The Pandemic Shadow
It’s Mother’s Day. I’m assuming I didn’t just pee in your Cheerios with that reminder, and you knew it was Mother’s Day before I said it. But it’s not actually a given this year. I’ve missed the onslaught of Mother’s Day signs because I haven’t been out in months. And while there may have been Mother’s Day messages on social media, I’ve missed them because everything is pandemic, 24/7.
A silver lining?
So it’s usually an odd day that I have a lot of feelings about, but this year, it fell under the pandemic shadow, which swallows everything in its path leaving behind only the main mental event: Covid-19.
I usually spend the day with my mum, but we can’t do that. At least, not in the traditional sense. We are dropping off dinner at my parent’s house, so I’ll get to see them from afar. And THAT has been what has kept me going this week. I dropped off groceries at the beginning of the week, and usually I cry while I drive away because it is a very odd thing to have you parents talk to you from 18 feet away. But this time, when I got in the car, I thought to myself: “Oh! Mother’s Day! I’ll get to see them again very soon.”
It is so weird how this day that normally puts me in a blue mood was the one thing I looked forward to all week. The shadow of Covid-19 changes the colour of things for me, turning things that are usually happy shades (libraries!) into murky colours (the germs there!) and murky colours (Mother’s Day) into happy shades (a chance to peek at my parents from 18 feet away for a few minutes).
Even though I am so so so sad that I can’t hug them. Though I want to bring a sheet and do this.
Sending peace of heart to everyone who needs it today.
4 comments
Yes. This sums up my feelings well. I’m generally very conflicted about Mothers Day, and then feel guilty for feeling conflicted because I get to be a mom. But this year – well, whatever. It’s sort of meaningless and I don’t mind. I spent the day with my family, like I’ve done every day since March 13. We went hiking, like most days. Ate a good dinner, which I cooked because I wanted to. Spent the afternoon watching a movie guilt free because it stormed here and also – well, whatever. Covid and quarantine overshadow everything and sometimes it’s easier to give in to that.
Weird times, these are. At first I though we’d lose a season (spring). But now I’m not so sure. Might be a good time to stock up on sheets 🙁
I’m glad that this year you were able to look forward to the day. I’m sure your kids made a fuss of you too, but you’re too nice to record it. I didn’t see a great onslaught of Mother’s Day advertising, thankfully, but I did wake up on Monday morning, and find my Fbk feed full of people showing off their brunches or cakes etc. The curse of time zones always means I have three M’s Days – UK back in March, NZ’s on Sunday, and the US on Monday. Argh!
I had some mom friends actually complaining about the lack of brunch this year. Which was sort of weird. But maybe pandemic grief related because what isn’t? My own mom is stuck in her retirement community. Actual lockdown, unlike our fake lockdown in which we all go out wherever the heck we please.