Drink the Bellini

A few years ago, while we were in France, Josh gently broached the topic of finding things to do once the kids left for college. We put a few things on the list while I sobbed on a bench in Perros Guirec: We would learn all about tea. We would take up birdwatching. I would volunteer with horses.

Over the years, we added things to the list. I would learn how to identify trees by their leaves. We would learn a new language. I would take up jewelry making. And I would try a bellini.

I don’t drink alcohol, but I thought I’d like a bellini. So it went on the list.

It’s not a secret that I didn’t do well with the twins leaving. I became deeply depressed before senior year began, and I’ve been struggling all year with them away. Josh and I haven’t expanded beyond the tea we already drink daily. We halfheartedly look at birds without knowing what we’re seeing. I have not been near a horse beyond the wild horses in Chincoteague. I cannot identify trees or make jewelry. I haven’t even done what I usually do, such as seeing friends or putting together a photo album after a trip. I just haven’t had the energy to do anything beyond the bare minimum.

But a week ago, everything lifted. Nothing changed — the twins are still away, though we’re in the home stretch before they come home for almost four months. But I woke up one Saturday morning and felt different. I opened my computer and started writing a new book. I churned out over 11,000 words in the first week. I started reaching back out to friends. I looked forward to Pesach instead of dreading our meal for two. I started smiling and meaning it.

While I’ve checked nothing else off the list, we added bellinis to our seder menu. Is it kosher to have prosecco as the wine? Is it kosher to add peace nectar to the glass? Possibly not, though we couldn’t find any rules against it. We went for it so we could check something off the list. Baby steps. Maybe next year, we’ll check off two or three things.

I don’t know how I will be in August. If this is just a temporary lifting of my feelings because I know the twins will be home soon for a long visit. But I am hoping that my body and mind are starting to adjust to this new normal. And I’ll take the lightness while it is here.

I mostly liked the bellini. Not enough to have another between Pesachs, but it’s nice to have a new tradition.