Take All Your Chances
I read something in Wangs vs. the World by Jade Chang that I’ve been turning over my mind ever since. Towards the end, on page 336, she writes,
The people of the world could be divided into two groups: those who used all of their chances, and those who stood still through opportunity after opportunity, waiting for a moment that would never be perfect.
I hope that I am in the first category. I know I sometimes become immobilized if I let myself go through too many what ifs, but, overall, I am a try-and-try-and-try-again kind of woman. I am a sure-why-not kind of woman. I am a you-need-to-ask-for-what-you-want sort of woman. Go for it. Just do it. All the slogans.
So that’s how I feel, internally.
Externally, I think some people would place me in the first category — mostly because I took the chance they offered — and some people would place me in the second category because I rejected their chance. Or some people would put me in the first category based on the chances they’ve seen me take, never knowing the ones I gave up, and other people would put me in the second category based on the times they took advantage of an opportunity and didn’t see me do the same.
I loved the words when I first read them, but the more I thought about it, the more it didn’t make sense to divide the world into chance takers or the non-chance takers unless the only measure was internal.
But to that end, not all chances are worth taking. There are plenty of opportunities that come my way that don’t seem worth the bird in the hand even if the two unknown birds in the bush may never be caught.
There’s a difference between complete inaction — I can’t think of many people who fit that description — and reality: so much of life is about making choices without knowing what you’re giving up. Something that seems like a great opportunity at the time may pale in retrospect when you see all the roads you now can’t take because you’re committed to the first one. And once you learn that, you start making decisions carefully, knowing that saying yes to one thing means saying no to another.
In the end, the quote became words I underlined, words I transferred to my bullet journal, thinking they would goad me to action if I ever stopped being myself. But upon deeper thought, didn’t make sense when I thought about them for too long.
What is your reaction?
6 comments
My daughter is someone who is frequently frozen with indecision. I spur her on to do things that I think she’ll regret missing out on later. I think it’s more a matter of being unable to recognize opportunities in the moment. It’s good that she’s not terribly impulsive, I guess, but she’s also not adventurous. Maybe I was like that when I was younger, but I don’t think it was through indecision – more too great a sense of responsibility. I hope that she becomes more decisive as she grows older.
firmly in the second camp and it is not where I want to be…
I think if you narrow it down to one chance, you could divide into two such groups.
But life is not a snapshot, it’s an ongoing movie. To me, this is the flaw with the division. There are lots of chances and there are lots of criteria by which people decide on those chances, and both of those things change over time.
I see it as a static viewpoint for a dynamic world.
I am more of the latter than the former, though I would say that for me, it certainly depends on the areas of my life and the chances being offered. I am not wholly risk-averse, but I would also not describe myself as a risk-taker generally.
I’m in agreement with Lori, as I think many people fall into a range of when they’ll take chances depending on where they are in life. It also depends on the risks involved, as more people will explore opportunities that have lower levels of risks or have a higher chance of reward. Most people won’t take every single opportunity and that’s not a reflection that they are somehow living a lesser life.
That said, I also agree with this statement in that those who live full lives tend to fall on the end of the spectrum of exploring opportunities. So maybe it’s about amending the statement?
My immediate reaction to this was the same (I see now) as that of Lori and Cristy. I think a lot of indecision or procrastination is driven by insecurity, feeling you’re not good enough, simple lack of confidence. The difference between feeling you can ask for what you want, and feeling that you can’t, that asking for what you want is shameful and selfish, is huge.
And I’m not sure either about the “full lives” issue. It varies depending on who you are. After all, childless women are told they’re not living full lives because they are not mothers. Mothers, who may have never taken a chance on anything other than motherhood, are told that they are living full lives because they are parenting. And for some of them, taking a chance on motherhood was an enormous, brave leap, and for others they just slid into it, without making a decision or “taking a chance.”
Ultimately, I don’t like to judge. Because none of us know what mountains we’ve had to climb, what chances we’ve had to take, simply to get to where we are.
Wow. This is food for thought, Mel. As always.