Category — Book Club

Welcome to the eleventh tour of the Barren Bitches Book Brigade–a book club from the comfort of your own living room. Grab a cup of coffee and start clicking away at the links below.

Just to explain, this book club is entirely online and open to anyone (male or female) in the infertility/pregnancy loss/assisted conception/adoption/parenting-after-infertility world (as well as any other related category I inadvertently left off the list). It is called a book tour because everyone reads the same book and then poses a question to the group. Participants choose a few questions to answer and then post their response on their blog. Readers can jump from blog to blog, commenting along the way.

Book: The Mistress’s Daughter
Author: AM Homes
Start Date: March 5
Post Dates: April 14 and 15
(need an explanation of how a book tour works? Click here to go to a list of posts on the past book tours as well as information about all upcoming tours and book events.)

Barren Bitches Book Brigade List (click on any of the links below to take you to a stop on this book tour. Jump from post to post to read a plethora of opinions and thoughts on The Mistress’s Daughter. We’ve broken down the current tour into two groups. A new list will be posted tomorrow).

Group A:

The Annex (Josh)
The Road Less Travelled (Loribeth)
Everyday Stranger (Helen)
Weebles Wobblog (Lori)
Candy’s Land (Candy)
Sell Crazy Someplace Else (Jendeis)
Fertility Notes (Gabrielle)

Even if haven’t read The Mistress’s Daughter, you can still add your own thoughts on the blog tour or react to someone else’s critique.

Like the idea of being in a book club without leaving your living room? The next book for book tour #12 is Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen. The author will be participating too. According to Wikipedia: “Water for Elephants is a historical novel by Sara Gruen. The novel centers on Jacob Jankowski and his experiences in a travelling circus called The Benzini Brothers Most Spectacular Show on Earth.” It was a New York Times bestseller AND a Booksense #1 Pick.

The Details: Tour #12 will start April 16. Participants will read Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen. On Wednesday, May 21st everyone will send one question based on the book (to get a sense of questions, click here to see the questions sent for book tour #2) to me. I will compile the questions into lists that will be emailed out to you on May 23rd. You can also send along any questions you have directly for Sara Gruen. Everyone will choose 3 questions from the list and answer them on their own blog on May 27 and 28 (we will break up into two or three smaller groups and you can choose which day works best for you when the date gets closer). Each day of the tour, I’ll also post a master list and people can jump from blog to blog, reading and commenting on the book tour.

If you would like to sign up to participate in book tour #12, leave a comment below or send me an email. I need the title and a link to your blog as well as an email address where you’d like the two or three book club emails sent. If a spouse wants to participate too and he/she doesn’t have their own blog, have them set up a blog solely for book tours (as we did with the Annex) and send me a link to that blog. And if you’re a reader without a blog, now is a great time to set up a space for yourself on Blogger. People will be able to find brand-spanking-new blogs because they will be on the book tour’s participant list. The next few tours are always listed on the new upcoming and past tours list. Happy reading.

I have been reading the new Jennifer Weiner book, Certain Girls, that goes on sale tomorrow. It picks up where Good in Bed left off, following Cannie years down the road after the success of her book, Big Girls Don’t Cry (which is the book she writes to get back at Bruce Guberman). Her daughter, Joy, born prematurely back in Good in Bed (remember the pushing scene?) is now turning 13, hating her mother and trying to figure out what is real and what is fiction about her conception and early years from Big Girls Don’t Cry. Along the way, Peter decides he wants another child and post-hysterectomy Cannie turns to surrogacy (you knew there had to be an IF theme floating around there somewhere).

It is definitely IF-lite. The surrogacy storyline is tucked into the larger book somewhat like an errand to be run before the end of the day. But to be honest, it didn’t matter. Isn’t it funny–I bitch about talk show hosts not covering IF correctly, but it rolls off my back when I encounter it in Jennifer Weiner’s book. And perhaps it is because I like Cannie so much that when she declares the viability of her eggs simply by an antral follicle count (I know, don’t you wish? Though a doctor who shows you antral follicles and declares, “those are your eggs!”…) I want to simply stroke her hand and smile and say, “that rocks!” rather than deliver a list of 70 questions starting with, “did your doctor do any day-3 blood work?” and ending with “doesn’t your clinic do any psychological screens before they allow you into the surrogacy program? Have you considered a private therapist?”

