#Microblog Mondays 235: Mourning Directions
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I know next to nothing about Karl Lagerfeld, but I was fascinated by this article about his mourning instructions. Not burial instructions, because I think most of us have those, but five pages of mourning instructions.
For example, he “provided his staff with the acceptable answers he wanted them to give to customers when they offer their condolences. On the approved list: ‘Thank you for your condolences’ and ‘It is a hard time for all of us’.” He left behind the statements he wanted written about himself: “He leaves behind an extraordinary legacy as one of the greatest designers of our time, and there are no words to express how much he will be missed.”
I am equal parts in love and confused by his chutzpah to dictate what other people think and feel after his death. It’s not that other people don’t write their own obits, but they don’t take that space to speak effusively about themselves with the emphatic statement: I will be missed. We hope someone else will do that.
What do you think?
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9 comments
Huh. I mean, it more or less fits with the way Lagerfeld conducted his life, but in general, that’s an interesting way to think. I’ll admit that this appeals to me in some ways – coming up a pre-planned way to accept condolences or acknowledge those statements (particularly with a public figure) in a professional setting actually is a bit freeing in the sense that it prevents the fumbling for an acceptable response. It allows employees to acknowledge the statements gracefully and then get on to the business at hand (and given that Lagerfeld was in the business of beauty and creating fantasy, a seamless party line avoiding awkwardness seems very fitting). On the other hand, dictating how people are “supposed” to feel…ufff, not quite as comfortable with that. But I’ll admit that I also perhaps envy the absolute internal confidence that gave him the ability to pen that statement.
I think it’s kind of funny. “Chudspah” is a good word for it. I don’t know if he was a control freak but that’s what it sounds like. (He didn’t think his people could come up with “Thank you for your condolences” on their own?) Could you imagine that you’ve got nothing better to concern yourself with at that time in life than what your employees will tell your admiring public whom you’re leaving behind? It’s probably been made company policy to respect his wishes but I’m sure there are a lot of them secretly thinking: “Fuck that. What can he do to me now?”
I mean…personally if I were to do that it would be so ironic…like “of course mom left directions of us what to say. She was always bossy telling us what to do and how to do it”…
Because that is my role in life, to lead and be the boss wrangling so many people. At work sometimes I get teased for being the ultimate bossy dictator at times, and it’s just force of habit I guess. If I don’t do that at home there would be mass chaos and no one would ever make it anywhere sort of on time.
So yeah I think it’s the umtimate freak move that of course people are going to listen to because it’s your last request basically, and it sort of sums up Karl completely. But I don’t think that’s for me.
Huh, I chalk it up to him being controlling to the end. He was undoubtedly brilliant, did he really think that wasn’t going to be talked about? I think it’s sad he felt like he had to control the narrative about his legacy instead of letting his legacy speak for itself.
Chutzpah is right. It’s one thing to, say, request donations instead of flowers, ask for a party instead of a formal funeral &/or request that those attending wear pink instead of black… but to dictate what people should say about him seems a little controlling from beyond the grave.
Weird, weird, weird. How do you get to tell people what they should say about your death? My grandmother wrote her own obituary, and my mom has the entire memorial service and celebration planned out down to the music and the oysters, but no one I know has ever mandated what you should say. And I agree, “Thank you for your condolences” is not exactly earth-shattering for a scripted response. Weird.
I’m rolling my eyes at the idea of leaving instructions on what to say! Though if it was simply a matter of how the businesses handle it, then I can understand it and see it differently. But not if it was to family and friends. I mean, yes, it’s respectful to follow the wishes of the deceased person, but equally, what happens next and how people feel is for the living, the ones who are left, the ones who are mourning. You can’t dictate that.
Though I also find this interesting, because just the other day I was thinking that no-one in my in-person life really understands my online life, and how I am perceived by all my internet friends, and yet it (No kidding blogging/ pregnancy loss counselling etc) has been such an important part of who I am and how I see the world and have interacted in the world these last 15 years or so. And I’d like that to be recognised or understood. So I guess I can understand the motivation, though I do think maybe he’s gone over the top.
I’m betting that anything I’d come up with on my own about myself would be understated compared with what others would say about me (I think. I would hope).
Not so for KL.
I prefer my way.
Yeah, that’s super weird. You don’t get to dictate what people will feel/say – especially after you’re dead!