Category — Book Club

Welcome to the tenth tour of the Barren Bitches Book Brigade–a book club from the comfort of your own living room. Grab a cup of coffee and start clicking away at the links below.

Just to explain, this book club is entirely online and open to anyone (male or female) in the infertility/pregnancy loss/assisted conception/adoption/parenting-after-infertility world (as well as any other related category I inadvertently left off the list). It is called a book tour because everyone reads the same book and then poses a question to the group. Participants choose a few questions to answer and then post their response on their blog. Readers can jump from blog to blog, commenting along the way.

Book: Embryo Culture
Author: Beth Kohl
Start Date: January 25
Post Dates: March 3 and 4
(need an explanation of how a book tour works? Click here to go to a list of posts on the past book tours as well as information about all upcoming tours and book events.)

Barren Bitches Book Brigade List (click on any of the links below to take you to a stop on this book tour. Jump from post to post to read a plethora of opinions and thoughts on Embryo Culture. We’ve broken down the current tour into two groups. A new list will be posted tomorrow).

Group A:

Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters (Mel)–my post is below this one
Beaten But Not Bowed (Drowned Girl)
The Duchess (Duchess)
Slaying, Blogging, Whatever… (Delenn)
The Road Less Travelled (Loribeth)
The Dunn Family (Erica)
The Infertile Long and Winding Road (Ms. Infertile)
All Things Deb (Deb)
Everyday Stranger (Helen)

Even if haven’t read Embryo Culture, you can still add your own thoughts on the blog tour or react to someone else’s critique.

Like the idea of being in a book club without leaving your living room? The next book for book tour #11 is The Mistress’s Daughter by AM Homes. The author will be participating too. The Mistress’s Daughter is AM Homes’s true story about her adoption and reunion with her birthparents. But it becomes so much more–what does it mean to be related, how do we become like our parents, what does it mean to be a family. I ended up reading the book in two sittings because I was so completely drawn into her thoughts. It’s short, but packs a punch.

The Details: Tour #11 will start March 5. Participants will read The Mistress’s Daughter by AM Homes. On Wednesday, April 9th everyone will send one question based on the book (to get a sense of questions, click here to see the questions sent for book tour #2) to me. I will compile the questions into lists that will be emailed out to you on April 10th. You can also send along any questions you have directly for AM Homes. Everyone will choose 3 questions from the list and answer them on their own blog on April 14–16 (we will break up into two or three smaller groups and you can choose which day works best for you when the date gets closer). Each day of the tour, I’ll also post a master list and people can jump from blog to blog, reading and commenting on the book tour.

If you would like to sign up to participate in book tour #11, leave a comment below or send me an email. I need the title and a link to your blog as well as an email address where you’d like the two or three book club emails sent. If a spouse wants to participate too and he/she doesn’t have their own blog, have them set up a blog solely for book tours (as we did with the Annex) and send me a link to that blog. And if you’re a reader without a blog, now is a great time to set up a space for yourself on Blogger. People will be able to find brand-spanking-new blogs because they will be on the book tour’s participant list. The next few tours are always listed on the new upcoming and past tours list. Happy reading.

Intrigued by the idea of a book tour and want to read more about Embryo Culture? Hop along to more stops on the Barren Bitches Book Tour by visiting the master list in the post above. Want to come along for the next tour? Sign up begins today for tour #11 (The Mistress’s Daughter by AM Homes) and all are welcome to join along (see the post above to sign up). All you need is a book and blog.

I started Embryo Culture on a trip and I quickly learned that this book is not beach material. It’s heady and smart and funny and as often as I laughed while reading her account of life in the clinic, I also paused to think as she asked the tough questions that have no clear-cut answers. Anyone who feels stumped for blogging topics only needs to read through this book to have dozens of questions to tackle in thoughtful posts. Beth Kohl manages to make infertility thought-provoking, historical, touching, and amusing–all at the same time.

From early in the book, it is clear that the author ends up with a take-home baby. How do you think this affects her perspective on infertility and how did affect your perception of the book?

Whether or not the author reaches parenthood or not is of little importance to me as a reader unless the genre is self-help (I would want to read about living child-free from someone who is living child-free though when I read adoption books, the author has usually taken one path through adoption and it doesn’t bother me to have someone who went through domestic adoption to also write about international adoption or foster-to-adopt). I would have read Waiting for Daisy if Peggy Orenstein didn’t end up with Daisy and I would have read Embryo Culture if Beth Kohl didn’t end up with her three girls. I just don’t think the end result is the point of these books and I certainly don’t read them to glean any secrets of success.

I think these books ask the bigger questions surrounding infertility. They touch on the ethics or how infertility fits into the larger picture of religion, self-worth, feminism. I think, if anything, reaching parenthood gives her a wider scope–she can remember what life was like in treatments and making hard decisions on that end, but she also has a sense of what life is like on the other side and the processing that goes on in that end. I think she could have written this book while in treatments (prior to parenthood), but I think it becomes a richer text because you get to see the life beyond too.

I’m actually curious how this question gets answered by others. I would like to say that it really depends on the book or type of writing for me. I like the Redbook Infertility Diaries covering someone actively in treatments, though I’ll admit that it doesn’t really phase me one way or the other (I was not upset when the writers were both blogging while out of treatments, but I think it adds a great layer to have JJ actively trying right now and writing about the process). I like Elizabeth Swire Falker’s book about treatments even though she became a parent through adoption. I don’t need my advice columnist to have gone through every situation she is doling out advice on (for instance, I don’t need Carolyn Hax to be a divoree recovering addict with intimacy issues and overbearing parents. I just need her to be broad-minded and creative) and I don’t need my infertility writer to still be trying or not have children by the end of the book. But I know there is a level of annoyance in the community that the only books that are published are those where the author has success down the road through one means or another.

The author also talks about how many embryos should be transferred at any given cycle. Should there be a limit?

I think medicine is an art more than a science and every body reacts differently, therefore I’m always wary about setting inflexible limits that disregard numerous results from the same situation. Yes, single embryo transfers would be the ideal, but I don’t think bodies fit into clear-cut ideals. On the other end, even without hyperstimulation (which you would still need to do somewhat to take into account the attrition rate for fertilization), you would probably have more frozen embryos in storage which creates a situation on that end. What happens to all of those frozen embryos that need to be frozen singly instead of in pairs to account of future single embryo frozen transfers? I think limits talk more about how we wish things could be than how they actually are.

Beth likens Dr. Frankfurth’s office to one that “should have belonged to a family doctor in Anchorage, circa 1950, and not to a late twentieth century endocrinologist.” How much do appearances matter? What were your first impressions of your RE’s office? Did/does that color your interactions with the RE himself or herself?

I laughed because I’m definitely the type who gets a gut-sense of how much I trust the place based on the first appearance. I would describe my clinic (and the other DC Order of the Uterus members will probably laugh at this) as warm. It’s warm in temperature and emotional climate. They have soft, blurred paintings on the walls–quiet Kandinskys as opposed to vibrant Jackson Pollocks, furniture with rounded corners, and single-room bathrooms for discreet crying. And they are all things I noticed, regardless of how much they were intended vs. randomly purchased. I think my RE is a warm, caring person regardless of his office furniture or artwork, but I’m sure these secondary features go into how I process his words and actions.

No, really, you thought the idea of getting to talk about a book with a lot of other people including the author is cool and want to be a part of this? Then join for the next book. And hop along to another stop in this online book club.

Here is the master list for the tenth tour of the Barren Bitches Book Brigade. What is the Barren Bitches Book Brigade? It’s a book club from the comfort of your own living room. The book club is conducted entirely online and open to anyone (male or female) in the infertility/pregnancy loss/assisted conception/adoption/parenting-after-infertility world (as well as any other related category I inadvertently left off the list). It is called a book tour because everyone reads the same book and then poses a question to the group. Participants choose a few questions to answer and then post their response on their blog. Readers can jump from blog to blog, commenting along the way. We read both fiction and non-fiction.