I think why I love this book and why I will always purchase Jennifer Weiner’s books is for what she does so well. She makes you care. She makes you want to know what will happen next with each character and worry about them and laugh with them and cheer with them. And frankly, it’s a rare author who makes me wish that I could walk alongside the character too and know what happens to them well into the future.

If you could choose one character from any book to start a blog (and who would update the blog daily) and follow along with their story long after the book ends, who would it be and why?

Along with a host of characters from Ishiguro’s Never Let Me Go and Milo from The Phantom Tollbooth, Cannie was high on my list. So it is nice to hear what has happened years into the future with Cannie and Joy and Peter and even slimy Bruce. This book should be in every beach bag this summer and we should consider covering it with the Barren Bitches Book Brigade.

Here is the master list for the eleventh tour of the Barren Bitches Book Brigade. What is the Barren Bitches Book Brigade? It’s a book club from the comfort of your own living room. The book club is conducted entirely online and open to anyone (male or female) in the infertility/pregnancy loss/assisted conception/adoption/parenting-after-infertility world (as well as any other related category I inadvertently left off the list). It is called a book tour because everyone reads the same book and then poses a question to the group. Participants choose a few questions to answer and then post their response on their blog. Readers can jump from blog to blog, commenting along the way. We read both fiction and non-fiction.

Anyone can jump aboard–it’s a book club where you can drop in and out as you wish and all in the community are welcome.

Book: The Mistress’s Daughter*
Author: AM Homes
Start Date: March 6
Question Due: April 9
Question List Sent Out: April 10
Post Dates: April 14–16
(need an explanation of how a book tour works? Click here to go to a list of posts on the past book tours as well as information about future tours.)
*with author participation!

Description of The Mistress’s Daughter: A.M. Homes’ memoir about her reunion with the mother who placed her for adoption many years earlier and the father who is absent even when present is truly a look at nature vs. nurture–where do our bloodlines end and environment begin? At the heart of the story is the topic of adoption, but the book becomes so much more–what does it mean to be related, how do we become like our parents, what does it mean to be a family? I ended up reading the book in maybe two sittings. It’s short, but packs a punch.

Barren Bitches Book Brigade List (The blogs below are participating on this current book tour. On April 14, you’ll be able to jump from post to post to read a plethora of opinions and thoughts on The Mistress’s Daughter. I will keep adding to this list until 11 p.m. on April 9. The list is currently open)

Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters
The Annex
Journey to Baby – Uncertain Yet Hopeful
The Road Less Travelled
Twisted Ovaries
The Dunn Family
Weebles Wobblog
Candy’s Land
Sell Crazy Someplace Else
Fertility Notes
I Won’t Fear Love
Desperately Seeking Baby
Test Tube Babies
All Things Deb
Life After Infertility and Loss
Finally It Could Be
Baby, Borneo, or Bust

Not on the list and want to join? Drop me an email at thetowncriers@gmail.com. You can add yourself up until 11 p.m. on April 9.

How the book tour works:

(1) leave a comment or send me an email (thetowncriers@gmail.com) saying that you’re interested in participating. I need your blog name, blog url, and email address.

(2) read The Mistress’s Daughter by April 9 (or at least enough of it in order to ask a question to the group).

(3) create a single question that would kick off a discussion (in other words, any question that leads to more than a “yes” or “no” answer where someone can express their opinion) and mail it to me on April 9 (or any time beforehand). I will send you a reminder email close to the date. Click here to see sample questions from tour #4.

(4) the author, AM Homes, is open to answering any questions and reading along. Please send me any questions you have for her by April 9.

(5) on April 10th, I will send you a list of possible questions. Everyone will choose 3 questions off the list and answer them in a blog entry. You will find out if you are posting on April 14, 15, or 16 (you can choose).

