Category — Virtual Lushary

A Halloween Play

Random person banging on the Lushary door: Trick or treat!

Melissa, the bartender: Trick.

Random person: What?

Melissa, the bartender: I choose trick.

Random person (okay, so random person isn’t working for you. You need someone concrete. Pretend it’s Barren is the New Black knocking): But I thought you were going to give me candy. Or something. Or alcohol. This is an imaginary bar, right?

Melissa, the bartender: But you offered me a choice and I choose trick.

Barren is the New Black: Fuck (I think she would say “fuck”–she seems really ladylike, but I think under that ladylike, shoe-coveting exterior is a girl who would say “fuck”), I don’t really have a trick.

Melissa, the bartender: Oh–I’ll just open it up to the blogosphere. Maybe someone can suggest one to you.

So, in addition to drowning your sorrows or toasting your good news with a virtual drink, also provide the best trick you’ve ever done–on Halloween or at another time. Mine will be in the comment section below.

It has been a little over a month since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. Pull up a seat and I’ll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life. The good, the bad, the ugly. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person’s blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.

I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.

So if you have been a lurker for a while (or if this is your first open bar as someone who found this space through IComLeavWe), sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don’t have a blog–gasp!–you can always leave an email address if you’re looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you’re a regular at the bar, I’ll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I’m glad you found this virtual bar.

For those who have no clue what I’m talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation back on this current post.

So have an imaginary cocktail and tell us what is up with your life.

Oh, and just because I’ve opened the Lushary doesn’t mean that class is over: come by and show everyone your item at this week’s Show and Tell.

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who always seemed to have jury duty. The letter would arrive in the mail and she would exclaim, “jury duty again?” and try to remember if two years had elapsed between her last summons and the current one. She was so unlucky in jury duty that she once received a summons to appear on a month-long grand jury, but she begged and pleaded her way out of that one (and is well aware that there are people out there who would love to be chosen for a grand jury, but our heroine is not one of them).

She realized that admitting how much she despised receiving jury duty made her sound like a “bad citizen” and “un-American.” But she explained to all that she grew up in Washington, D.C. where she had a healthy dose of government shoved down her throat every which way she turned so she didn’t feel too badly if she was scared about hearing the details of a murder trial.

This little girl was praying that when she called the summons line to see if her juror number was called, she would receive a message telling her that she was dismissed for two years. While she waited to make the phone call, she invented a fine, alcoholic drink which she named the Jury Duty.

So…vote now…will I or will I not be chosen for jury duty when I call the service line?

It has been a little under a month since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. Pull up a seat and I’ll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life. The good, the bad, the ugly. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person’s blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.

I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.

So if you have been a lurker for a while (or if this is your first open bar as someone who found this space through IComLeavWe), sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don’t have a blog–gasp!–you can always leave an email address if you’re looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you’re a regular at the bar, I’ll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I’m glad you found this virtual bar.

For those who have no clue what I’m talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation back on this current post.

So have an imaginary cocktail and tell us what is up with your life.

I usually like to post the Virtual Lushary at least a day or two before a scheduled-like post (like the Friday Blog Roundup which always goes up on…Fridays) so we can kibitz over our schnapps and have a nosh. And then I get all verklempt when you tell me something sad or I shep nachas when you tell me something happy. I know, I know, you need a lushary post like a lokh in kop right now. But, feh, what can I do? It goes up once a month. So, nu–no Barren Advice this week.

Plus, we’re smack in the middle of commenting for the August IComLeavWe. Here is your chance to knock out on of your comments of the day.

As your friendly bartender, I’m wearing the knee-high boots, so you can probably guess what I have on under the jeans and t-shirt… Actually, y’all saw the knee-high boots (yes, Hilde’s knee-high boots!) at BlogHer. I played Nintendo Wii in them. The merry widow? That hasn’t been on again since that first IUI.

It has been about a month since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. Pull up a seat and I’ll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life. The good, the bad, the ugly. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person’s blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.

I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.

So if you have been a lurker for a while (or if this is your first open bar as someone who found this space through IComLeavWe), sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don’t have a blog–gasp!–you can always leave an email address if you’re looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you’re a regular at the bar, I’ll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I’m glad you found this virtual bar.

For those who have no clue what I’m talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation back on this current post.

So have an imaginary cocktail and a knish or two and tell us what is up with your life.

In honour of the roadie and my crack-of-dawn flight on Thursday, I am sending out a round of invisible mimosas–on the house, of course. I know I traditionally post Barren Advice on Tuesdays and I’ll certainly be back next week with an answer or two, but right now, I just feel like I need a drink. And perhaps you need an imaginary drink too. So we can drink together.

Though, perhapsie (that’s one of my new favourite words: perhapsie) instead of a mimosa, I should have something with cranberry. Because…er…well, I probably don’t need to spell out what my medical woe of the week is right now. But let’s just say that Karen and Lindsay got a very uncomfortable and cranky Melissa at lunch.

Was that more information than you wanted to know?

Cranberry martinis or a mimosa–it’s your choice. But can we all just take a minute to sit down and catch each other up and…pretend to drink?

It has been about a month since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. Pull up a seat and I’ll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life. The good, the bad, the ugly. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person’s blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.

I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.

So if you have been a lurker for a while (or if this is your first open bar as someone who found this space through IComLeavWe…which, by the way, begins on the 21st!), sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don’t have a blog–gasp!–you can always leave an email address if you’re looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you’re a regular at the bar, I’ll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I’m glad you found this virtual bar.

For those who have no clue what I’m talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation back on this current post.

So have a cocktail and tell us what is up with your life. When I have to leave for BlogHer, I’ll just leave the bar open. I trust you guys to pour carefully and clean up when you’re done. And not throw up too much in the bathroom.

What says “award ceremony” more than flavoured vodka? And what livens up a voting session more than a little invisible cocktail? It is time to vote for your favourites for the first ALIes (adoption/loss/infertility awards). And it’s time to pull up a bar seat and let us know what has been happening in your life in between sips of a non-existent French martini. Before you cast your ballot, stick around and fill everyone in on your life. Winners will be announced two days from now on the Friday Blog Roundup. Which means that three days from now, the tabloid newspapers will be writing about your escapades with the B-list celebrities. You know, the ones we’re keeping under the bar.

So before you get sucked away from the site into voting…

As always, it has been a bit more than a month since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. Pull up a seat and I’ll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life. The good, the bad, the ugly. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person’s blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.

I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.

So if you have been a lurker for a while (or if this is your first open bar as someone who found this space through NaComLeavMo…which is now called IComLeavWe…), sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don’t have a blog–gasp!–you can always leave an email address if you’re looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you’re a regular at the bar, I’ll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I’m glad you found this virtual bar.

For those who have no clue what I’m talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation back on this current post.

So have a cocktail and tell us what is up with your life and then come back up to the body of this post and scroll back to this space. Go ahead, let us know what’s up. Voting will wait for you.

Without further ado, the voting.

Polldaddy only allowed me to have 10 questions in a poll. Therefore, I have added the final question on the ballot below. Vote for the Celebrity of the Year: