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418th Friday Blog Roundup

by Mel

My great-aunt died this week.  She was very old, but I wasn’t expecting the call so when it came, I spent a few hours feeling very numb.  I still feel numb.  It took two hours for the words to sink in before I started crying.

I don’t even know how to write about it.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

  • For the first time ever… there were none.  Can we do better this week?

Okay, now my choices this week.

The Road Less Travelled has a post about why she doesn’t like November.  It’s not just the passing of her unfulfilled due date.  It’s the greyness, the cold, the rush to Christmas.  It is about the way grief has of anchoring you to a time period.  She writes, “Sometimes I feel a bit funny, mourning the baby who never was born — the child who never drew a breath, let alone grew up —  the future I looked forward to that never came to pass. I know my grief is real and legitimate. But sometimes I feel like I’m still stuck back in 1998… while all around me, more and more of my peers are not just in the thick of parenting, but becoming grandparents.”  There’s a beauty amid the melancholy of her annual post.

Glow in the Woods has a post by Still Life with Circles about visiting fortune tellers.  It begins: “I root for each fortune teller I meet.  Say her name. Lucy. Lucia. Say it. Mention her.”  It is about finding those tiny moments of comfort when you’re in mourning, grabbing them from whatever direction they come.  And the one she finds at the final psychic is amazing.  You will read the end of the post with your breath held.

Kmina’s Blog has a post about her lack of blogging and how it ties into a difficult time she’s having with her son, but it is so much more than that.  It is about giving yourself permission to feel what you’re going to feel.  For everyone who has sensed that they’re not up to the task of parenting or who feels guilty complaining based on promises you made yourself before you got into the situation, this post is for you.  Because it’s actually one of the most brilliant, honest things I’ve read this week (and yes, I know it was from the week before, but I didn’t read it until last Friday afternoon).

Lastly, Aerotropolitan Comitissa has a very funny, heartfelt post about teaching her son patience (and discovers that she has a budding little blogger on her hands).  I especially loved this moment: “At this point we have a little musical lesson centered around that well-known prayer – ‘Lord, grant me the serenity…’  I point out to him that this case falls into the ‘things I cannot change’ basket rather than the ‘things I can,’ because he does not yet always have ‘the wisdom to know the difference’.”

The roundup to the Roundup: Saying goodbye to my great-aunt.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between November 9th and November 16th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

25 comments

1 Anjali { 11.16.12 at 7:40 am }

So sorry for your loss, Mel.

2 Lisa { 11.16.12 at 9:04 am }

Annalee from Happiness at the Core wrote a post that really resonated with me this week about the encroaching holidays and the affect it has on bereaved mothers.

http://www.happinessatthecore.com/2012/11/15/the-holidays-etc/

3 Lisa { 11.16.12 at 9:05 am }

p.s. I’m so sorry for your loss Mel <3

4 Lisa { 11.16.12 at 9:13 am }

Also, I’d like to share another post that discusses that the loss of an older child isn’t worse than the loss of a baby. Some people do seem to think that the loss is worse because a baby isn’t very old.

I think this post is very well written, and written in a way that would bring perspective to anybody.

http://myweebubba.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/would-it-be-worse-if-he-was-older.html

5 loribeth { 11.16.12 at 9:15 am }

I am sorry about your great-aunt, Mel. 🙁

Thanks for including me in the Roundup. As for the lack of second helpings this week, I think we all got sidetracked debating the merits & demerits of Magic Mike. ; ) Will try to do better this week….!

6 Katie { 11.16.12 at 9:27 am }

I’m so sorry for you loss, Mel. 🙁

7 EmHart { 11.16.12 at 9:48 am }

Jenn wrote a deeply moving and painful post after her tragic eptopic pregnancy this week. She writes of the support and love she has received and says “Language is limited in its ability to communicate feeling, emotion, empathy, and genuine concern, but actions are not. A hug and recognition of this struggle go so much further than a bottle of tequila ever could. Simply acknowledging my pain means more than a contrived explanation ever will.”

It really is a beautiful post http://futurefords.wordpress.com/2012/11/14/the-end/

8 serenity { 11.16.12 at 11:29 am }

I am so sorry for your loss. 🙁

Esperanza had a wonderful post about passing on a book (which someone else passed on to her) which changed her life and could help another person out. I love this idea that a well-worn, dog eared book who has helped two people can continue to help others. And it’s such a blogger thing to do – send words to each other as inspiration and a hug.

xoxo

9 Jendeis { 11.16.12 at 11:41 am }

Thinking of you and yours. May Hashem comfort you amongst the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

10 Suzy { 11.16.12 at 11:55 am }

Mel I am so sorry for your loss. Great Aunts are a lot like Grandmothers and very special people. Thinking of you.