(6) on April 14, people will begin to post their entry. Each day, I will post a linked list of all the people putting up their entry that day so people can go around and read the entries and comment (start a discussion back and forth in the comments section). Reading the entries and commenting on the posts is the best part of the tour–by the end of the week, you should have a comment from every participant (and maybe even a few new permanent blog readers).

Looking for the second list of Embryo Culture bloggers? It’s right below this post. Click here to jump there immediately. But wait, don’t you want to read the author’s thoughts?

You know how some people remember everyone they slept with (I actually remember this too…I was only a kissing slut)? I remember how I heard about every book on my bookshelf. Where I bought it, where I read about it, if I went to the store specifically to pick it up or if I found it while browsing. I can usually remember locations where I read it and the bookmark I used. This level obviously points to one conclusion–I have a book fetish.

I was at home when I read my husband’s email: Nextbook is featuring a book by Beth Kohl and they have a link to an interview on Salon with her. And, ten commandments be damned, I coveted. If you’ve read Beth’s work on the Huffington Post, you know that she is smart and engaging and not just a little bit sassy. Anyone who refers to her period as an “underpant-wrecking mess” has my attention.

Her book didn’t disappoint. It serves two distinct purposes–for the outsider, it is a window into the experience. She chronicles her numerous IVF cycles in great detail from the constant wandings to the bickering that takes place on the way to the clinic. For the insider, she asks the tough questions: what are the long-term effects of treatments on both the adult and the child; should there be an age cut-off for treatments; how does ART fit into our beliefs within religion?

It is an important text in the infertility pantheon specifically because it does bridge that gap between outsider and insider and because it extends beyond the self-help or how-to books (which are also very important) and becomes more of an ethical compass for the journey. Kohl doesn’t wrap it up with neat answers within the pages. Infertility and the decisions that accompany it are messy. It is really hard to have solid, unwavering answers; especially with the understanding that medicine is more art than anything else and even something as intricate as IVF is simply like throwing pasta against the wall see what sticks. When you can’t create a single solution that will work the same way each time even for the same person, it becomes impossible to make easy decisions across a diverse community. Kohl’s book is a great starting point to having those internal discussions before you’re too deep in the process.

I didn’t sit down with Beth Kohl because she’s in the Midwest and I’m on the East Coast, but let’s just pretend that we both grabbed martinis in the Virtual Lushary. In reality, we caught up via email exchanges where she answered the following questions. In between playing Jewish geography over people back at the University of Wisconsin where we were both Badgers, we spoke about her book. I carried with me a list of questions posed by my fellow Barren Bitches of Book Brigade fame.

Melissa: Hey, Beth, how are you?

Beth: Great Mel. Fire away (she didn’t actually say this but when you’re conducting a virtual interview, you sometimes need to create a warm opening to give the effect of martinis, Jewish geography, and talk about underpant-wrecking messes).

Melissa: So many books about infertility are written by those who have gone through treatments or adoption and emerged out the other side with a child. Do you think the book would have been published if you weren’t successful with treatments? Do you think you would have wanted to write it?

Beth: I think one of the big reasons that my editor wanted to publish this particular book is because it was a “success story.” She had experienced a terrible pregnancy loss and shared that information with me as part of her formal offer for the book. She liked the idea that I’d be working on something with a broad appeal, that I’d tell a compelling personal story while offering some glimpses at the fertility landscape. I also think the fact that I wrote from a place of relative ease after going through, well, all manners of torture that you all know about first-hand, assured her I’d be able to lend a certain perspective and an intellectual curiosity that would be impossible if I were still grieving. When I told her that I was keen to explore big-time questions — religious, bioethical, social — I think she knew that as uncomfortable as they might make me, the fact I had three major supports in the form of my daughters would allow me to tackle them head on.

