#Microblog Monday 197: Being 44
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The New York Times recently had a piece about surviving your 40s. My 40s have been interesting; something initially dreaded and now embraced. I am sure I will also be dragged kicking and screaming into 50, but I am happy to be a few days into being 44, not least of which because the number is the same backwards as forwards.
The article asks: “What exactly is this not-young age? I hear people in their 20s describe the 40s as a far-off decade of too-late, when they’ll regret things that they haven’t done. But for older people I meet, the 40s are the decade that they would most like to travel back to.”
It’s an interesting idea to be living the decade you’ll most want to return to live again. It makes you more mindful to slow down and drink in the moments because they are apparently as good as it gets.
Mostly, I like the essay for these lines: “What is a grown-up anyway? Do they really exist? If so, what exactly do they know? Will my mind ever catch up with my face?”
What is a grown-up? And are you one?
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14 comments
I am, sadly, looking back on my 40s now. They were the saddest, scariest, most fulfilling, most contented, most satisfying years of my life in many ways. 40s are great because you’re not yet deemed too old for almost anything (outside of a fertility clinic at least), yet you have the wisdom and confidence of decades. Enjoy them while they last. Belated happy birthday!
Sometimes I feel very much a grown up and other times I wonder when the real ones will come in and take over because I’m in way over my head. I don’t think that ever goes away, I guess. So far the 40s have been OK. I think its the lack of milestones that gets me. happybirthday!
Belated birthday wishes, Mel. I know I am late and sorry for that. I kept thinking of the right place to wish you – FB wall, FB messenger or head to your blog. Sigh! I just did not do anything 🙁
I am not sure how my 40s will be. I am slightly scared of age but at the same time I am loving my late 30s. 🙂 Wishing you a lovely year ahead. Keep writing!
To me, a grown-up is someone who accepts, even embraces all of themselves: Their responsibilities, their passions, their loves, their fears. I’m a grown-up for sure but I still look for the silliness and wonder in everything childlike. I’m 54 and so much for the 40’s… have you ever noticed that when you see people- particularly women who talk about finding their peace, their passion, their place in the universe, they’re usually in their 50’s?
I think being a grown-up is doing the stuff you don’t want to do and going on. And learning. and growing. Maybe it should be a growing up not grown up.
I definitely don’t feel grown up – not sure if that will ever change. I remember years ago, one of my mom’s friends saying that the 40s were amazing because you stop caring about what other people think and you really just live for yourself.
Yeah, I’m definitely a grown-up. Truth be told, I was probably an adult by most people’s definitions before I had children — I lived independently, I had a responsible job — but having kids certainly sealed the deal.
Yes, I am a grown up. I do grown up things like pay a mortgage, say no to my immediate desires in service of a bigger picture, and teach my teens how to similarly adult.
Dang, this is depressing.
I was in the bleachers at a high school basketball game the other day noting how much I feel like a high school student on the inside. So no, I am not so grown up that my mind has caught up with my face.
HAPPY 44th!!
Happy birthday! I like the sound of 44, too. Nice and even with special properties. 42 is nice as well… Don’t how some shye’s sound better to me — favorites were 17, 24, 27, 34, 36, 42 so far. I love that quote… And I sort of hope my mind NEVER catches up to my face. I guess I’m a grown up now. I think it sunk in for me when I’d watch commercials and identify with the parents, not the kids. That was a turning point, as was realizing college was 20 years ago. Yipes…
I’m glad you are enjoying your 40s. When I think about my 40s, quite frankly, it’s one big long blur of a decade, overshadowed by the aftermath of infertility & loss, trying to figure out what my life was going to look like if I wasn’t going to have children. I was 40 when we stopped treatment, and it took me until at least 45 to reach some semblance of acceptance that this was going to be my life now. The good thing was that the older I got, the fewer questions about children and ttc got thrown my way.
I am (gulp) 57 now, and in some ways I feel like I am still fumbling my way along. Am I a grown up? I guess so — I do or have done most of the things an adult does, like pay a mortgage and hold down a job, and now caring for aging parents — but I certainly don’t feel like an adult sometimes. I do agree that there’s a certain comfort level that comes with middle age… you’re more inclined to say yes to the opportunities life throws at you (because you realize how precious they are), and less inclined to take crap from other people, lol.
I think what feels “grown up” for me is my dad passing away and the relationship with my mom changing. She’s really struggled to adapt and sometimes these days she seems more like a confused young person than my mom….though she still us, obviously. I’d be lying if I said I’m ok with it: it’s uncomfortable and new. Being able to be an adult child with ones own parents living and healthy is a real privilege (especially if you’ve been lucky enough to have kids as well). Unfortunately like everything else in life it doesn’t last forever.
And happy birthday!
Happy (belated) birthday! When I moved away to grad school, and had to buy appliances for the first time (a washer and dryer, gasp!), I was pretty sure I had become a grownup. I think purchasing appliances does it. If not that, then purchasing furniture from a store where they take your order, it gets made for you, and brawny men deliver it some months later. That must make you a grownup!
More seriously, as I’ve gone through life, I’ve come to realize that there are people out there living very happily and doing none of the things that I thought were foundational to being an adult. That includes things like paying taxes and having some sort of income. Once I figured that out, I stopped trying to define ‘adult’ or ‘grownup’ and just focused on doing what makes me happy. Perhaps this is why I now own not one, but two washing machines! 🙂
I guess I’m a grown-up. ;P But I’m not sure how well I’m doing this adulting thing. Somedays I feel older than my years and other days I still can’t believe I’m not in my very early 20’s.
Happy Belated birthday.