Anyone can jump aboard–it’s a book club where you can drop in and out as you wish and all in the community are welcome.

Book: Embryo Culture*
Author: Beth Kohl
Start Date: January 29
Question Due: February 27
Question List Sent Out: February 28
Post Dates: March 3–5
(need an explanation of how a book tour works? Click here to go to a list of posts on the past book tours as well as information about future tours.)
*with author participation!

Barren Bitches Book Brigade List (The blogs below are participating on this current book tour. On March 3, you’ll be able to jump from post to post to read a plethora of opinions and thoughts on Embryo Culture. I will keep adding to this list until 11 p.m. on February 27. The list is currently open)

Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters
Our Box of Rain
Beaten But Not Bowed
The Duchess
Slaying, Blogging, Whatever…
The Road Less Travelled
The Dunn Family
The Infertile Long and Winding Road
The Open Door
All Things Deb
The Conceivable Future
Desperate to Multiply
Sticky Bean
Everyday Stranger/Twisted Ovaries
Baby Steps to Baby Shoes
Fertility Notes
Sell Crazy Someplace Else
Life, Love and the Pursuit of Normalcy
Journey to Baby – Uncertain Yet Hopeful
On the Wrong Side of Statistics
A Day in the Life of a Moody Person
Southern Infertility

Not on the list and want to join? Drop me an email at thetowncriers@gmail.com. You can add yourself up until 11 p.m. on February 27.

How the book tour works:

(1) leave a comment or send me an email (thetowncriers@gmail.com) saying that you’re interested in participating. I need your blog name, blog url, and email address.

(2) read Embryo Culture by February 27th (or at least enough of it in order to ask a question to the group).

(3) create a single question that would kick off a discussion (in other words, any question that leads to more than a “yes” or “no” answer where someone can express their opinion) and mail it to me on February 28th (or any time beforehand). I will send you a reminder email close to the date. Click here to see sample questions from tour #4.

(4) the author, Beth Kohl, is open to answering any questions and reading along. Please send me any questions you have for her by February 27th.

(5) on February 28th, I will send you a list of possible questions. Everyone will choose 3 questions off the list and answer them in a blog entry. You will find out if you are posting on March 3, 4, or 5 (you can choose).

(6) on March 3rd, people will begin to post their entry. Each day, I will post a linked list of all the people putting up their entry that day so people can go around and read the entries and comment (start a discussion back and forth in the comments section). Reading the entries and commenting on the posts is the best part of the tour–by the end of the week, you should have a comment from every participant (and maybe even a few new permanent blog readers).

Welcome to the ninth tour of the Barren Bitches Book Brigade–a book club from the comfort of your own living room. Grab a cup of coffee and start clicking away at the links below.

Just to explain, this book club is entirely online and open to anyone (male or female) in the infertility/pregnancy loss/assisted conception/adoption/parenting-after-infertility world (as well as any other related category I inadvertently left off the list). It is called a book tour because everyone reads the same book and then poses a question to the group. Participants choose a few questions to answer and then post their response on their blog. Readers can jump from blog to blog, commenting along the way.

Book: The Jane Austen Book Club
Author: Karen Joy Fowler*
Start Date: December 13
Post Date: January 28
(need an explanation of how a book tour works? Click here to go to a list of posts on the past book tours as well as information about all upcoming tours and book events.)
*with author participation

Barren Bitches Book Brigade List (click on any of the links below to take you to a stop on this book tour. Jump from post to post to read a plethora of opinions and thoughts on The Jane Austen Book Club).

Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters (Mel)
Slaying, Blogging, Whatever… (Delenn)
Beaten But Not Bowed (Drowned Girl)
The Road Less Travelled (Loribeth)
The Conceivable Future (Andie)
Coming2Terms (Pamela Jeanne)
The Dunn Family (Erica)
No Swimmers in the Tubes (Noswimmers)
Sell Crazy Someplace Else (Jendeis)
The Infertile Long and Winding Road (Ms. Infertile)
All Things Deb (Deb)

Even if you haven’t read The Jane Austen Book Club, you can still add your own thoughts on the blog tour or react to someone else’s critique.

