774th Friday Blog Roundup
About this time last year, Josh started broaching the topic of our future empty nest in earnest, gently bringing it up every few months. His cousin — a fellow parent of twins — told us that they hadn’t prepared and were completely immobilized for months after their twins left for college, not knowing what to do with themselves.
We talked about it a lot in France this summer, tossing out ideas while we sat on the boardwalk in Perros Gueric. Okay, tossing out ideas while I sobbed on the boardwalk in Perros Gueric. I knew I had to spend the fall taking actual steps toward new interests because the longer I waited, the emptier the activities would feel–obvious substitutions vs. actual interests. Plus the kids are busy with their own interests and activities and friends and mountains of homework. I needed to fill in my hours.
We’ve taken up birdwatching and already have two birdwatching trips planned for the spring and summer. I joined Friends of the Library and started volunteering with them. I volunteer weekly with the kangaroos. I joined the LGBTQ group at our shul. I joined a book club. Josh and I have a shortlist of classes we want to take or activities we want to start doing. We’re going out with friends more often. I started a research project for a book I’m planning to write.
My life at the end of 2019 looks different from my life at the beginning of 2019. I don’t feel at peace, but I also don’t feel as panicked. Which is a small, good thing.
Looking forward to 2020. And I hope you are, too.
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Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.
Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.
As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.
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And now the blogs…
But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:
- “#MicroblogMondays: This Is What It’s Like” (The Road Less Travelled)
- “The Last Moon Cycle of the Decade” (The Barreness)
- “Don’t Render Me Invisible” (No Kidding in NZ)
Okay, now my choices this week.
Risakerslake looks back at a decade (a little more profound than looking back at a year). From infertility not even being on the radar to becoming a parent to two girls via donor egg, she takes you through her roller coaster ride while conjuring up your own decade in the back of your mind. It’s amazing to look back on how much has changed in ten years.
It’s Inconceivable has a post of snapshots about Christmas. It is not an easy holiday for many people. She writes, “It’s deciding a few years ago to cease stressing about creating the perfect Christmas for everyone else and taking back control and doing things your own way – logging out of social media, mainstream tv etc, not attending triggering events and tending to your own needs.” Amen.
Lastly, No Kidding in NZ has a post about the stories we tell ourselves. She points out that some of the pain of being child-free after infertility (or even infertility itself) is that you need to change the story. The new tale goes against the one you were telling yourself. She explains, “We suffer because we have, for so long, told ourselves how happy we will be when we get pregnant/adopt/become parents. We suffer because we have told ourselves it is the only acceptable outcome.” I love this post, and it’s such an important read as well as a tool for reflection for the stories you’re telling yourself.
The roundup to the Roundup: All my new activities. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between December 20th and 27th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.
4 comments
Josh knows you well – great idea to start planning this far in advance. I have to say that life probably wouldn’t be that different for me when the kid goes to college. But I will also be eligible to retire then, so big changes may be coming. We shall see…
More peace than panic is, I would say, the mark of an overall good year.
Eager to know more about your research project and what it will lead to. Very cool.
Thanks for featuring my post. Especially as I was only featuring someone else’s very wise quote.
I’m glad you’re thinking about the empty nest. I remember my father-in-law being told he had to prepare for retirement, and being sent on a course that warned him to be prepared several years earlier. He still felt as if he had died when he stopped working, and didn’t have any plan to deal with it, or to find self-worth in another way. Keep doing what you’re doing. And change the story you’re telling yourself – when it is time, you will be ready, and the twins will be ready, and it will be cause for celebration along with nostalgia for what has been.
I was searching through your roundups trying to find some more blogs to follow and yay! here’s my post. Thanks so much, Mel, for featuring me!