Life at a Different Altitude
I feel like I’m crawling each week toward the weekend. Which is ridiculous because I’m in the same location, doing pretty much the same thing, whether it’s a Tuesday or a Saturday. With the exception of the time I need to wake up. I guess I am crawling toward the weekend so I don’t need to set an alarm.
My life isn’t all that different with the exception that we can’t go out and everyone is home. I’ve always worked from home, so that’s still the same. I usually work a few hours on the weekend, so that’s the same. I’ve always cooked and cleaned. So that’s still the same. I’ve always read and played solitaire and watched television with everyone. So. Again. The same.
But it feels like I’m living life at a different altitude. It’s the same activities—working, cooking, cleaning—but it feels harder. Like I’m moving through thicker air and it takes that much more energy to get from Point A to Point B.
Which is all in my mind. I know I’m in the same place. I know everything around me is familiar. But it feels like someone changed the altitude. And now I need to readjust and figure out how to efficiently work, cook, and clean at a different height.
For an indefinitely period of time.
8 comments
Totally agree. I make dinner, do laundry, etc. but for some reason these things seem so daunting now. Each meal in fact feels like we’ve run some sort of marathon. Now I am cooking for 6, but how is that any different from when they are all home for the summer or school breaks? I work from home 3 days a week normally but this seems different. My brain I think is just on overdrive on worry about the virus/the future etc so it makes the normal things I do more difficult. I don’t know, but you are definitely not the only one.
Everything might be the same (or at least mostly the same), but we are not able to fully choose to be at home. Kids don’t generally learn at home (unless homeschooled), not everyone is at home all day long (working or not). It is the same, but not really. We have been told to stay home and going out feels like a big (and dangerous?) task. So while home life is mostly the same, everything around us isn’t, really.
Everything feels harder to me, too. Except that, unlike you, my current daily life is quite different from my usual.
I used to only work remotely from home once every two weeks or so, and never when my sons were home. Now I’m doing it full-time, 40+ hours a week, including a half-day on Sundays to get all my hours in, with my sons home 24/7. Plus I’m overseeing my sons’ “distance learning” school work, preparing most of their meals (my husband helps), and doing lots of dishes. So, so many dishes! (In the pre-COVID-19 times, my husband did most of the dishes before I was even home from the office.)
Add onto all of these changes the isolation from friends and extended family, the cancellation of all our spring and summer travel plans, and the underlying anxiety that I may catch this virus and get very, very sick or die (I’m high risk for complications), and yeah. Not a fun time.
Totally agree. Part of the difference for me is that I also feel afraid a lot of the time, and that is new. Afraid that one of us will get sick, or our parents. Afraid of the financial impact of this. Afraid of going back out into the world with this lurking threat. That makes everything harder.
This. I resonate so much with this whole post. Other than no preschool, our lives look (superficially) really similar to before: both of us are working similar shifts, both of us are going to our jobs (essential workers), we are following similar routines…and yet. Everything really does feel so much harder.
I saw your headline and for a second I thought you were coming to visit me!
All this not-knowing feels oppressive. As in pressure. As in altitude.
I feel frozen. I don’t want to read. I could mindlessly watch TV, but it seems like too much effort to decide with those other people in my house what’s acceptable. I started a knitting project, but don’t feel like figuring out the next steps. I’ve baked and cooked a lot and I don’t want to do that any more. Sigh – I’ve also moved to 3 13 hour days at work, so now I get to be frozen at home 4 days a week. Saves on gas, anyway. Maybe I’ll pick up a different project – I did clear out one of the kitchen junk drawers the other day.
I can understand this. You’re right though. It’s the same, but not the same. And even though things are improving here, there’s still the fear that stupid thoughtless people will stuff it up for the rest of us. And I’m trying not to think about the future – it’s weird not being able to plan. For most of the time, I’m managing to avoid that. But occasionally, my mind leaps ahead … and then stalls.