Like the idea of being in a book club without leaving your living room? The next book for book tour #10 is by a writer who rocks the stirrups and manages to find humour even in the most mundane of day 3 blood work visits: Embryo Culture by Beth Kohl. The next 6 book tours or so all have author participation so you’ll also be able ask Beth your questions about her book.

The Details: Tour #10 will start January 29. Participants will read Embryo Culture by Beth Kohl. On Wednesday, February 27th everyone will send one question based on the book (to get a sense of questions, click here to see the questions sent for book tour #2) to me. I will compile the questions into lists that will be emailed out to you on February 28th. Everyone will choose 3 questions from the list and answer them on their own blog on March 3-5 (we will break up into two or three smaller groups and you can choose which day works best for you when the date gets closer). Each day of the tour, I’ll also post a master list and people can jump from blog to blog, reading and commenting on the book tour.

If you would like to sign up to participate in book tour #10, leave a comment below or send me an email. I need the title and a link to your blog as well as an email address where you’d like the two or three book club emails sent. If a spouse wants to participate too and he/she doesn’t have their own blog, have them set up a blog solely for book tours (as we did with the Annex) and send me a link to that blog. And if you’re a reader without a blog, now is a great time to set up a space for yourself on Blogger. People will be able to find brand-spanking-new blogs because they will be on the book tour’s participant list. The next few tours are always listed on the new upcoming and past tours list. Happy reading.

In addition, Karen was lovely enough to answer a few questions we had while we were reading her book. The Jane Austen Book Club has been a major success–first in book form as a New York Times Bestseller and then on the big screen this past fall. As a book club, this book has major appeal since it covers the lives of several members of a book club that focuses solely on the works of Jane Austen. At the same time, the meat of the story is their criss-crossing lives that are as emotion-laden and magical as a story by the great Austen herself.

Melissa: Tell us how the book started—who was the first character to come to life inside your head?

Karen: I write my books in roughly the same sequence you read them. So Jocelyn is the character I worked out first, just as she’s the first character you get an inside look at as a reader.

Melissa: Which character do you relate to the most?

Karen: I think Sylvia. She’s the character most embedded in family. She’s had a long marriage and is the only character in the book whose children play a real role. I even gave her my house — the rooms described in the bookclub meeting she hosts are the rooms I’m sitting in right now, typing this out.

Melissa: How did the book club question list at the back of the book come about? Did you get to contribute questions to the list?

Karen: All of the back material was my editor’s idea (and a very good idea, too). She suggested adding the plot summaries, the responses to Austen, and the bookclub questions. But then I did them. So all the questions at the end are ones I came up with, just as I picked the responses I liked best, and struggled with plot summaries.

Melissa: Why the
Jane Austen book club? Do you think that Jane Austen has a universal appeal?

Karen: I know Austen’s appeal is not universal, because I have a number of friends who don’t like her at all. Sometimes they try to explain to me why, but I just put my fingers in my ears and sing loudly. Her appeal may not be universal, but it is very widespread. But mainly I chose Austen, because I love Austen. I started reading her in high school and it was love at first sight.

Melissa: Do you think Jane Austen discusses themes that are common to the human experience, and that is where her appeal lies?

Karen: The first line of my book is that we all have a private Austen. I stand by that line. Different people read Austen in very different ways and like her for very different reasons. If I had to choose a single explanation, I would probably not pick her themes or her plots or even her characters. I would pick her voice. When you read her, you just wish you knew her. And you worry she might not like you. She’s so discerning! She’s delightful, but scary.

Melissa: How do you think Jane Austen’s work compares to contemporaries that wrote with a more philosophical voice? For example, George Eliot or Elizabeth Gaskell?

Karen: Austen is wittier, but Middlemarch is my very favorite novel. I love Gaskell, too, though I’ve read less of her and read her less often. Don’t make me choose! I love them all.

Intrigued by the idea of a book tour and want to read more about The Jane Austen Book Club? Hop along to more stops on the Barren Bitches Book Brigade by visiting the master list in the post above. Want to come along for the next tour? Sign up begins today for tour #10 (Embryo Culture by Beth Kohl with author participation!) and all are welcome to join along (see the post above to sign up). All you need is a book and blog.

