Ready to Grow
Lifehacker had a fantastic article that we just used with one of the kids to help them make a decision. It’s the two questions you need to be able to answer affirmatively to find out if you’re ready to grow. Because I think everyone would answer that they’d like to be the prettiest flower in the garden; tall, vibrant, noticed. But not everyone wants to go through the pain of becoming that flower — the uncertainty of the seed sprouting, the long days waiting for water, the pruning.
Growth is painful. It takes time. It takes energy. And there’s nothing wrong with taking a good, hard look at the goal and saying, “not ready right now to put in the work.”
The two questions:
- Do you want to do better? (We changed this to “do you want the achievement?”)
- Are you willing to feel uncomfortable or frustrated or disappointed as you do the work to reach your goal?
I think we get so bogged down looking at the goal and focusing on the goal that our eye glosses over everything that lies in the path between here and there. This part of the article rang true:
Bregman is saying to confront what it means to do something new first and ask yourself if you’re really willing to do it. Saying yes is no guarantee you will succeed, of course, but in the tough moments you can remember that you believed it was worth it. Then push through.
Stating something’s worth can make the difference between pushing forward or stopping the work.
So what do you want to do better? And what are you willing to feel frustration over?
7 comments
I think I’d add a final part to all that: reevaluate on a regular basis. Because something *can* initially seem worth pushing through the discomfort or frustration, but can also reach a point where reevaluation is necessary.
I’m glad that the article briefly mentions that saying “yes” doesn’t guarantee a particular outcome. I wish it had been a bit more frank in stating that sometimes stuff out of one’s control may make reaching the desired outcome not possible. I’d also argue that there’s a time where stopping may represent the better outcome in the end once the price (emotionally, physically, financially, or any combination) gets to a certain point for an individual.
Hmm. I am going to have to give this one some thought. The two things I most want to do better at present are: organizing my home, and establishing a habit of regular exercise. These are two areas where there is no real “end point” and in which I have struggled for years, so they are a little different than working to achieve a specific, quantifiable goal.
(Though I guess the kid in the article did decide to defer making a commitment until the next track season, so I suppose that *is* a form of stopping. I’m more referencing a stopping point after making the commitment above.)
I’ve been thinking about this a lot in the past week, with my trip to India approaching pretty quickly. What was I thinking about working on when I signed up? Is it the same now? Am I ready to be uncomfortable (pretty much guaranteed)? Especially given that there are a lot of other people going who have been working on their spiritual practice much longer than I have? I’m not sure I have clear answers, but there’s also no turning back …
This is the story of my life at the moment: lots of frustration and disappointment, but all aimed at goals. It certainly sucks, but I also know that this is part of the process.
May this family member find a smooth road to this decision and desired outcome.
These are great questions for me to help my teens and students.
And myself, of course :-). My “doing” is morphing into “being,” in that I am actually aiming to do less and be more…present. Am I willing to go through discomfort? Yes.
Oh these questions are great. I’m going to send them to my sister, as my little niece thinks she works hard, but is actually unwilling to go through discomfort or disappointment!
They’re also good for me, because I know that sometimes I’m willing to go through the discomfort and sometimes I’m not. At the moment, I’d answer “yes” to the second question on most things I’m attempting.