#Microblog Monday 225: Silence is Golden
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I love silence. I work at home, without any extraneous sounds beyond a phone call here and there. I drive without music, flipping on the radio only when other people enter the car. If Josh is out for the night and the kids have gone to bed, I’ll enjoy a little more silence rather than opting for turning on the television. I talk to friends and family and love getting together with people, but I don’t seek out sound.
And, yet, I come from a very talk-heavy culture, and I have a constant impulse to strike up conversations with people around me because I believe they expect the people around them to strike up conversations. Does that make sense?
The BBC recently did a piece on why people in Finland don’t do small-talk, and it said: “silence functions as an extension of comfortable conversation.” Yes! If I am comfortable, I am quiet.
Do you make small talk, chatting with people in lines or behind the counter?
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12 comments
I love silence! I worry that by having children, I’ll never experience silence at home again! I do sometimes wish I was better at small talk, but overall if the other party doesn’t actively engage, I will pick silence over trying to force small talk!
Funny story: I once had an employee who hated small talk but decided he needed to get better at it, so he’d ride the employee shuttle around campus a few times a week just to practice making small talk with the driver! He was a great guy.
I have started talking to strangers more. I didn’t bother in the past, but then, I also frequently avoid talking to other people that I do know now. Like my coworkers. For the most part, I don’t really talk that much. I do sometimes enjoy background noise – especially in the car, because otherwise I end up hearing the engine noises and tire noises and random rattles and get concerned if they change in any way.
I am friendly and polite to strangers. If I feel like conversation is welcome, I’ll go for it. But I am happy to not talk. I almost always drive without the radio if I’m alone. I’m rarely alone at home and I do tend to turn on the tv if only because that’s my only time to watch something just for me. I think silence is very underrated.
I’m the opposite of you. I have come to embrace silence since having children (since it’s so rare at home these days), but I often chat with strangers (if they seem receptive), not because I feel it’s expected, but because I enjoy it. I also usually have music or a podcast playing in the background as I work, and I am not very bothered by ambient noise.
I LOVE* silence when I’m at home, but when out in the world, I engage in small talk; especially with people in service industries (cashiers, waiters, my Lyft drivers, the janitors at my job, etc) so they know I see them as human beings and not “person performing a service for me.”
(By “LOVE,” I mean “require.”)
I will talk away with family & friends that I am comfortable with, but I will admit I am not much for small talk with strangers in store lineups, at transit stops, etc….
I tend toward chatty, but I LOVE silence. I wake up super early some mornings just to capture long hours of silence.
I generally don’t talk to people beyond being polite. Small talk is difficult for me, and that has a lot to do with being an introvert.
I can chat as much as the next person but I’m not a fan of small talk. Especially when getting my hair cut and things like that. Not because I see these people as “the help” etc. I just want to be alone in my thoughts and I find questions about what I’m doing later that day etc. intrusive. I know people mean well and are probably bored but not everyone wants to share their personal lives with strangers.
One poor Trader Joe’s guy asked me how my day was going the morning my dad died (yes we went to tjs. My dad died early that morning and we were out of food and I needed a distraction so our whole little family of 4 went). So I told the poor guy “not so great, my dad died this morning.” Be careful what you ask!
The one time I arrived at Helsinki Central Station I was greeted by a “hugging” team: a free hug from a person in a bright yellow sweater. I still get the biggest smile on my face thinking about it so many years later. I am sure some small talk was involved ‘ Welcome to Finland!’
Articles like this come out every couple of years about how quiet Finland is. These days, it makes me giggle. Yes, small talk is…not so common, at least not as much compared to the US or other parts of the world, but it also depends on the people. Over the years, I have found I am becoming more Finnish and talk less (out in public) and don’t mind silence as much. The US is way too loud for me, it takes a few days to get used to people doing small talk. And by the time we return to Finland, I am so ready for the quite nature, even in the middle of town.
However, get a couple of drinks in Finns and you can’t shut them up. 😀
I like good music just as much as silence, but I do find small talk requires energy. Some days I have it and some days I don’t.