And don’t get me wrong, I’ve read a ton of books and articles, essays and blog posts about fertility and gain something from everything I read, no matter the author’s outcome or current status. But my editor liked that I wouldn’t be writing a roller coaster ride of tragedy. Rather, like a couple of books that I told her had influenced the way I was thinking about this one, including The Noonday Demon by Andrew Solomon, which sheds a bright light on mental illness through an individual’s chronicle, a book that not only taught me a ton, but which forced me to reckon with many previously unexamined ideas about mental illness (hey, you try growing up in a house with a psychiatrist for a step-father who saw his patients in our den and who thought it would be good for the patients and children alike to interact). I also mentioned Stephen L. Carter’s Reflections of an Affirmative Action Baby as a sort of model for what I hoped to achieve since Carter does such a remarkable job of capturing people’s ambivalence toward affirmative action, even while he admits that he is one of affirmative action’s biggest beneficiaries. I think she liked that I was thinking about infertility in this larger context, that I was striving to write a book with a narrative core, but one that sought to engage its readers in a social debate. The fact that I am participating in this incredible book club is a testament to her vision. I’ll be sure to forward the Stirrup Queens link to her, as well.

As for me being as gung-ho about writing the book, I don’t know. I’ve always been one who sees the value in sharing one’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences. In fact, I was working on this material while going through IVF (I had started an MFA in Writing at approximately the same time as I started the IVF) so maybe I would have soldiered on and written an entire book. But, then again, having a book deal and a sympathetic editor certainly helped.

Melissa: As soon as I saw the cover with all its stitchery, I began to examine it in detail and found connections to the infertility journey easily. And I absolutely love it. What inspired the “embroidered” cover and the raised feel of the title?

Beth: I loved the idea that this is a a book about the most traditional and age-old of subjects — parenthood and reproduction — but that it talks about them in a very modern context, an idea that I think the jacket reflects. I also happen to have some old samplers at home and started really looking at them, noticing all of these biblical and idyllic symbols — a tree of life, Adam and Eve, a church, children and animals scurrying about — and thought that if we modernized it, using IVF and medical images, the combined effect would reflect the book’s content and my own s
crambled vision. And I loved the way it turned out. At first glance, it looks sort of Ye Olde, but when you keep on examining it, like you say you did, you notice the DNA helix and the syringes and stethoscopes. In fact, Farrar, Straus and Giroux, the publisher, is one of those august, uber-literary publishing houses. It tickles me to no end that they allowed the jacket designer to subvert their corporate symbol (three little fish) into sperm.

Melissa: You write about your kids in this book as well as overarching thoughts about treatments. Did you censor yourself while writing it knowing that they would read it later on? Do you plan on handing the book to them or just waiting until they ask to read it?

Beth: Not that my book is James Joyce, exactly, but I doubt my kids could even begin to penetrate this stuff. When they express an interest in reading it (Sophia is now in 2nd grade and Anna and Lily are kindergarteners), I’ll happily hand it over. I think it’ll be a good way for us to talk about issues (including, I suppose, my many youthful indiscretions). I hope my having posed these questions and offered up our (their) personal story in such a public way won’t make my children anxious or resentful. Rather, I’m hoping the book will serve as a testament to how deeply we desired them and that examining suppositions is an okay thing to do.

Melissa: I had a question about intended audience. When you were writing the book, who did you imagine as the audience? Those infertile? Educating the non-infertile world?

Beth: I wrote much of this stuff as little snippets and exercises while getting my MFA. Pity those young artsy guys who had to read it. But I wasn’t really thinking about an audience at that point, just writing what struck me as interesting. And then once I had a book deal and many chapters to write, I guess I had multiple audiences in mind, including people with ART experience, but also a general audience who I think would profit by knowing what we infertility patients go through, the issues we face, and how this stuff isn’t happening in isolation. I wanted future, current and formerly infertile people to know that they weren’t alone in their doubts and questions. I also wanted to pose a set of concerns for those who hadn’t really thought about the many issues that ART and infertility stir up.

Melissa: The Barren Bitches just wanted to pass along that we really enjoyed the book and you have a beautiful family. I have to ask, since the book was written, have you undergone any more treatments? Any FETs perhaps?

