Will
Erin McKeown recently wrote a newsletter about her will called “to die for.” Isn’t that a clever title? I thought it was a clever title.
Anyway, she writes about drafting her last wishes with her lawyer. Some of them are logistics about the funeral (cremated or not?) and understanding why she is making these decisions rather than leaving them for someone else to make at a later date: “of course, the overarching question of all this: who is this for? it’s not for me, that’s for sure. i will be dead.”
But then the conversation turns to what happens to her things. And that is the part that ties into the title. She writes,
not having a spouse or children and not owning a home in some ways made all the decisions simpler. but also… again…. strange! marriage and children are such shortcuts from hard decisions. if you don’t have those easy answers, the questions are harder.
And I love her answer and the longer unpacking of it, but it comes down to using your things to say thank you:
i have decided that whatever assets i do have at my death, will benefit a range of non-profits that i have had long, personal relationships with. these are not activist-type choices, these are choices that reflect gratitude for places that helped me become a better person.
Isn’t that such a lovely idea? Not to change the world (an activist-type choice) but to thank the world (a gratitude choice).
Erin McKeown seems like a lovely human being, so it fits. Go read her whole newsletter.
4 comments
Wow…I discovered McKeown’s music probably 30 years ago when she was playing little house concerts in people’s living rooms. How cool to discover her substack today! I haven’t listened to her in a while.
I love her statement, “marriage and children are such shortcuts from hard decisions.” It’s so true. I’m off to read her piece, now that I’m back in reading/commenting mode again.
I frequently note all the problems I will be leaving for my child to deal with.
Making a will, etc., and “what to do with all my stuff” are topics that constantly come up in the childless community because yeah, as she points out, the obvious/usual choices are not an option, so what do you do then? Dh & I made our wills and had powers of attorney drawn up about 10-15 years ago and it was a huge load off our minds to get that done. The lawyer we went to explained he didn’t care how much money or what accounts we had, etc., he just needed to know how we wanted our specific assets distributed and to whom. For us, it was pretty easy — we agreed we’d leave everything to each other, and then once we’re both gone, the nephews can divide up the rest between them.
We do need to make a few revisions, though. We currently have my sister & his brother listed as executors, and as my sister pointed out to me, neither of them are getting any younger either (lol). The nephews are old enough to do the job now, and hey, they might as well work for their money, right? (lol) I also have some little things that came from my family that probably wouldn’t interest or mean much to then — family photos, knick-knacks that my grandmother gave me, etc. And if none of my cousins’ kids shows an interest in all the family history stuff I’ve amassed over the years, I think I’d like to ask the local museum in the county where my family came from if they’d like to have it. They do a lot of family history stuff and already have some things related to my family, so that’s an obvious choice. I did ask the lawyer about that kind of thing, and he said it’s very easy to attach a list to the will as to what goes to whom. I just have to do it…!
But it does feel better to have SOMETHING in place. And it didn’t cost all that much — a couple hundred dollars for each of us.