Tell the Story
Cleaning the storage room is like picking at a scab.
No. Not quite. You shouldn’t pick at a scab; doing so leaves a scar. You should clean out the storage room, gutting it of everything you don’t need anymore. But in both cases, you bleed.
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There was a line on page 85 of The People We Hate at the Wedding: “Explore your grief until you’re one telling the story, instead of the story telling you.” The fact that we kept so many baby items tells a story. We thought we’d have more children. Each item tells a story. This is the baby mat that our imaginary baby was going to play on. This is the stacking toy our imaginary baby was going to use to demonstrate eye-hand coordination.
Cleaning out the storage room means telling a different story. We’re not having more kids. We’re choosing to take control of our space and clean out the items we don’t need. We’re the ones in charge; changing the space so it fits our needs. This is the stuff we don’t want anymore.
But that’s the funny thing about stories: you can tell them, but that doesn’t mean you believe them.
I don’t have any need for an old stroller.
It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to have a need for an old stroller.
I wish I had someone to tuck into the stroller.
But I don’t. So I’m telling myself a different story and gutting the storage room again. One of these days, the last of the baby things will be gone.
13 comments
{{{{{{{Mel}}}}}}}
What you need in your life is an unsentimental curmudgeon. You’ll never attach your dreams to any THING because you know it will soon be on the cull list. It will do wonders for your storage room, if not for your psyche.
Wishing you had someone to tuck into the stroller, too…
As someone who has quite literally saved every last baby item we ever had, I completely understand. We went through a move in the midst of IF, and someone helping us pack started moving baby items to the donate pile and I pretty much lost my mind.
I have just managed to move most things to the attic storage;only a few things that won’t fit are left in my closet. (Attic is huge, attic access panel is small)
I wish I could make things different for you. It’s truly unfair. Lots of love and prayers and good thoughts going out to you. (((Hugs)))
Hugs.
Aw, I feel you. We are still using our baby stuff, but in a month or two at most the first (big) items will be outgrown, starting with the Halo bassinest. And that’s a big beast. A beast I love. The first baby item I bought. I know it’s just a thing but it’s hard to accept it is not going to be needed. But I know that day is inevitable, whether it comes in a month or later. I find I fall back on one of my dads sayings: “It served it’s purpose.” He liked to say this as a reminder it’s ok to move on, that we can honour the utility of something while not carrying it forward. And you know, one day all of US will have served our purpose, whatever that is, and we will be leaving the earth to others.
Sorry. 🙁
{{{{Mel}}}}
Abiding with you….
Oh Mel. I am gleefully purging all of our baby things because we are done at two and very happily done. But I remember the emotional weight of the baby things when we just had E and wanted a second but didn’t think we would get lucky twice.
I hope you gain some lightness from the letting go. But I am so sorry you are letting go not for the reason you wanted.
Oh Mel. 😔
So much love coming your way.
I found that keeping things around is a form of torture. If the things are there, then we can imagine using them for the child. If they’re not there, we’re not torturing ourselves with what-ifs. I hope that, in clearing out the storage room, it releases you from the what-ifs.
Sending hugs.
Hugs. The only way I’ve been able to part with some baby stuff is when I’ve been able to pass it on to specific babies I love. Seeing my best friend’s daughter in my daughters’ clothes brings me joy and lets me focus on that rather than the finality of giving them away, knowing we are done with babies in this house.
Oh, sending you belated hugs on this post. How beautiful in the way the baby things haunt you, but it’s just not the time to exorcise them. I feel this, too, with my boxes of board books and tub with the onesies we didn’t want to donate because they were too…personal. Such a difference between not needing something and wanting to need it even though you don’t…in keeping that wish tangible through the things we hang on to. So very hard.
(((hugs)))