Beth: Thank you on both counts. Ugh. I haven’t yet made up my mind about the FET, although I have a half-used batch of meds in my closet. I was ready to go, had finally convinced Gary that it was the right time and that I could handle another baby or disappointment, whichever happened, and we were back at the fertility clinic. I was giving myself the shots and taking the folic acid when my editor (the one I’ve already expressed love for, right), called to say it’d be such a bad time for me to get pregnant what with the book scheduled to come out right about when I’d have a newborn. So I had about four hours to decide whether or not to administer the meds that evening. I fretted, thought it’d be asinine to let a literary editor be the one to pull such a personal trigger. But I didn’t want to regret going forward. I didn’t want it to not work and to breathe a sigh of relief. And I didn’t want to get pregnant and worry that I’d made some terrible mistake. So Gary and I decided that we could wait, I’m still in my 30s, blah, blah, blah. Hence, the unused meds. But I still don’t know what we’ll do since the book is now out and I haven’t dipped back into my supply of Lupron. And have I mentioned that I’ll be 40 in May? Or that I’m starting work on a new book? But what about those seven embryos? Help!

Melissa: (setting down her empty martini glass) Thank you, Beth. For everyone else out there, you can read our reaction to Beth’s work through the Barren Bitches Book Brigade (either Group A or Group B). And join along for the next book in the series.

New List:

Welcome to the tenth tour of the Barren Bitches Book Brigade–a book club from the comfort of your own living room. Grab a cup of coffee and start clicking away at the links below.

Just to explain, this book club is entirely online and open to anyone (male or female) in the infertility/pregnancy loss/assisted conception/adoption/parenting-after-infertility world (as well as any other related category I inadvertently left off the list). It is called a book tour because everyone reads the same book and then poses a question to the group. Participants choose a few questions to answer and then post their response on their blog. Readers can jump from blog to blog, commenting along the way.

Book: Embryo Culture
Author: Beth Kohl
Start Date: January 25
Post Dates: March 3 and 4
(need an explanation of how a book tour works? Click here to go to a list of posts on the past book tours as well as information about all upcoming tours and book events.)

Barren Bitches Book Brigade List (click on any of the links below to take you to a stop on this book tour. Jump from post to post to read a plethora of opinions and thoughts on Embryo Culture. We’ve broken down the current tour into two groups. This is the second of two groups).

Group B:

Baby Steps to Baby Shoes (Baby Steps)
Fertility Notes (Gabrielle)
Sell Crazy Someplace Else (Jendeis)
Life, Love and the Pursuit of Normalcy (Tammy)
Journey to Baby – Uncertain Yet Hopeful (Hoping4baby)
A Day in the Life of a Moody Person (Rian)
Desperately Seeking Baby (Heather)

Even if haven’t read Embryo Culture, you can still add your own thoughts on the blog tour or react to someone else’s critique.

Like the idea of being in a book club without leaving your living room? The next book for book tour #11 is The Mistress’s Daughter by AM Homes. The author will be participating too. The Mistress’s Daughter is AM Homes’s true story about her adoption and reunion with her birthparents. But it becomes so much more–what does it mean to be related, how do we become like our parents, what does it mean to be a family. I ended up reading the book in two sittings because I was so completely drawn into her thoughts. It’s short, but packs a punch.

The Details: Tour #11 will start March 5. Participants will read The Mistress’s Daughter by AM Homes. On Wednesday, April 9th everyone will send one question based on the book (to get a sense of questions, click here to see the questions sent for book tour #2) to me. I will compile the questions into lists that will be emailed out to you on April 10th. You can also send along any questions you have directly for AM Homes. Everyone will choose 3 questions from the list and answer them on their own blog on April 14–16 (we will break up into two or three smaller groups and you can choose which day works best for you when the date gets closer). Each day of the tour, I’ll also post a master list and people can jump from blog to blog, reading and commenting on the book tour.

If you would like to sign up to participate in book tour #11, leave a comment below or send me an email. I need the title and a link to your blog as well as an email address where you’d like the two or three book club emails sent. If a spouse wants to participate too and he/she doesn’t have their own blog, have them set up a blog solely for book tours (as we did with the Annex) and send me a link to that blog. And if you’re a reader without a blog, now is a great time to set up a space for yourself on Blogger. People will be able to find brand-spanking-new blogs because they will be on the book tour’s participant list. The next few tours are always listed on the new upcoming and past tours list. Happy reading.