11 Meghan { 11.16.12 at 12:14 pm }

I’m so sorry for your loss. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

12 a { 11.16.12 at 12:34 pm }

I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you will share with us what made your Great Aunt so special.

I do have something to contribute this week! H has been posting in May’s stead, so there’s some more of the elusive male perspective…

http://nutsinmay.wordpress.com/2012/11/11/the-roller-coaster-of-ivf/#comments

13 Keiko { 11.16.12 at 1:39 pm }

Coping with Infertility, Loss and the Winter Holidays from RESOLVE New England’s blog: a moving, first-person account of a woman’s experience with a miscarriage at Christmas.

Jessica’s moving post about her daughter’s identification with CoCo Chanel and the conflict created by their family history after the Holocaust. And another one, just b/c I’d love to hear more suggestions on what we can do as a community: How Can We Educate the Public About Infertility?

Serenity’s gorgeous post about Creating Family.

14 Mina { 11.16.12 at 2:45 pm }

I too am so sorry for your loss. Even when expected, saying good bye is never easy.

Thank you for including me in the round up. I am honoured. I also need all the help my virtual village can give me.

I have a post that I really loved and I think others would enjoy as well. It belongs to Kate from infertile myrtle. Here it is. http://katery.wordpress.com/2012/11/13/2295/
It has poetry. It has honesty. It has raw imagery. Quite brilliant, all of it. Especially the ending. It made me delurk and comment and add this blog to my reader.

15 Tiara { 11.16.12 at 3:53 pm }

I am very sorry for your loss.

16 Annalee { 11.16.12 at 4:42 pm }

I’m so sorry for your loss, Mel.

Lisa from Dear Finley has a post on having to work when you should be on maternity leave. This is something I can definitely relate to. She discusses the insensitivity of colleagues and facing other pregnant women. It’s honest and heart-wrenching.

http://dear-finley.blogspot.com/2012/11/work-sucks-i-know.html

17 S.I.F. { 11.16.12 at 5:04 pm }

I am so sorry about your Great Aunt Mel…

This week, I am rooting for Kim over at The A.R.T. of Baby Making. She and her husband have been on a long journey, and this week they finally embarked upon their first IVF cycle in Barbados (a piece of the puzzle I’m especially intrigued by, because I’ve been curious about how cycles abroad go – plus, her pictures on Facebook have been seriously enviable!) I feel like I have “known” Kim forever now, and I have been so impressed by the way she has tackled infertility – leaving no stone unturned, embracing natural options, and taking such an active role in improving her own health and getting to the bottom of a long list of other issues she has had seemingly for years – all things which theoretically have been connected to the infertility.

They had their transfer on Wednesday, and I know could use lots of happy thoughts and support – so that is my second helping!

http://kimfreitas.blogspot.com/2012/11/transfer-day.html

18 Lori Lavender Luz { 11.16.12 at 7:00 pm }

Abiding with you, my dear friend.

19 Kimberly { 11.16.12 at 11:20 pm }

I’m so very sorry for your loss, Mel. Love and hugs to you and your family.

20 Mud Hut Mama { 11.17.12 at 3:40 am }

So very sorry to hear the news of your aunt – thinking of you.

21 N { 11.17.12 at 8:12 am }

I’m so sorry.

22 Brid { 11.18.12 at 1:18 am }

Mel, Sorry to hear about your aunt. It is such a hard thing. I wish for you peace and restfulness during such hard times.

23 Cherish { 11.18.12 at 10:41 am }

I’m sorry to hear about your great-aunt. I dread those phone calls.

24 loribeth { 11.19.12 at 9:42 am }

This is not exactly a blog post, but an article written by Kristin at Once a Mother for Still Standing magazine, on an issue that I have sometimes fretted over myself: what happens when blogging life meets real life (and not only real life, but work life)?

http://stillstandingmag.com/2012/11/private-pain-in-the-public-sector-when-your-two-worlds-collide-unexpectedly/

25 KeAnne { 11.19.12 at 11:33 am }

I’m so sorry for the loss of your great-aunt.

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