This was our first time doing a non-IF/pg loss/adoption book so it was interesting to see whether we divorced ourselves entirely from our life experience or whether we viewed the book through this common collective lens. I’m not even sure which end of the spectrum I fall on to answer that question, but I’m interested in reading everyone else’s thoughts today.

Jocelyn and Sylvia are closer than most sisters. Their relationship has withstood many tests. Do you have a particular friend who has stood by you through thick and thin in ways that stand out from most friendships, and if so what brought you together and what keeps the relationship so special?

The friendship of Jocelyn and Sylvia, the ease within their interactions, was one of my favourite parts of the book. They reminded me somewhat of the Bennett sisters, though–to quote Lindsay–sisters from a different mister. I think if you have a friendship of that intensity and length in your life, you’re drawn to those storylines.

My friend Julie, usually referred to as my Lady When Waiting, is that friend for me. We have known each other since we were in middle school and she had to whip me into shape when she was president of our Jewish youth group and I was running for treasurer under the name Tasty. I had made these gorgeous orange and purple buttons that said, “Tasty for Treasurer.” Though she has no memory of this, I remember her cornering me by my locker at school and saying, “take this seriously. This means a lot to me.” And gentle reminders to be a better person is just one of the reasons I love her.

She is the one who talked me into seeing an infertility therapist, she raided every Starbucks in the D.C. area when we realized their grande cups made a perfect vomit receptacle for morning sickness in the car (fits perfectly in my cup holder and by the third month of pregnancy, I could vomit and drive at the same time), and told me the babies were beautiful when they were little 2 pound peanuts in the NICU. She has been there through every crisis and every celebration. Her name is on the ketubah above my bed. She’s the godmother to my children. She buys me cook books all the time. She taught me how to roast a chicken. She is the person I can call in the middle of the night. Her happiness means as much to me as my own happiness.

You don’t take a friendship like that for granted.

Allegra is described as “liking being an aunt. That it offered all the kid time she needed. Probably. All she wanted mostly.” If you don’t have your own children, but are an aunt how important is that role to you and, what special rewards does it offer?

Before I was a mother, I was an aunt and being an aunt without children was simultaneously my largest joy and largest source of sadness. It was very hard for me to hug my niece and care for my niece and keep in mind that she wasn’t mine. My niece is pure love and she is the most beautiful, smart, and funny princess in the world. Now that she’s older, it’s fun to have an actual relationship with her, play games, talk about things. But when she was a baby and she would sleep on my chest and I could sniff her keppie, how can you not miss those times and how can you get in the car and drive away when the playdate is over? Every time we had to leave her, I would sob for the first ten minutes of the car ride. Being her aunt before I had children created a game of pretend–I could pretend she was mine and practice mothering. Did it make it more painful when it was time to give her back or was it the charge I needed to get through the loss inherent in infertility? Who know.

When Corinne stole Allegra’s stories, she both lied by omission as well as stole pieces of Allegra. Do you believe Allegra was more upset about the lie or the fact that someone stole her stories?

I was struck by this storyline–perhaps as a writer myself–and how much stories mean to individuals. I think it’s one of the cruelest things you can do–steal from someone’s life–and I actually think, for me, it would cut deeper than a lie. A lie can have a positive spin at times–it can spare feelings or keep someone from emotional pain. The white lie. A fib. But stealing, for me, can never be written off as coming from a good place. It’s malicious and hurtful and I was gleeful that no one wanted to published Corinne’s retelling. It’s almost as if the world knew that she deserved to be punished for her transgressions. Go literary magazines!

So again, if you like the idea of a book tour and want to read more about The Jane Austen Book Club hop along to more stops on the Barren Bitches Book Brigade by visiting the master list in the post above. If you want to come along for the next tour, sign up begins today for tour #10 (Embryo Culture by Beth Kohl with author participation!) and all are welcome to join along (see the post above to sign up). All you need is a book and blog.