#Microblog Monday 222: Give Advice
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It’s that time of year when whatever we struggle with comes to a head. Blame it on the presentation of the unattainable, perfect life. Blame it on unrealistic movies, commercials, and social media feeds. Blame it on the fact that we get sucked in even when we know it’s as fake as snow at Disney World.
If you’re feeling completely down about a problem you’ve been chipping away at forever, psychologists have found the secret to getting motivated again: give advice to someone who is struggling with the same problem. It’s a really brilliant study, pointing out that people who are dealing with the problem are experts on the problem.
The post points out: “If you’re completely clueless about the resources or strategies necessary for progress, asking for help is probably the best first step. But if you (like most of us), know what you need to do, but are having trouble actually doing it, giving someone advice may be the push you need.”
So what advice do you have to give?
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7 comments
I wound up putting some of my advice in my post this week :). But other advice I would have includes taking a deep breath before reacting in a tough/upsetting situation (seriously, as simple as this is, I really struggle with actually *doing* it).
Fascinating study, though. I never would have considered giving advice that I’m having trouble taking as a good idea for helping do it myself, but I know I’ve often heard that if you can teach a concept it reinforces it in your own head. This is a bit of a novel variation on that concept that I’ll have to keep in the back of my mind. It certainly puts a different spin on advice columnists!
I could give anyone advice on how to lose weight! I have battled my weight my entire adulthood, and my inability to get the issue in check has absolutely nothing to do with a lack of knowledge or information. 😉
Hm, interesting… this kind of relates to a TED talk I was watching about how your attitude to stress determines whether stress negatively impacts your health, (in particular, whether stress causes constriction of your arteries or not!) One of the points made was that oxytocin was part of the stress response, and that this may lead you to seek out people to connect, and may help you to have/receive greater compassion in troubling times. So, it sort of follows that helping someone else helps yourself, as it gets the compassion juices flowing… plus, even biologically it helps you have a better physical reaction to stress! Pretty cool stuff. Anyway, thinking of advice I have given a friend – it is to sit down and visualise what you want in life and working on goals. And yes, I think that’s what I need to do myself! why, thanks self to self.
This is perfect timing, as I mentioned in my Monday post I’m reading advice I wrote to others over the last eight years of blogging, and thinking to myself, “I should do what I say!” Most recently, it was seeing the quote, “you are too busy holding on to your unworthiness.” That’s been me the last year or two! And I need to forget it, and – to quote Nike – just do it.
Trust yourself. When I’ve been working hard, I look forward to finishing the current big, demanding, project and then giving myself some time off to just lie around reading magazines and catching up on TV shows on demand. But when I start the lying around part, I feel out of sorts without my routine. I think I subconsciously worry that I will never get back to my work / writing routine again and my whole life will go to pot. (I get the same feeling if I don’t eat well and exercise.) But I know that I always get myself back on track and everything is fine. And that relaxing for a few weeks is not “off track” in the first place- it’s planned, much-needed, well-earned R & R!
Years ago, I remember walking into my grad advisor’s office, finding her completely dumbfound that students were unhappy about her teaching style. She assumed (as many do) that because she did well in school she knew how to teach and was blown away by the negative feedback. There’s so much advice out there from people who didn’t have to struggle, but you’re correct that the most sage advice comes from those who had to struggle and often they are reluctant as they know there isn’t a universal fix-all.
I’m currently in a funk, so I’m not in a place where I feel qualified to offer any advice. But I am learning what it means to listen to your gut and exploring all roads, even the ones that don’t readily seem available.
“One way or another, you’ll get through it.”