenting, secondary infertility, life)
65. Unglamorous (ttc #2, finances, family)
66. Half Baked Banana Bread (parenting, HELLP Syndrome, preemies)
67. Dwelling on Dreams (pregnancy after loss, miscarriage, grief)
68. The Redhead Files (IUI, miscarriage, endo)
69. Our New Normal (adoption, life, diy)
70. Who Is This Fertile Myrtle (IVF secondary infertility)
71. Living Our Miracle (embryo adoption, premature ovarian failure, motherhood)
72. Worthy Of A Miracle (infertility, ivf, unsupportive spouse)
73. A Virtual Hobby Store and Coffeehouse (news, life, neat finds)
74. Hope in times of uncertainty (icsi ivf, pregnancy, pcos/hypothyroid)
75. The Infertility Voice (donor egg/IVF, coping, empowerment)
76. Witty Infertility (unexplained, starting treatment)
77. Getting There (adoption, parenting, infertility)
78. Lovely Transitions (infertility, recent ectopic pregnancy, FET#1)
79. The Pursuit of Pregnancy (rpl, immune, endo)
80. 1000 Oceans (twin loss, ivf, grief)
81. Believing in June (marriage, fertility treatments, TTC #2)
82. Cease and Decyst (pcos, anovulation, irreverence)
83. Looking For That One (IVF, waiting, ttc again)
84. Loving Our Life Together (adoption, parenting after IF)
85. Holly’s Narrative Dream (infertility, life, writing)
86. Conceptionally Challenged (life, love & everything in between)
87. Something Out of Nothing (infertility, mfi, sperm!)
88. InfertileFirstmom (infertility, IVF/donor eggs, birthmotherhood)
89. TheStorkDiaries (30-something, IUI failure, TTC 2+years)
90. Journey to the Finish Line (infertility, life, humor)
91. Carneyexploits (IUI, gardening, life)
92. Living In A Fertile World (pregnancy, life, infertility)
93. (In)fertility Unexplained (pregnancy, IVF, unexplained infertility)
94. Hapa Hopes (IVF, decision making, waiting)
95. Things Couldn’t Be Better (infertility, embryo adoption, crazy people)
96. Not a Fertile Myrtle (adoption, 40’s, male factor)
97. The list is closed.  The June list opens on 5/31

Q: What if I miss a day?

A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments–12 comments instead of 6.

Q: What if I have two blogs? Can I sign up twice, listing both blogs?

A: Yes, but you also need to double your comments. If you have two blogs listed, you should be leaving 12 comments per day.

Q: What is an Iron Commenter?

A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commenter and be entered on the Iron Commenter honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commenter status is done on an honour system. Please email me if you earn Iron Commenter status so I can add you to the wall of honour.

Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?

A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is yellow, the next month it will be green, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins and better ensures that you’ll use it. Too many times, people sign up and forget to actually do IComLeavWe and this icon gives you a daily reminder (with the dates on it) every time you open your own blog. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.

Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog! I want to join the list–why can’t I?

A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.

Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?

A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours). The list closes around 11 p.m. EST on the 21st.

Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?

A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.

Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?

A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.

Looking for the comment section? It has been closed on this post. Use the form in the directions to add yourself to the list.

There was a great post on BlogHer this week about behaving “like a girl.”  How people use the phrase in a derogatory manner (throw like a girl, cry like a little girl, run like a girl).  There is a wonderful part in the post where the mother looks at her daughter and points out all the things she’d like to do “like a girl.”

I hope someday I can fly a kite like a girl. And do kung fu like a girl. And draw like a girl. And you know what? I wish I could cry like a girl. You get it all out, and then you look for the next thing, bouncing back with amazing speed. You don’t do like me, hold it inside as long as possible, letting it fester, bringing me down for days. You are not bitter.

Isn’t that brilliant?  I thought about all the little girls I know from family and friends and Girl Scouts and volunteering.  And I started compiling this list in my head of all the things I’d like to do like a girl.  I’d like to climb like a girl.  And hold hands with my friends like a girl.  And go all-out for spirit week like a girl.  And I’d like to write like a girl really loving what I create.

What would you like to do like a girl?

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week as well as the week before.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Passed Right By – And Never Knew” (Diary of a Mom)
• “Commitment” (Seriously?!)
• “N is for Negative Pregnancy Tests” (Clay Baboons)
• “IF is Like a Video Game” (Braving IVF)
• “Eating Humble Pie” (I Believe in Miracles)
• “The Other Thing I Wish I’d Fought Back About” (Bébé Suisse)
• “Breather” (Ginger and Lime)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Infertile First Mom asks “What’s In a Loss?” after her only IVF cycle is cancelled.  It is a loss, she points out, even if the child never had a chance to grow inside of her; a goodbye to the person she has been hoping to have in her life.  And she brings in other losses; such as her first child who she placed for adoption 13 years ago.  She writes, “Yes, it was by my own choice and some would say that that makes a difference… but I promise you it didn’t make the pain hurt any less, just because I made the decision. The ache that I’m feeling right now is similar to the ache I felt 13 years ago when I let go of my baby girl. It’s a deep, hollow feeling that screams and echoes and reverberates throughout my body.  The feelings are similar, I believe, because both were born of that maternal love that is an innate part me… and so many of you.”  It’s a gorgeous, aching post.

Being Jamie Lynn has a post about realizing it has been a year since she last cycled.  I love the opening: “It’s hard to write when you don’t really know what direction you are heading in.  I wouldn’t say I’m lost, it’s more like I’m wandering.”  It’s a post about taking a deep breath and taking a step forward, even without knowing where that step will take you.

Life and Love in the Petri Dish has a post about telling family members about the pregnancy.  One reacts by telling her about other people who have also had a “difficult time” conceiving.  And her mother takes the opposite approach, reining herself in on asking about the specifics and instead just enjoying the big picture moment.  I loved the juxtaposition of the two different ways that two different people accepted and processed the information.

Lastly, there were so many good “Don’t Ignore” posts for NIAW this week.  I loved Life Without Baby’s post about not ignoring the option to resolve your infertility by living child-free.  She points out a reality within infertility: “In many ways, there’s a perception that infertility is never an insurmountable obstacle to a family, and that there is always a next step available. In theory, that’s somewhat true, but in practice, it’s never as simple as that, and many us find that we reach the end of our emotional or financial paths long before we exhaust the list of family building options available to us.”  She agrees that child-free is not an option that fits everyone, but that doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t have the same support in place (or be discussed) as much as all the other ways people resolve infertility.  A great post.

The roundup to the Roundup: What would you do like a girl?  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between April 20th and April 27th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.