Hollow
We were finishing Rosh Hashanah dinner when we heard the news about Ruth Bader Ginsburg. We had been laughing about my low spelling group from elementary school, but my phone kept going off behind me. Over and over and over again. So I turned around and saw the top text from my cousin letting me know that she had died.
Our table got very quiet, and then ChickieNob started sobbing. The first fifteen minutes or so was just about calming her down and trying to make sense of things and wondering about her family—to lose her on Rosh Hashanah Eve, the last few minutes of the year.
Once she had calmed down, I came upstairs to cry by myself.
So many times since 2016, I’ve felt complete despair. I can’t say that this despair is different or worse or more hopeless than all the other moments of despair. But there is an emptiness inside of me. Like the outline of my body is despair, and the inside is completely hollow.
9 comments
I am hopeless right now.
I hope you can have a happy new year, in spite of it all.
Yes. Loss doesn’t even describe it…it feels like absence. I’m heartsick, for her family, for our nation.
She did what she could, and now she’s left it up to us.
Holding you all close tonight.
I feel for you all – my US friends and family. And for women around the world, as she was important to us too.
As our Prime Minister, who seems even more important to me than ever today, said, “Today is Women’s Suffrage Day in New Zealand. … Those who fought for the right for women to vote knew there were other challenges ahead in the battle for equality. People like Ruth Bader Ginsburg carried on that fight. She was tireless, determined, and made an immeasurable difference to the lives of so many. RIP to the notorious RBG.”
Sending much love.
This feels worse, somehow, than all the other terrible things. Hopeless in a different, new, terrifying way.
I got that same sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that I had on U.S. election night 2016. 🙁 Dh could see how upset I was and kept reminding me that we’re not Americans, i.e., “not our circus, not our monkeys.” But she was an icon & an inspiration to women everywhere — I know what her loss means — and being your next-door neighbours, our politics can’t help but be heavily influenced by yours. Our new federal Conservative leader is already campaigning on a slogan of “Take Canada Back” (back to what??!) and his followers are wearing red hats that say “Make Canada Great Again” (!).
There’s still more than a month before your election. I can’t vote, but you all can. There are a few Republican senators who have said or hinted that they would not support trying to fill a Supreme Court seat too close to the election. They need to be held to that. As I saw in several places on social media last night, “May her memory be a revolution.”
What a huge loss. What an imprint RBG made on the lives of women.
Her death is tragic. I wish we could have a little bit more time to mourn the loss before the ugly political machinations started. It didn’t take long to move from tragic to ugly. I mourn that about our country.
Gutted.
RBG was an icon for many, especially in my profession (law), and for good reason: she devoted her entire adult life to championing the cause of equal rights for women. My life would be very different today without her dedication and hard work.
This hit me harder than the passing of any public figure in a very long time. One more brick in the wall of awfulness that is 2020.
Yes to all that was said. Hollow. Gutted. Empty.
Afraid.
But also grateful for the work she did. And hopeful for the work that could be done in her memory.